AIBU to have babysitting rules...

[finalstrawb]

... if I didn't ask for the babysitting?

We have very little support from family due to geography, but we make it work and never ask for help. MIL and FIL have asked to babysit as they love our DS - lovely for all of us, DS aged 2 gets time with GP, we get a few hours to ourselves. Babysitting between 12-5. WIBU to ask them to do no television. We severely limit screen time as DS is a bad sleeper and we find it helps. Also no sugar etc but we leave meals and snacks prepared.

If I requested childcare I wouldn't set rules but in this case AIBU? He has lots of toys and healthy snacks, they don't have to do anything except play with him (DS very spirited!)

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking, but it's a different question as to whether they will take it well. You know them better than us.

If they don’t take it well, then they shouldn’t be babysitting.

I'd just say that you find juice, chocolate etc and too much TV seems to stop him sleeping at night and you'd rather have a good night's rest before work .
And then something to recognise that they're grandparents and obviously want to indulge him a bit , play it by ear.
Not v well expressed sorry, trying to say explain it but relax! Don't make it a major instruction/rule.

Of course YANBU - no screens and no sugar is perfectly normal and if they want to spend time with their grandson as they've requested I'm sure they're not planning on parking him in front of the TV anyway, but still I would set out the expectations politely. They won't mind!

Thank you for having an open mind @finalstrawb

When I have my little DGCs, my priorities are fun and safety. It's a huge responsibility keeping someone else's children safe. So for instance, when I make a hot drink (and I really do need that break) I need to know that they're still and occupied, and I can relax with it safely.

Having rules like that - yes, unreasonable.

Sharing sone tips and making aware of consequences. Absolutely fine.

So don’t ‘ban tv’ but instead say that he’s got a tendency to turn into a bit of a monster after tv so you aim to keep it to a minimum, particularly in the afternoon. But if need a bit of quiet time then stories work well or Tiddler or Gruffalo on iplayer.

Sugar is a magic potion and gives him super powers to bounce around to midnight. So you try to avoid it in the afternoons, and keep anything like that for lunch pudding at the latest. Xyz make good snacks or treats. (Pain au chocolate being one of my go to’s here)

I don't think it's that unreasonable, seeing as they asked to do this. I'd say yes, but on condition that (include conditions) and ask if they're ok with that.

Limiting sugar isn't a bad thing for a 2 year old. However, I'd probably compromise a bit on the tv and say 'no tv/phone/ipad after 3pm' to give him time to unwind plenty before bedtime routine begins. They can always play some music or nursery rhymes if they feel it's too quiet.

This was how I planned to phrase it! They know we are on our knees after 2+ years sleep deprivation but they also want to spoil their only GC, which is natural. We used to allow tv on in background during the day but this is a recent change we are finding has helped. Chocolate and juice have always been off the table for us really.

I'd explain about the tv, but also hide the remotes.

I'd bend a bit on the sugar thing, but let them do it early on. In my experience that gives them the energy to hare around before crashing later on.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable AT ALL. If you say no tv, then no tv. (Same for sugar.) Explain why, be kind about it, but that’s your line.

YANBU, particularly as this is what they’ve asked to do… although I don’t think you’d be overly unreasonable even if it was a favour. If they can’t cope for a few hours without the tv, it’s a sad job, and the food is all stuff you’re providing anyway, so where the issue?

It seems they want to get to know their grandson. Have you kept them at arms length until now? Have things like tv or sweet treats not come up before? What makes you think they will just feed him chocolate in front of the tv? Tbh it sounds like you don't want them to spend time together.

Thank you. Re food they often bring tubes of buttons etc and I kind of have to go oooh lovely and just take them into the kitchen never to be seen again...

I'd explain about the tv, but also hide the remotes.

Oh come on...

I think this is a very reasonable thing to say to the GPs. I don't understand some of the harsh comments on here!

Noooo not at all! They're both busy in demanding jobs and don't have the capacity to offer regular childcare. When I was on mat leave we made rhe effort to see each other every week, it's just been harder now I'm back at work as our days off don't align

Have they explicitly said they will give them sugar? Surely as they’ve had their own children they’d realise this will keep them away & they wouldn’t want to do this straight before bed anyway?

think TV is fine - as a one off will do them zero harm.

5 hours with a 2 year old is a REALLY long time if you're not regularly looking after them already! I feel that you should have said no tbh, or at least given them the rules when saying yes

I voted that you’re being unreasonable just because it’s nice for children to get spoilt by grandparents every now and again. It’s a different relationship and can be a really important and valuable one for children. The GPs aren’t “doing you a favour” - they’re investing in your child and your child will benefit from that relationship. It’s not always indulgence either, I’ve seen my kids told off/managed by GPs in a different way and thought “oh that’s a good idea.” Just leave them to it. It’s hard when they’re little because you’re holding on to the routine as a way of coping with poor sleep/general demands of toddlerhood, but when I look back on my kids when they were little, a lot of those rules were for me rather than them and I’m sad about that.

Then, just politely explain that you are trying minimal sugar and limiting tv to try and help his poor sleep. Tell them your health visitor suggests it or something. It's all about how you phrase it. At the end of the day, they can choose to indulge him and not tell you. There's nothing you can do about that I'm afraid. I hope they have a lovely afternoon together.

Sugar does not keep children awake or make them hyperactive. There has been a lot of research on this and several double-blind, large scale, peer-reviewed studies have found no relationship whatsoever between sugar and poor sleep or hyperactivity. It's a myth.

www.babysleep.com/sleep-advice/is-it-true-that-sugar-can-make-children-more-active-and-keep-them-awake/

I would just explain to them that watching tv overstimulates him, and ask them to bear that in mind/keep it to a minimum.

Regarding the snacks, if they're all there prepared and there's no junk available for them to give him, I can't see that being an issue. Presumably they know by now that you don't give him sweets etc?

Just let them have a relaxing, enjoyable time with their grandchild. It's a one off so a few treats seem perfectly sensible. I think you are overthinking this. Being uptight and banning lots of things completely is not likely to help in the long run anyway.

To be fair he's never had chocolate or sugary stuff so this isn't about sleep, this is just following guidance on oral hygiene - I have particularly bad teeth and am concerned DS might be the same so am trying to mitigate any tooth damage early sugar might cause.

I really don't want to damage any relationship and I think rules was the wrong way to put it. ds is only going to be awake for 3.5 hours of the time so I'm just thinking of saying ooh is it OK to just use the tonies box as we find screens after nap overstimulated him a bit! It's true that DS will literally plonk himself in front of the tv if its on as well and won't engage with anyone so we just don't want that until 5pm but agree I can't control