To not be fussed about shaven legs and swimming

[ArchesOfWisteria]

In my mid 40s I have lost the urge to remove body hair much, particularly in winter. If anything I find it’s better for my skin, no rashes or bumps under my arms, less sweating under my arms. Easier with sensitive skin.

I kind of presumed that no one cares that much- I certainly don’t care if other people have a preference to wax completely or not shave at all.

I went swimming with an acquaintance and she seemed shocked, a bit horrified even, at my legs. I stated I am comfortable, made a light joke my husband is supportive. But she brought it up again like it’s a big deal. ‘Especially as you are so fair skinned with black hair’ was her last comment (I am, not particularly super hair, average but with black hair).

Are other women actually bothered about shaving when it comes to others? Do you notice? I don’t in the pool! Obviously we all have our personal preferences for our own bodies, but does this for extend to being in anyway affronted by what another woman does. She stated hers is the typical view, but I may have more ‘European’ standards.

For context, if anyone askes, I’m quite average in most ways. Healthy weight, clean hair and clothing etc.

yanbu- I’m not really that bothered about what others do, as long as I can exercise my own personal freedom without comment

yabu- I think it’s a bit yucky on others and I do judge natural body hair in the pool

I don't shave the majority of the year, but I'm still working up the courage to go swimming unshaved! I hate shaving. It's so pointless and time consuming. Thanks for that patriarchy.

As a random person I would absolutely notice. I'be pleased you had the chutzpah to be hairy.
As a friend I won't care although I'm sure it would have come up first time I saw you. Same as friends talk about weight, sex and anything else you might not with a stranger.

It wouldn't bother me at all. Mens hairy backs do though, but that's me and my double standards!

On the bright side, you'll soon be peri and it'll just thin and drop out anyway 😂

I had the longest thickest black hair on my legs that a century ago would probably have seen me packed off to the circus.
My chin whiskers are still quite something.

My leg hair is fair and fine which in theory should be easier, but I still get the painful rashes. If I get goosebumps from the cold in the days following hair removal, it feels like my skin is being stabbed with 100s of needles. I have lots of symptoms of MCAS so it’s probably related to that.

You literally said "shaving to me is like brushing your teeth or flushing the toilet".

Both of those are hygiene issues, not cultural practices. Don't backpedal now because you're being challenged on your sexist nonsense.

Good for you OP. If I noticed this, which I might, I'd have no thoughts beyond silently congratulating you for not bowing to patriarchal pressure. I certainly wouldn't be calling you "Chewbacca" like @Differentstarts

I'm not back pedalling these are both examples of things I do naturally without thinking about it just like shaving if I thought for a second it was for hygiene reasons don't you think I would of said it by now

Why don't men do it then?

I have no idea rightly or wrongly it's just never been the social norm for men to shave their legs

Well why then do they have any relevance to men being different to women?
Your choice to wear makeup, shave body hair, carry a handbag, wear high heels, having nothing to do with you being a woman they are personal choices you make presumably because you like those things?

I think your friend is rude. I am 34 and haven't shaved my legs or armpits since my early 20's, if I notice other women having body hair I think good on you!

I do trim my bush before swimming though after having a bit of a smack the pony moment at a baby swim class in my high leg costume 😅 I'm very pale with dark hair so it was supremely obvious. Hopefully one day I'll have the confidence to not care about that either!

Then stop shaving. You are going against what you want to do. You're letting strangers dictate how you look after your body, steal time from you and annoy you.

Yeah I don't care! I can't remember the last time I shaved my legs. It's your body so your choice.

The ‘hair issue’ has started with my daughter already and she’s only 6. Comments from peers etc. I used to wax my arms but now I don’t bother because I want to show her it’s perfectly normal to have body hair. It’s a pain in the arse having to shave daily/weekly or spend hundreds on laser hair removal. Good on you, OP. Your friend sounds very immature tbh, body hair isn’t contagious! She’s decided to remove hers, great. You’ve decided to keep yours, also great (and less of a ball ache).

I am not shaving my legs for swimming, no reason to do it. And noone from my friends is dumb enough to comment on it.

The point where I am unsure is bikini line - I don't shave it either and I am not willing to start. I am willing to compromise by masking it by having a short shorts style swimming bottoms (totally swimming material), but it is so hard to purchase them ( I really need to try them on before buying) that I might just give up, noone cares anyway.

Yeah, the Chewbacca comment was completely vile. Definitely someone who enjoys belittling others.

I don't think if I have ever noticed or paid any attention to whether other women shave, or not. I prefer to be smooth like a dolphin 😂 but I couldn't care less about anyone else.

You are utterly backpedalling - you compared it to hygiene practises that you know full well people would be disgusted at others not practising.
Shaving body hair is not in the same category. It's more akin to choices like wearing makeup, or men choosing to shave facial hair - some do. Some don't. It's not a hygiene choice it's a personal style choice.

Show me one comment where I have mentioned hygiene.

teeth cleaning and toilet flushing.

There's something almost childlike and naive in asserting that men and women are different because women wear dresses and high heels and carry handbags.
I'm surprised there wasn't also a comment stating as fact that women only wear pink and men only wear blue.

I wonder how anyone can go through life blindly accepting everything that is presented to them as being 100% correct, however uncomfortable or unfair it may be. How can you never question a thing about the world? Such a weird mindset.

I don't think it's been the social norm.for women fit very long, and lots don't do it. It's hardly universal.

You said you'd "say something" to a friend who didn't shave...what would you say?

Im going to be that person too. I've actually not seen hairy women in the pool, but it gives me the complete ick to see hairy men in the pool - to the point I want to get out. I just feel it's really dirty. Appreciate it's probably irrational but I just think all those tiny hairs floating in the pool is gross!

She'll be staying as an acquaintance then. I cba with any of that and I couldn't give a shit if people judge me for it either. That's not the kind of person I would want to spend time with.

I think public swimming is not for you, if you can't handle other people swimming too.