AIBU to have babysitting rules...

[finalstrawb]

... if I didn't ask for the babysitting?

We have very little support from family due to geography, but we make it work and never ask for help. MIL and FIL have asked to babysit as they love our DS - lovely for all of us, DS aged 2 gets time with GP, we get a few hours to ourselves. Babysitting between 12-5. WIBU to ask them to do no television. We severely limit screen time as DS is a bad sleeper and we find it helps. Also no sugar etc but we leave meals and snacks prepared.

If I requested childcare I wouldn't set rules but in this case AIBU? He has lots of toys and healthy snacks, they don't have to do anything except play with him (DS very spirited!)

Blimey, you don’t take opposing views well, do you!

If it's such hard work don't go out and leave DC alone with them, cook a lovely Sunday roast then you all go out for a nice walk or go to the park together. GP's can still have quality time with DC with you in the background and you can keep an ear out on what's going on.

If you and DP are going out and leaving them to it then yes this is for you too, you and DP are getting a nice afternoon together just the two of you.

I wouldn't be cleaning the house especially for them coming round, PIL find us as we are.

Yep, like I say, you've been very open to listening to us, but there are clearly some people on this thread who are intensely controlling!

Hang on, you say “Chocolate and juice have always been off the table for us really.” And then that when grandparents bring a treat, like chocolate buttons, they are “never to be seen again”. That’s what people are picking up on- it sounds like you are very hard line on this?

It also sounded like you were about to tell them not to feed sugar at all- how that fits in with “granny’s fabulous cooking” being fine, I don’t know!

At least get your story straight.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if the parents of my grandchild expressed their strong wish for no screens or sugar. Surely as a parent/grandparent you only want the best for the family and to make life easier? The parents know their child best, and what works for them. I would feel awful knowing that the parents could potentially be sleep deprived the next day because of choices I made.

I don't think it is unreasonable to say no juice, no chocolate etc. Are they even likely to give those things to a 2yo?

I wouldn't expressly say "no tv", but presumably if they want to spend time with him they won't be planning on sitting in all afternoon anyway, would they?

You believe myths rather than science?
O....kay.

This is obviously your first child , come back when you're on your second or third 🤣 You'll be glad of the break and not so overprotective. Lol. Come on , a bit of tv and a piece of chocolate isn't going to keep your child up all night ffs.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all, we’ve said similar things to both sets of GPs (in a very nice way) and they’ve been totally cool about it. If you’re able to be flexible on parts of it, do let them know - ie we’ve set a limit on tv time, no phone videos and have a range of “acceptable” shows / things our DD likes - so GPs can use it! We also buy snacks / make snacks we’re happy with for her so they don’t have to worry - sounds like you’ve done this already!

don’t think it’s unreasonable. Sugar and screens are things we should be consuming with care and we all have different acceptable standards - you’re just explaining yours!

good luck x

A wanky list of rules - absolute no
one thing which is a preference and not too onerous on them - fine. We also have a zero screens rule and both grans are fine with it.

Don’t do this @finalstrawb , you’ll end up in a situation where people won’t babysit your dc for fear of transgression and recrimination!

You’ll look back on this and be amazed that you requested it, it’s part of how you feel when they’re young, but just let everyone relax and have a nice time.

I understand the need to maintain a sense of control when you are exhausted by a poor sleeper. I had one myself. I tend to think holding on too tightly to 'rules' is a manifestation of tiredness and anxiety. Nothing really makes a difference to their sleep other than the child growing out of that stage. Try to let go a little and let the GPs enjoy their time with your DC.

@finalstrawb , early on in the thread, listened to people and realised it isn't a big deal. One of the few reasonable Mumsnet OPers!

Isn't it better for him to experience different things in different homes? He is your child and you can decide how to bring him up but I don't think it will hurt him to see that different households do things differently, he will find out soon enough when he goes to nursery and school that other children sometimes watch TV and eat chocolate. Nurseries and schools also use screens.
As a grandparent who has provided care for my grandchildren I let them watch TV and give them treats but that's not all we do. We do crafts, go to the park, play board games, do water play, read etc. but watching TV cuddling up on the sofa is a favourite memory I have with my children when they were young and now with my grandchildren. It doesn't have to be one or the other

It depends a lot on the age of the grandparents. I’m fit and healthy in mid sixties, and look after my 3 and 5 year old grandkids regularly. A day of that is seriously hard work, and I wouldn’t manage without using a bit of tv and the odd biscuit. I need the odd break. I don’t think parents appreciate how much less energy you have in your 60s compared to say your 30s. I certainly didn’t, and definitely owed my mother an apology for what she did for us without complaining. 😁

Ah the lesser spotted "spirited child"
as described by the OP

I think it’s totally reasonable. You’re leaving food and you say no TV, they want to spend time with them so play and interact. I’d be quite surprised if anyone fed a toddler something not supplied by parents unless that was discussed.

id be upfront and explain why if you suspect they would potentially ignore you. If they do these things then I’d certainly restrict access

Restrict access

Hide the remote

Don’t feed a toddler anything parents haven’t supplied

Its a wonder some of the people on this thread made it to adulthood given they can’t trust their parents to look after and feed a child!

And the no chocolate at all thing is sad.

I'm the same. I think I was a very reasonable parent, but there are still things I'd like to apologise to my late (much loved) in-laws for. I saw them as fit and healthy (which they largely were, and I am as a grandparent) but until I started looking after my grandkids (which I love doing) I didn't realise how much my energy levels have dropped. Especially once my DGCs dropped their afternoon nap, I've had to create breaks for myself, and I'm afraid that a gentle TV programme is the most effective way to make one.

I don't feel guilty because the rest of the day is full of fun, activity and creativity. And I have a very laid back DD who trusts me, thank goodness!

I would't leave a long list of demands but no tv and only give him the food and snacks provided is fair enough. Especially when it's you that will be dealing with bedtime later!

As a parent of a none sleeper I completely get your points OP. I think it’s ok to ask them to limit screen time and maybe suggest a park near by they can walk to or get out some of their favourite games just to help them have other ideas. A bit of TV time while the GP have a cuppa would be nice (I doubt they would have done lots of screen time)

As for food, you can prepare the meals but also get your DC to pick out some snacks ready. You don’t have to say please limit their sugar, spin it another way and say DC was excited and picked out a few snacks…so it’s more of a helpful way. And then hopefully they can give them a little sugar but it won’t be too much.

No tv for a 2 year old sounds perfectly reasonable. I would let mine have treats but you got snacks prepared so it will be easier for them.
I don't get this whole "hard to occupy " thing. He's got books? toys? Play dooh? Coulouring books? And he will take a nap I presume. They are there to spend time with DC not to put him infront of the tv? I'm with OP even though I think she's a little bit ott about the sugar:)

I mean limit sugar is one thing but no sugar as not even a biscuit seems ott

Of course not but I don't whip out a scientific research paper every time someone tells me something.

I have two children. My rules have not changed.

I don’t need childcare, so if you want my children unsupervised then you follow the rules. If I can’t trust you to do that then it’s supervised visits only.

(Probably worth noting our rules are different to OPs though, but the point remains the same.)