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Original poster

My H is just so fucking miserable when we take our kids out

481 replies

sofingmisreable · 26/01/2025 08:04

He always wants to come back home ' right away '.

He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of seeing them having fun.

Example yesterday we went to a shopping centre. The kids were hungry as soon as we got there so we went for lunch and then he wanted to come home straight after and had a face like a smacked arse on, the whole time we were there.

Kids are nearly 3 and 5. Yes the little one was a whingeing a bit but he actually sat through the meal really nicely and they both ate loads.

Then after, I wanted to pick up a couple of kids for the kids, get them some balloons, let them play on the little cars in the shopping centre, so they'd have a bit of fun and he was just so miserable and wanted to go home at every turn.

It's pretty much always like that. It doesn't matter what we do, he just wants to come home straight away.

Today is my DD Bday party and he was like ' great, another ball ache '.

I get we all have bad weeks but this is very persistent. I try and give him space at the weekend for his hobbies, in the hopes he'll be a bit more jolly when he's with us, but it doesn't work.

I know the kids are stressful and especially our little one, has tantrums etc but they're our kids and I love nothing more than to see them having a good time.

Does anyone else have a Husband like this ?

OP posts:
SwisswolvesLilley · 26/01/2025 13:25

My exDH was like this and it’s one of the reasons he’s now my ex. He was a good husband in many ways, but on social occasions and holidays it was like having a dementor with me to suck the joy out of the day. He’d be quiet, sulky and angry looking until we got home. My Dad once treated us to a trip to Disney World all expenses paid and DH was so sulky I ended up having a meltdown on Gatwick Airport and telling him to F* off home. Another occasion, we were out to celebrate New Year with another couple. The usual sulks, quietness and general awkwardness ensued so we asked him what was wrong and he said he wanted to see in the NY with our new daughter (who was six weeks old) so we all came back to our house and DH made coffee, put the TV on and didn’t even go and see our daughter in her cot. It completely ruined the evening and was horrendously awkward and embarrassing. The miserableness on nights out eventually seeped into every day life and he would sleep on the sofa then roar at the kids for making a noise in our living space. He ended up sucking all the joy out of life and I started making my own social life. That was the beginning of the end and we eventually divorced.

battairzeedurgzome · 26/01/2025 13:27

mumedu · 26/01/2025 08:56

People are being very harsh. It would just be that he's an introvert and can't cope with too much noise and hubbub.

If you don't want 'noise and hubbub', having two children is contra-indicated.

Yalta · 26/01/2025 13:29

Octopies · 26/01/2025 08:13

My Dad was like this, he just seemed to not know how to be patient around or particularly like small children, he got gradually better as we got older.

Exh used to work away a lot. 3 weeks in every 4 and the 4th week he would be working at the company offices leaving 6am -8pm so was rarely around during the week and dc and I had our own schedule on the weekends. He never went out with us without being miserable and ruining the day. So we stopped going out with him

By the time dc were older and he wanted a relationship with them. They didn’t want one with him.

Yalta · 26/01/2025 13:31

battairzeedurgzome · 26/01/2025 13:27

If you don't want 'noise and hubbub', having two children is contra-indicated.

Show quote history

If you don’t want noise and hubbub then don’t request to join your wife and 2 small children on their trip to a shopping centre on a Saturday

Mercedes45 · 26/01/2025 13:31

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 26/01/2025 10:15

When I take the kids, I make it about them entirely.

That's too much. You need to teach them a bit of give and take and about taking turns. They're still very young but you can start small.

She doesn't NEED to do anything. Just because you do it that way, doesn't mean it's the only/right way!

Yalta · 26/01/2025 13:33

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 12:01

I don’t know any bloke that likes shopping centres……not really a family day out……….

Then why ask to go to one

THisbackwithavengeance · 26/01/2025 13:38

Tell him if he doesn't change his ways, you'll be serving him with divorce papers and that'll give him something to sulk about.

And in answer to your question, it's not normal.

Miserable cunt.

JustAskingThisQ · 26/01/2025 13:38

crumblingschools · 26/01/2025 13:22

@JustAskingThisQ what happens if a mother doesn't really like al the drudge that comes with small children, don't want to change nappies, do they get to opt out too? Why is it men get the 'you don't have to interact with small children' card but women very rarely get the choice to have that card?

