To not be fussed about shaven legs and swimming

[ArchesOfWisteria]

In my mid 40s I have lost the urge to remove body hair much, particularly in winter. If anything I find it’s better for my skin, no rashes or bumps under my arms, less sweating under my arms. Easier with sensitive skin.

I kind of presumed that no one cares that much- I certainly don’t care if other people have a preference to wax completely or not shave at all.

I went swimming with an acquaintance and she seemed shocked, a bit horrified even, at my legs. I stated I am comfortable, made a light joke my husband is supportive. But she brought it up again like it’s a big deal. ‘Especially as you are so fair skinned with black hair’ was her last comment (I am, not particularly super hair, average but with black hair).

Are other women actually bothered about shaving when it comes to others? Do you notice? I don’t in the pool! Obviously we all have our personal preferences for our own bodies, but does this for extend to being in anyway affronted by what another woman does. She stated hers is the typical view, but I may have more ‘European’ standards.

For context, if anyone askes, I’m quite average in most ways. Healthy weight, clean hair and clothing etc.

yanbu- I’m not really that bothered about what others do, as long as I can exercise my own personal freedom without comment

yabu- I think it’s a bit yucky on others and I do judge natural body hair in the pool

That's a real shame for you, that you're so brainwashed that you'd feel embarrassed to go around with your natural body. Shaving your arms is not normal

You need to shave your body to feel feminine? That's so sad..and so concerned/embarrassed about your appearance that you had to have your legs in labour....tragic. I hope you learn to embrace your own body and feel less shame.

It’s a completely arbitrary construction though that “femininity” equates to hairlessness. Literally completely made up (by male ad execs). Why do you think women with body hair aren’t feminine? What even is feminine? The status of being female, or some made up aesthetic rules? If you’re talking about the latter, not everyone wants that anyway.

Haven't shaved my legs since 2014, my armpits since 2020 and my lady garden since I don't know when (I did it a few times when I was younger and stupider.) Quite happy being a hairy beast. I've had a couple of blokes who've wanted me to let them shave my pubic hair, which is a bit weird and I've shut that nonsense down. (They did have to do that when I had my c section but only where they made the incision. I'd already had my spinal block by then and didn't feel a thing!)

Gender is stupid but it’s also very much ingrained in society. Too ingrained.

I don't really shave my legs in the winter, I do in summer, but even then sometimes I get lazy. Like you OP I have sensitive skin and it gets irritated easily.

I went to the gym pool last week with my three year old. I was in a rush so hadn't shaved either my legs or bikini line. It was just us in the wee kiddies pool and an aquafit class was on beside us, mostly older women, plus a couple my age (early 40s).

I went back to the changing room and went into one of the showers and when I was rinsing us both off my three year old piped up really loudly; "mummy why do you have poo on your front legs???" I heard one of the ladies snort with laughter in the next shower cubicle. I calmly replied, "it's not poo it's dark brown hair, mummy didn't shave this morning." The lady in the next cubicle shouted "good for you, your mummy shouldn't need to". My son was all wide eyed and said, "does daddy have the same hair?" I replied, yes he does. Then my son said "good for you and daddy, mummy." 😂

So I've had the approval of the three year old and a random lady from aquafit. It is annoying how men can be hairy and no one bats an eye yet women get judged. I felt quite glad tbh that in forgetting that day I introduced my son to the concept of hair. He was entirely unfazed!

I swim daily and shave armpits but not legs.

dd is 17 and doesn’t shave anything. - it’s much more accepted now

Your friend sounds very silly and rude.

It is your body and you are free to present as you wish.

It is sad when women just accept the narrative that they must look a certain way.

Most of the beauty/groominh standards that are forced on women are just about giving them hang-ups so companies can sell more products to them.

As long as you have good hygiene, that's all that matters.

@Shmee1988

'I mean, i get equality and patriarchy, misogyny etc but so many seem to want to throw feeling feminine.'

Having body hair is natural for men and women.

