To not be fussed about shaven legs and swimming

[ArchesOfWisteria]

In my mid 40s I have lost the urge to remove body hair much, particularly in winter. If anything I find it’s better for my skin, no rashes or bumps under my arms, less sweating under my arms. Easier with sensitive skin.

I kind of presumed that no one cares that much- I certainly don’t care if other people have a preference to wax completely or not shave at all.

I went swimming with an acquaintance and she seemed shocked, a bit horrified even, at my legs. I stated I am comfortable, made a light joke my husband is supportive. But she brought it up again like it’s a big deal. ‘Especially as you are so fair skinned with black hair’ was her last comment (I am, not particularly super hair, average but with black hair).

Are other women actually bothered about shaving when it comes to others? Do you notice? I don’t in the pool! Obviously we all have our personal preferences for our own bodies, but does this for extend to being in anyway affronted by what another woman does. She stated hers is the typical view, but I may have more ‘European’ standards.

For context, if anyone askes, I’m quite average in most ways. Healthy weight, clean hair and clothing etc.

yanbu- I’m not really that bothered about what others do, as long as I can exercise my own personal freedom without comment

yabu- I think it’s a bit yucky on others and I do judge natural body hair in the pool

I don't shave my legs more than about twice a year. I don't care if anyone else does, and there's no way I'd comment on anyone else's body hair.

I never said it was essential I said you can't compare women to men

It bothers me for myself but I dint care what others do. I shave my legs etc every other day . I hate the feel of hairy legs. I’m blonde so they aren’t even particularly noticeable. I think in my 40’s I had more confidence not to shave or wear make up every day so regularly but now I’m older I take a lot more time on myself and wear makeup, have my hair done and nails done every day.

Good on you!! When I go swimming I don't go round looking to see if anyone has shaved!

Some women do.

I don't. My mum hasn't for years and year and my nan never has.

I think this is particularly a thing if you have thick dark hair. My hair snaps with cream and just goes brittle, waxing is vicious and shaving short lived and leads to a rash. I have fair fluffy hair on my arms, and if my legs were the same I know it would be pretty easy to deal with in comparison!

I guess to fundamentally sum it up- I don’t hang my self image on hair. It’s not cleaner/ classy or whatever if I just magically shave. I’m still me

Well clearly you're not sorry and why the hell do you think you have the right to say anything to someone else about whether they shave or not? Self entitled or what.

Shaving is what SOME people CHOOSE to do. It's not at all like brushing your teeth where not doing so is unpleasant to others.

so you have to shave and I don't?

Seeing a woman with hairy legs or hairy pits grosses me out. Sorry. I respect the right to let the hair grow but I don’t like it. I run the razor over quickly every time I shower. It takes a minute or two.

But you're suggesting there's some intrinsic difference between men and women that means that men don't need to remove the body hair that grows on their body naturally, and yet - despite it also growing there on women - it should be removed. And there just isn't - it's not for health reasons, it's not 'natural' to remove it or it wouldn't grow there, it's not a requirement to be a woman. So why would you feel the need to point out to your friend that they hadn't done an entirely optional thing?

Agree completely!

Good for you. I wish I had the guts. Anyone who thinks this is gross is coming from a place of internalised misogyny and life under the male gaze.

If the hair wasn't meant to be there, it wouldn't grow. You do not need to justify choices about your body. Your friend was being very rude.

Your right I'm not sorry for having a different opinion to others. Life would be boring if we all thought the same. I already explained that's just how me and my friends are.

Other than presuming your friend is either rude or crippled with insecurity I wouldn’t be able to imagine what came over her - reading these comments has helped.
I might never shave my legs again. You are the normal one OP.

Men and women are biologically different , thus the tampons and birthing children. The rest of the things you listed are dated societal expectations that have no value beyond how they make the person wearing makeup or wearing heels feel.

I hope you shave the hair off your head then? If you consider it a hygiene issue? And your eyebrows, too?

Wait, you don't? Such double standards. As long as hair is clean it matters not and I'm sure people do wash their legs etc even if they don't shave them.

You have the guts. You just decide to stop doing something. Stop letting society tell you you're wrong.

That's an enormous pile of horse manure!

We're different in that we menstruate and can bear children, sure. That's got sweet fanny adams to do with wearing makeup, dresses and high heels and shaving body hair. Female and feminine are not the same thing.

We can absolutely compare men and women shaving their legs - it's not remotely necessary for either of them and is down to personal choice. I shave my legs occasionally in summer, never bother in winter, and swim regularly.

If a friend of mine commented on it I'd tell her not to talk such sexist nonsense. Your friend was very rude OP.

I never said it was for hygiene reasons. What I was getting at by saying brushing teeth and flushing the toilet that it's just part of my normal routine that I really don't think much about

But you literally dont have to do any of those almost all are utterly social constructs. Plenty of women do not wear makeup, use a rucksack rather than a handbag style, wear flat shoes.
Do you feel you are less of a woman without these things??

No why would i

BS you would!

I might notice if a friend I was with was quite hairy but would I ever say anything? Not a chance @ArchesOfWisteria

But you implied by comparing it to something like teeth cleaning that it was something socially expected / pretty much compulsory?

No i didn't that's how you took it