They discuss it first? They realise neither will be there for the baby so don't have kids. Or the kid grows up with two parents who arent great at that stage but step up later. All of these things already happen.

Personally, as a woman, I wouldn't allow myself to get pregnant if I felt that way, though and I know my mum doesn't. Short answer is to find a compatible co-pareny who complements your strengths and weaknesses.

paddlinglikecrazy · 26/01/2025 13:41

I have a friend whose husband is like this, always has been. He doesn’t like parenting, is only happy if he’s doing something for him or just him and my friend. Now the kids are older he will purposely cause arguments with them so he can tell them off and drag them home or argue with them and leave them out and head home alone.
My friend is preparing to leave him now.. wishing she did it years ago.

catin8oots · 26/01/2025 13:43

Is he a gamer?

BobbyBiscuits · 26/01/2025 13:45

I'm sure I've seen this before. He sounds absolutely awful!

If he doesn't want to come with you to these things then he shouldn't. In a shopping centre couldn't he find something he wanted to look at or do while you and the kids shopped elsewhere?

Or even just skulk off to a pub or cafe and then meet you at the end to help with the kids/carrying shopping?

There's nothing wrong with splitting off and going to different shops so nobody gets bored. Then maybe meet up for lunch or whatever.

I'd definitely not bother going out with him to places like that at all. I'm hoping he does get pleasure out of some aspects of marriage and family life?

Bytheclock · 26/01/2025 13:45

Oh OP, how do you tolerate this?
It sounds like you've done other things as a family, and your DH behaves the same way, even considering your DCs birthday party as a major pita.

Wow, hope you don't get ground down with this man's negative and childish behaviour, you sound like a lovely mum, getting pleasure from your DC's pleasure, while he sulks and steeps in negativity.

It's bound to have an effect on your DC too as they too suffer his sulks and realize he prefers not to do things with them.

JustAskingThisQ · 26/01/2025 13:45

catin8oots · 26/01/2025 13:43

Is he a gamer?

No..it's already been stated. What's this obsession with gaming?

Jollygirlouted · 26/01/2025 13:46

No, thank God my husband is the total opposite of this. Poor kids having to have their fun tarnished by such a miserable fucker who doesn't realise how lucky he is. I'd never be able to put up with this and I never would. Hope things improve. Maybe a new husband for the new year 🤔 🙂

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 13:47

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 26/01/2025 12:05

  1. It wasn't a day out, it was 2 hours.
  2. The OP said that when they go to the shopping centre the dc get to go on rides, have ice creams etc.
  3. A man with children should be able to go out for a couple of hours with them and do something he doesn't particularly like, without turning into a sulky child.
  4. The OP says her 'd'h is always saying he will take them out to do things he likes, but (surprise surprise) he never does.
Show quote history

I don’t know any blokes that will happily go along to a shopping centre for 1 hour never mind 2, the OP stated he decided to come along not that it was somewhere he wanted to go, who knows any bloke that actually enjoys going to a shopping centre fgs? A gay guy maybe who is into clothes shopping, personally I don’t even like clothes shopping and traipsing in and out of shops never mind men………even if I take my partner to ikea he tries to use every shortcut to get to the exact item we went there for in as shorter time as possible………shopping is not a man’s idea of a nice day out and it isn’t a day out for children either, walking in and out of shops has to be the most mind numbing activity known to man………

PurpleH · 26/01/2025 13:49

Is he an introvert? Could be he finds going out mentally draining. I’ll grant you his way of expressing it is pretty crap and he needs to find better ways to express it but could be he struggles. Tell him if he doesn’t want to go out, to find something to entertain the kids indoors/garden then and leave him to it

Nothatgingerpirate · 26/01/2025 13:49

@mumedu
@battairzeedurgzome

Exactly and exactly.
That's why I never had children, couldn't cope with it.

Vergus · 26/01/2025 13:52

@PurpleH

Is he an introvert? Could be he finds going out mentally draining.

I'm an introvert mum to 2 boys. But I force myself to do things, to get out there, to go to the places they like which are usually ram-packed with other people (farms, play-parks, swimming activities and the like) because I'm their mum, and I don't come first. Men do not get to hide behind the "i'm an introvert" diagnosis to cop out of stepping up as a responsible and engaged parent.