I don't see how it makes you less 'feminine' if that is a normal function of a female body to grow pubic hair, hair on your legs and so on...

Women having no body hair is a social construct.

@Anonycat

YANBU. I think the focus on women's (but not men's) body hair, and the implication that it is somehow unclean and we should somehow be ashamed of it (even on a body part as innocuous as legs) is totally ridiculous. It’s really shocking how many young women buy into this.'

Exactly.

I am always shocked when I read that shaving is 'more hygienic'.

If you wash regularly you are clean, hair or no hair.

I swim twice a week and never notice whether another woman shaves or not - their legs are underwater when swimming and, though we have open showering and changing ( there are some cubicles but they are very cramped ) I’m too busy getting myself changed to notice and would not care about it anyway. I do remember being a blushing teenager who thinks everyone is staring at them and judging but most people grow out of that, surely.

Ironically, the only body hair I have noticed is the occasional v v hairy man, back and front, or the Y shaped serious male swimmers in training who remove their trunk hair and are very shiny as they wait to dive in. My DD is a competitive swimmer and she says the men do but that below elite level it’s not really going to make a significant difference ( much debate apparently)

I couldn’t care less to be honest.

I’ve taken up swimming regularly at a health club, so I’m now shaving my legs very carefully, as well as my other bits. Because I have very dark hairs and I can’t bear the idea of other people seeing them!

I know it shouldn’t matter and I don’t care what other people do! I quite admire people who are not bothered by what other people think.

Ultimately, it’s just a cultural thing anyway!

I don't feel any less feminine with body hair. it doesn't make me look or feel like a man.
women grow hair on their bodies, so why would it be unfeminine?

I don’t know if it’s been proven but I was once told that removing hair became popular as some men liked the pre puberty body of girls…..knowing this makes me feel a bit 🤢

I'm a regular swimmer. The only thing I pay attention to is whether or not someone is being a knob in the lanes.

Yanbu and I’ve never noticed another woman’s legs at the pool. Your acquaintance is rude.

I've never noticed others' leg hair (or not) when swimming or at classes.

Once, many years ago I noticed a woman with longer, natural underarm hair in the showers. I remember it because it was relatively unusual, but actually it looked a lot softer and nicer than I thought it would be.

I few years ago I managed a winter without having to expose my arm pits and let it grow, and I preferred it. It was less sweaty as the hair did it's natural job of wicking sweat off the arm pit. If society dropped the expectatation of women to be body-hairless, I'd happily embrace it.

I wish there was a campaign to accept or even embrace our natural bodily features. Hair isn't dirty or stinky.

I’ e seen a few comments about shaving arms here. I have hairy arms but I have never shaved them. The hair is a different texture to leg hair, more downy - but even if it wasn’t, why does it matter?

YOU are "society" You don't need a campaign, just do what you want.

In a minute way this reminds me of the women who work for the “morality police” under misogynistic islamic regimes, although of course those women may well be under fear of violence if they don’t take part.
It is a sad state of affairs that even women here feel the need to remind other women on grooming procedures which generally arise from making us more appealing to the male gaze.

I did this a few times as a teenager, after a couple of comments - I thought it was the norm for a while. Then I realised that most people didn't actually shave their arms - my hair was just darker and more noticeable.

I did something very similar one winter and have only shaved them on a few occasions since (always regretted it and let it regrow). It really feels much nicer.

I’m pleased to read of this mindset in the 40s. I only got there within the past year at 65. My somewhat hairy legs are no one else’s business. I’m going to Tenerife on Friday. I will shave them before going there because I will be happier with smooth legs in the sunshine, but I won’t be taking a shaver with me for the little hairs coming through though. Going swimming and wearing shorts at home though, nah!

Your friend’s ‘horror’ is her issue. Maybe she will learn to accept a/her body being natural eventually. Maybe thinking about your stance will help her on her way!

You just need the confidence to reject the patriarchy. I hope all the posts on this thread help you to find it. 💐