AIBU to have babysitting rules...

[finalstrawb]

... if I didn't ask for the babysitting?

We have very little support from family due to geography, but we make it work and never ask for help. MIL and FIL have asked to babysit as they love our DS - lovely for all of us, DS aged 2 gets time with GP, we get a few hours to ourselves. Babysitting between 12-5. WIBU to ask them to do no television. We severely limit screen time as DS is a bad sleeper and we find it helps. Also no sugar etc but we leave meals and snacks prepared.

If I requested childcare I wouldn't set rules but in this case AIBU? He has lots of toys and healthy snacks, they don't have to do anything except play with him (DS very spirited!)

In my very limited experience GP are there to spoil the GC. Biscuits and TV will come out and tbh I was always just grateful DS was with loving family and having a great time with them. They'd always take him to the woods too so a bit of downtime and a treat is lovely for him and them 😁

However, you can certainly ask. Would it really bother you if they did TV and biscuits/or whatever?

You really can’t suggest that when someone is doing you a favour.

We don’t have a television in our lounge and our kids rarely watch the one we have in the snug. We occasionally watch things together as a family. I despise how the tv dominates so much. I think it’s something like 12 years of our lives are wasted on it. Nevertheless, I still let my in-laws watch too much tv with our kids as I’m just so grateful they’re having them and I get to have some time off!

No. Just be happy they have offered

You either want their help or you don't. It's not a paid for service and you can't dictate how they spend their time (unless unsafe).

YANBU. If you don’t need them to babysit then if they don’t follow your rules they don’t get to 🤷‍♀️

We are a no screentime family for the kids, they also only drink water and don’t have much in the way or chocolate/sweets etc. They’re also ERF.

If someone wasn’t willing to follow our rules then they don’t get the privilege of looking after our children. It’s no skin off my nose 🤷‍♀️

I take your point however I am doing this for their benefit, I have to arrange 3 meals (DS lunch and tea, their lunch), clean the house, arrange all spare clothing... I don't want then to be kept up all night with a screaming overstimulated toddler when I have work in the morning. I haven't asked for this. It's nice but it's not a favour- I said yes because I recognise its important for DS to bond with GP. I don't think no tv and no juice and chocolate is unreasonable for a 2 yo for a 5 hour period? Different if they were 5 maybe but he's 2!

Has nobody except Minnie read the bit where I said we don't need this and haven't asked for it? They asked!!!! They're also wonderful GP and I know they crave alone time with our little one and don't want to deprive them but should I be kept up all night because of it?

I don't think it is unreasonable at all!!

No don't be one of those parents. You won't get offers of bay sitting after that. We don't have family near but when they do babysit we trust them enough. It might not be how they parent but they are safe and looked after

Just because they ask, doesn't mean you have to accept. They don't need "alone time", they can visit him while you're at home. You're just being difficult.

I'm going to be the outlier here and say that since they're doing it for their own benefit as much as yours, yes you can explain your parenting approach and the benefits you perceive for your child and ask that they do the same. For example, you can say, "We limit TV to x episodes/before X o clock because it affects DC's sleep, do you think you can manage that"? If they say no, delve into why that is and try to find a solution that works for everyone

I have to arrange 3 meals (DS lunch and tea, their lunch), clean the house, arrange all spare clothing.

Why not just let them have their DGC at their house?
When I have mine it's nearly always at my house. If it's at theirs, I make their meals and myself a sandwich. My DD certainly doesn't clean her house in my honour and I know where the children's clothes are if I need to change them for any reason.

I don't think YABU at all!

No way should you lay down rules, saying no TV at all, that’s utterly ridiculous. Playing with children for 5 hours is a big ask for GP!
I needed to put the TV on for a bit when mine were small just to get a break from it all.
Be grateful for the help. You say you’ve not asked for it but they’re still being kind helping.

Tell them to have him overnight then they can do what they want and deal with the consequences

I think you're being ridiculous.
You're that parent aren't you.
Making it look like you're doing them a favour letting them see their GC as you "don't need their time". They should be able to take their GC to their own house rather than being cloistered at yours so you can monitor them and set your rules!
I'm sure they can also find the kitchen to make a lunch for your child and themselves and find spare clothes if they need them. You don't have to do anything, you just need to so you can keep control. Get a grip.

Also why did you post if you're just going to disagree with everyone who doesn't agree with you and be snotty.
Have a day off.

Having read your update, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask - but I’d explain why (the “he’ll be up
all night” is a strong reason and makes it clear you’re not just randomly banning things out of ideology!). Please avoid x because y is a more reasonable way to approach it, I think.

I don't understand how watching ten minutes of Hello Duggee at 2:30 affects his sleep that night.

I'm not a fan of screens, but as a grandma, that ten minutes part way through, for me to sit still, tune out for a bit and enjoy a hot drink, sets me up for the second half. I simply don't have the energy any more to entertain a two year old for five hours without stopping. It's the equivalent of a tea break at work!

Christ almighty she's only asking for no telly and no sugar. She's providing the food!!! Giving a 2 year old sugary stuff is ridiculous anyway.

What kind of grandparents spend quality time with their children by sticking on the telly?

Some really fair points here.

I do appreciate the support and that DS has loving GP, he needs them and they are wonderful and we love them.

They babysit here because their house is full of breakables and they get stressed out!

Agree that a bit of tv won't kill DC on this occasion. It's hard when you have a bad sleeper, you just do everything you can to survive.

I think seeing as they’ve asked and it’s not a favour you’ve asked for, it’s fine.

YANBU at all. Babysitting where your child comes home unable to sleep is not helpful.

Tell them strictly no TV or sugar.