WoolySnail · 26/01/2025 13:52

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 13:47

I don’t know any blokes that will happily go along to a shopping centre for 1 hour never mind 2, the OP stated he decided to come along not that it was somewhere he wanted to go, who knows any bloke that actually enjoys going to a shopping centre fgs? A gay guy maybe who is into clothes shopping, personally I don’t even like clothes shopping and traipsing in and out of shops never mind men………even if I take my partner to ikea he tries to use every shortcut to get to the exact item we went there for in as shorter time as possible………shopping is not a man’s idea of a nice day out and it isn’t a day out for children either, walking in and out of shops has to be the most mind numbing activity known to man………

Edited
Show quote history

Crap I'd better let my husband know, as he's fine with doing all that (and i'm pretty sure he's not gay 😱) 🤣

Mopsy567 · 26/01/2025 13:53

A trip to the shopping centre is a day out for us too 😄 We have a nice meal, take the dc to the library (they love it) and yes, we do go shopping to buy stuff.

The shopping centre is not the issue. Its the vortex of neverending misery that is the DH, sucking the joy out of every experience. When you know everyone would have a better time when your partner isn't there, its time to have a 'Serious Talk'!

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 13:54

WoolySnail · 26/01/2025 13:52

Crap I'd better let my husband know, as he's fine with doing all that (and i'm pretty sure he's not gay 😱) 🤣

Show quote history

Ask him how much he enjoys it on a scale of 1-10 🙄

youcannotsaythat · 26/01/2025 13:56

Seems to me some men like the abstract idea of having offspring, fruit of their loins and all that but don't like the hands on reality, especially when it gets in the way of their leisure pursuits. How much does he actually like being with them, entertaining them and interacting with them at home? It's limited when they're small and maybe he sees you do a better job of it but he should try.
Having said that some people (men and women) are better at playing, kids talk etc but others find it trying and it's a forced performance but hey, they're his kids, he wanted them and you're all a family so tough, step up!

SomethingFun · 26/01/2025 14:00

I dunno I feel the wilfulness on this thread of so many posters to not understand what the op is saying indicates they are living with similar men and have their heads firmly in the sand.

It must be op’s fault for forcing him to go shopping (though she clearly states she didn’t), He must be undiagnosed ND or have extreme introversion or have untreated anxiety or untreated depression that op and the dc must tippy-toe around but he never seeks out or engages with help and support for. Maybe he never really wanted dc (though op says he begged for them), maybe, maybe, maybe. It can’t possibly be he is, like many men, like many fathers described on this thread, a selfish and entitled arsehole.

Ceecee2422 · 26/01/2025 14:03

SomethingFun · 26/01/2025 14:00

I dunno I feel the wilfulness on this thread of so many posters to not understand what the op is saying indicates they are living with similar men and have their heads firmly in the sand.

It must be op’s fault for forcing him to go shopping (though she clearly states she didn’t), He must be undiagnosed ND or have extreme introversion or have untreated anxiety or untreated depression that op and the dc must tippy-toe around but he never seeks out or engages with help and support for. Maybe he never really wanted dc (though op says he begged for them), maybe, maybe, maybe. It can’t possibly be he is, like many men, like many fathers described on this thread, a selfish and entitled arsehole.

A selfish entitled arsehole because he doesn’t like shopping? 🤣 god forbid someone doesn’t like something in life, what an arsehole they must be……..out of interest what benefit does a shopping centre have for children? Must really educate their minds……..

Dreammouse · 26/01/2025 14:04

SomethingFun · 26/01/2025 14:00

I dunno I feel the wilfulness on this thread of so many posters to not understand what the op is saying indicates they are living with similar men and have their heads firmly in the sand.

It must be op’s fault for forcing him to go shopping (though she clearly states she didn’t), He must be undiagnosed ND or have extreme introversion or have untreated anxiety or untreated depression that op and the dc must tippy-toe around but he never seeks out or engages with help and support for. Maybe he never really wanted dc (though op says he begged for them), maybe, maybe, maybe. It can’t possibly be he is, like many men, like many fathers described on this thread, a selfish and entitled arsehole.

It happens on every thread where the useless behaviour of a man is spelt out, there'll be many apologists running around the make excuses it's very bizarre. I think the same as you, mostly women who accept this behaviour from their partners and don't want to acknowledge it's crappy.