AIBU to have babysitting rules...

[finalstrawb]

... if I didn't ask for the babysitting?

We have very little support from family due to geography, but we make it work and never ask for help. MIL and FIL have asked to babysit as they love our DS - lovely for all of us, DS aged 2 gets time with GP, we get a few hours to ourselves. Babysitting between 12-5. WIBU to ask them to do no television. We severely limit screen time as DS is a bad sleeper and we find it helps. Also no sugar etc but we leave meals and snacks prepared.

If I requested childcare I wouldn't set rules but in this case AIBU? He has lots of toys and healthy snacks, they don't have to do anything except play with him (DS very spirited!)

How old are your DC?

4 and 2.

I don't set rules if my mum is kind enough to look after my children I trust her enough to make her own choices with them, I leave them with my mum knowing full well my kids are loved by her cared for and well looked after !
That said if I felt I had to tell someone what they would need to do I wouldn't leave my kids with them, xx

Jeepers you sound like a total nightmare too. Why take the fun away from loving grandparents, you'll regret it when they are gone . Having to follow rules all the time is absolutely no fun for anyone. I have 4 young kids and their memories of fun times with their grandparents are more important to me than some silly rules. God forbid they get an ice cream with sprinkles on a sunny day or a hot chocolate with a brownie on a cold day. It's a special treat, its not like it's an everyday occurrence. I hope all you perfect parents don't have serious guilt when your kids are older.

Like I said, my rules are not the same as OPs. I have no problems with chocolate/sweets in moderation.

Nobody is stopping anyone having any fun or creating close relationships.

Some people love to be in control of every little aspect. These will be the shocked grandparents one day

Absolutely, what goes around comes around.

Oh come on - you’re saying you can’t look after children for five hours without giving them a screen or junk food?!?! That’s insane.

Fine to let the GPs cook if they want to. Also absolutely fine and healthy to say “no chocolate buttons or tv for a toddler”!

Why would I be shocked that there were rules when looking after my grandchildren?

I absolutely think there should be, and I would be following them even if I didn’t agree. It isn’t about me; the parents’ choices should be respected.

OK apologies, I'd be interested to know what kind of rules you have in place? I feel if someone is good enough enough to want to spend time with my kids then I will offer guidelines, if they don't carry them out that's absolutely fine.
I wouldn't be getting high and mighty ,banning them from seeing them again. That's just batshit

If by that you mean there would be rules to follow when looking after my grandchildren then good, there absolutely should be, and I wouldn’t have any issues with following them.

My philosophy has been "what happens at grandmas, stays at grandmas" I don't need to know - just keep them alive is about all I ask of them. Half the fun of going there for the kids is that they get to break the rules and be spoilt.

Just tell them no TV, they are your family surely it's not the end of the world to say Jacob will lose his shit tonight if he watches too much TV so please keep it off as much as possible / only Daniel Tiger for half hour if needed

I think it's absolutely fine. I know loads of people that have a no TV rule for their young children.

It's 5 hours and the grandparents sound healthy and active. If they were in poor health then maybe I could see a reason for them needing a break, but if he is only awake for 3 hours of the 5, it is absolutely not too taxing for them to play for that length of time.

Especially considering the fact that they are asking for this and you are going out of your way to ensure it goes smoothly.

I would do a breezy "we would love you to spend time with DS but just to let you know we are currently doing no TV and no sugar to see if it impacts his sleep. For the experiment to work, we all need to be consistent".

This will help them feel a part of an effort to help DC rather than you enforcing rules on them in particular. By phrasing it this way you are subtly inferring that if they give him sugar or TV, they will ruin the "experiment" for everyone.

OP I do get it when they're young and I was the same when my lovely MIL, now deceased, used to look after mine. They used to spend afternoons at McDonalds (they were a bit older than yours at the time) and then home to sit in front of the TV with her watching crap and it used to drive me insane (I was DEFINITELY BU as it was free childcare) but now they're older (17 and 15) they still remember those times with her and the fun they had together and talk about it. (and not me seething in the corner fortunately ;). Also they're very healthy, not screen or sugar addicted young adults.

