WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

[GLP1U5er]

But back with them now. They have been drinking since 11am. I spoke with one of her friends and they said she went to the toilet but went the wrong way and left the bar. I had called her at that time to check in and she told me she was going back to them. She shared her location with me and I saw she got back to the bar her friends were in. I called a but later when I saw she was walking again and a slightly more sober friend came on to tell me she was fine and they had rang her when she went the wrong way then met her and brought her back.

She is 21 but I'm very nervous now that she is that much of a state she went the wrong way in a city she hasn't been drinking in before and is hotelling in. I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.

WWYD?

I can absolutely understand your concern.
I am just home from my near 18 year old.
She went out with 5 friends several of whom I was supposed to bring home.
They did shots and ended up being collected by parents.
My daughter spent the evening with other good friends.
But I am extremely concerned on her behalf as this is not the first time this has happened. She thinks she is going to a festival 3 hours away with them this summer but after this its not happening.
They swig back vodka like its water and are surprised when they are shit faced after it.
I am going to have to have a very frank conversation with her tomorrow because I don't trust them to mind each other when out. They are so vulnerable when out drinking with the amount of predatory men just waiting to pounce on a unsuspecting woman.

I hope you hear she is safe with her friends.

It's weird that you are tracking a 21-year-old on your phone and even more weird that she is OK with that.

Has anyone heard from OP or shall someone track her whereabouts and book a room nearby

It's difficult when she's not behaving like one. But I agree, you do sound over involved

I find it way over odd. There's being protective and there's being way over protective, she's an adult let her do what she wants

Why don't you put her on reins

It's hard to let go.however she's an adult. If she was at uni what could you do.shes with her friends, I have had nights worrying, but that's being a parent! You need to unclech and relax .no need to book a hotel ffs

I've considered booking a night in a hotel near where my son is staying overnight in an unknown place with a new group of friends in case I'm needed.

He's 6, with additional needs and it's his first Beavers "camp".

OP your daughter is an adult. Unless there's a major drip feed coming, you cannot babysit her. What you can do, is talk to her about this experience, about how she can keep herself safe if she gets lost/separated again but you certainly can't chaperone her...

It's difficult when she's not behaving like one. But I agree, you do sound over involved

Because she went the wrong way when she left the toilets?
Or because she's gone away for the night with her friends and they are drinking alcohol?

Good grief when does it end?! We are parenting at your level with our just 16 year old who is a party girl. Our 18 year old is on her own.

At 21 my friend and I spent the university summer holiday barrelling round Mexico on public transport we got into all sorts of scrapes our parents oblivious.

At 21 I was married with a 2 year old, and a lot of young women have left home, gone to university or whatever. Nobody wants to think of their children being in danger but she is an adult and needs to be treated as one.

This. Let her be an adult and make mistakes. She's never going to learn or be independent if mummy is always on hand to clear up the mess.

Your 21yo daughter lost her friends for a few minutes on the way back from the loo on a night out.

And your reaction is “I should book a hotel down the road to be there for her”?!?

Do you have any faith in your daughter to cope with life on her own?

I agree. How are young adults ever going to learn how to be independent and develop resourcefulness when their parents can track their every move and they can summon their help at the slightest difficulty?

It's no wonder that so many young people suffer with anxiety.

Oh wow! There is quite a lot of micro managing going on here. I have a 19 yo and a 21yo, I haven't tracked them since their early days at secondary school when they started walking to and from school on their own. I have absolutely no business knowing every step they take nor do I want to. You need to give her some proper independence and not panic and call he friends because she made the wrong turn coming out of the toilets. This will just make her and anxious and dependent adult.

I take at least one wrong turning every time I visit a strange city, and I've rarely had anything to drink. Chill out!

DS 17 got drunk in the US last year but I wasn't catching a plane to check on him. We phoned to make sure he was fine, which he was.

Let go OP. At 21 she is an adult!

Far too much pandering going on....leave your adult DC to get on with life on their own.

My eldest at 17 can cope with catching a plane on his own, catching a bus, a tram or a train independently. It's worrying how many parents keep hand holding their DC through everything. Let your DC work it out themselves. Yes, they make mistakes possibly along the way and they will learn from them.

Agree, this is a complete non event, young woman walks wrong way out if toilets and can’t find her friend for 5mins.

I think we’re heading for a generation of adults who are completely unable to do anything for themselves without everyone panicking and treating them like toddlers.

The idea of OP heading off to stay in a nearby hotel is ridiculous as are all the people suggesting they’d do the same, it’s doing young people no good whatsoever to have such little resilience and parents no good to feel this level of tracking and anxiety are in any way normal.

I appreciate your concern, its mums job to worry. But she isn't 14, she is 21, and needs to take responsibility for her actions, and needs to chose friends who she is confident will look out for her. At 23 I was volunteering in Nepal and backpacking across India, that was 20 years ago and the only contact my mum got from me was emails a couple times a week from an Internet cafe as foreign mobiles were extortionately expensive. You do not need to be going and staying in a hotel, you need to be confident that you have done your job giving her the skills to look after herself.

This

What happened OP, did you go? Is DD alright?

At 21 I was backpacking round the world and calling home once a month from a phone box. I can't believe this thread. Stop babying fully grown adults ffs.

I think you’re being over protective here, it’s normal 18 year old behaviour, and it doesn’t sound like anything bad actually happened? They got drunk and went home? And….?

Wrapping young adults in cotton wool rather than letting them grow up won’t teach your DD any resilience. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be sensible but being smart rather than paranoid about predatory men is a better lesson.

Are you suggesting you’re not going to ‘allow’ an 18 year old to go to a festival? Your dd is an adult, treat her like one.

And I remember my sister, my niece and various friends. On numerous occasions. Who are all still around to do it again next weekend 🤷