My H is just so fucking miserable when we take our kids out

[sofingmisreable]

He always wants to come back home ' right away '.

He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of seeing them having fun.

Example yesterday we went to a shopping centre. The kids were hungry as soon as we got there so we went for lunch and then he wanted to come home straight after and had a face like a smacked arse on, the whole time we were there.

Kids are nearly 3 and 5. Yes the little one was a whingeing a bit but he actually sat through the meal really nicely and they both ate loads.

Then after, I wanted to pick up a couple of kids for the kids, get them some balloons, let them play on the little cars in the shopping centre, so they'd have a bit of fun and he was just so miserable and wanted to go home at every turn.

It's pretty much always like that. It doesn't matter what we do, he just wants to come home straight away.

Today is my DD Bday party and he was like ' great, another ball ache '.

I get we all have bad weeks but this is very persistent. I try and give him space at the weekend for his hobbies, in the hopes he'll be a bit more jolly when he's with us, but it doesn't work.

I know the kids are stressful and especially our little one, has tantrums etc but they're our kids and I love nothing more than to see them having a good time.

Does anyone else have a Husband like this ?

Totally selfish, he needs to get a grip.

Good grief. What a selfish man.

Excellent points. Some people on here just want to excuse lazy, selfish men, it seems.

@Ilikeadrink14 honestly just think of it the way I do- it's mumsnet bingo. I scroll through looking for the first "could it be NT?" etc 🤪🤣😂

Even if the op had done the perfect acceptable activity - puddle suits to the park in the national trust grounds to feed the ducks and eat cheese and salad the comments would be ‘well maybe he’ll be better when they’re older, lots of men aren’t good with babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers/girls’. It seems we struggle collectively to point the finger at the selfishness of many fathers and their inability to step up, suck it up and be a good parent.

I don’t know any bloke that likes shopping centres……not really a family day out……….

What happens when you leave one or both children with him at home?

It would be,

' gawd OP that is too much. Little Tarquin and Annabelle dont need all that. They just need to play in the garden.

You have to be more relaxed your husband probably hates all that fancy stuff. Why dont you ask him what he wants to do? You sound controlling making him do all this.'

1. It wasn't a day out, it was 2 hours.
2. The OP said that when they go to the shopping centre the dc get to go on rides, have ice creams etc.
3. A man with children should be able to go out for a couple of hours with them and do something he doesn't particularly like, without turning into a sulky child.
4. The OP says her 'd'h is always saying he will take them out to do things he likes, but (surprise surprise) he never does.

I mean not being able to find joy or enjoyment in activities is a glaring sign of depression. Does he do anything outside the home?

If it’s just this, maybe you could start by getting him to plan some stuff? Like telling him ‘next Saturday we are all doing what you want’ and then wait. Force him to take on some of the organising.

Definitely not.

If the OP's husband took them all to a place of his choosing, which wasn't the OP's cup of tea, do we think she'd have a strop, spoil the day with her attitude and then withdraw in a sulk and leave him to look after the dc for the rest of the day? Of course not. Because she's a proper parent and not a selfish twat.

Wow - posters are still falling over themselves to invent justifications for this man's behaviour.

This. And shopping centers especially make me nervous. I'd find somewhere like a castle you can all go and visit.

So, why do you think that the OP's husband hasn't suggested a castle? Or anywhere else?

He sounds misery. Friend of mine had a similarly 'hands off' husband. Wouldn't attend things like school productions, or watch the dc in matches etc. They did split , she remarried, new dh much better. I think previous husband was better at the teenage age.

Ignore those being sniffy about the shopping trip. We did that a lot when kids were v young especially if weather was bad. A shopping trip followed by a trip to the park is fine! I used to love watching them charge round the play area of a park, a shame when ppl can't see the joy in it.

Yes, heaven forfend that a man has to step up as a parent or take responsibility.

Coz he's an arse

😂😂

Sorry I should have written a bit more.

I don't like taking my kids to shopping centres at weekends. I don't find it fun and I certainly can't relax. So I suggest things I would like to do instead, or that I don't mind doing. If he doesn't do this he is an arse.

He is not even trying. Unless he is ill in which case he needs to get help, this is totally unacceptable. His behaviour is hurting you, and your children won’t forget having a miserable father. Does your DH actually want to have a family?

Quite. Also, if you read the OP's posts, she does lots of different activities, the husband organises none, and is negative and miserable. It's not the shopping centre, as she has made clear.

I suspect if she did so, he's be back within half an hour, claiming he'd "done his bit" and dumping the kids on the OP for the rest of the month!

He sounds like a selfish prick. He’s sucking all the joy out of any family activity then denying it. The kids are wee now but as they get older they will be aware of his behaviour. Tell him to shape up otherwise he’ll be spending every second weekend entertaining the kids on his own thanks to dovorce.

Oh clearly your days out were the epitome of perfect parenting!

Did you cut the crusts off your bread for the sarnies?

@sofingmisreable next time he says he wants to come with you, tell him no!! Say it how it is, no thanks you’re a miserable bastard and you drag me down.