I don't think asking for no sugar for a 2yo is unreasonable in this situation. Especially given they don't have sugar.

My 7yo is strictly refined sugar free (for medical reasons so it's a bit different) and there are plenty of "treats" they can have!!

They should be able to last 5 hours without needing to resort to chocolate and TV.

Although I do wonder if "spirited" is a euphemismistic way of saying this child is a real handful.

I'd just ask / advise. There doesn't need to be any drama. Just tell your in-laws you don't want the kid to have an afternoon of sweets and TV.

YANBU OP, it's lovely they want to spend time with the grandkids but I don't think anyone can say they're doing you a favour. And you're not asking for much, no TV but they're at your home with plenty of toys, no sugar but you're providing the food... That's hardly a rigid routine!

If a mother posted on here saying she lets her toddler watch 5 hours of TV on a Sunday and gives him chocolate buttons every day, she would be crucified. But it's ok if the grandparents do it. Lol.

My parents manage to be lovely involved grandparents without feeding my child sugar and letting him watch TV. How odd.

Is this a one off or regular babysitting? If it’s a one off, I might just suck it up this time.

I think it’s fine to say no juice or chocolate if you don’t ever give him juice or chocolate yourself but you are in a bit of a tricky situation having accepted gifts of chocolate 😂 Put yourself in their shoes. If you think your DGC is allowed chocolate but you aren’t allowed to give it to them, you might understandably feel hurt that you aren’t allowed to treat your DGC when others do or that your DIL doesn’t trust you. I would tell a white lie that the dentist has recently told you to avoid them because of your dental history.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ASK them not to let him watch TV if you explain why. You do need to give them an alternative strategy that actually works if he is upset or they need a break or something to keep him entertained while they make food. If they haven’t babysat him before, they might be shocked how much harder and exhausting 5 hours of looking after a toddler is 20+ years since you were a parent. Also, if this is new for them and new for your DS, be prepared that they all might struggle if he gets upset and wants mum and dad. Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures! 😂 TV time and a cuddle is the last resort in our family. As much as it is horrible for you to have to deal with an inconsolable child at bedtime, it feels a thousand times worse for a grandparent to deal with an inconsolable child that they are supposed to be taking care of.

Absolutely no-one, including the OP, has suggested that the grandparents intend to put him in front of the TV for the entire five hours that they're babysitting for! You're being absolutely ridiculous.

Like most grandparents after interacting, playing with and reading to their grandchild, they might intend to pop a toddlers TV programme on for 10 minutes or so while they take a breather and make a hot drink.

No grandparent actively asks to spend time having their grandchild to themselves, and then spends that entire time ignoring them!

Well if the grandparents were doing it it's unlikely to be every day is it, so that's a shit comparison.

5 hours of TV and some chocolate buttons though as a one-off? Nah, that's not going to do any long-term damage. The strict parenting though, probably will do more.

I disagree I hope to be like my MIL.

Her MIL didn’t listen to her requests and it soured the relationship. Like using talc when she specifically asked them not to. So now she’s very attentive GP and always asks my preferences. Her mantra is it my child so it’s my rules. Which I love and respect her for.

However my parents have constantly undermined me and it’s annoying. Having a 7 month old who had just started weaning and I hadn’t given them chocolate yet but was fed it by my parents as “it won’t hurt”…..it’s the under-minding that’s the issue.

No long term damage but if it causes him to have a shit night sleep, that's pretty awful for both the baby and the parents. I can't imagine my own parents wanting to do that to me. You'd have to be pretty selfish to think it's ok.

And most parents I know are indeed quite strict on TV and sugar for toddlers nowadays.

One shit night sleep is not exactly the end of the world either.

If you have a bad sleeper it isn’t just “one shit nights sleep”.