WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

[GLP1U5er]

But back with them now. They have been drinking since 11am. I spoke with one of her friends and they said she went to the toilet but went the wrong way and left the bar. I had called her at that time to check in and she told me she was going back to them. She shared her location with me and I saw she got back to the bar her friends were in. I called a but later when I saw she was walking again and a slightly more sober friend came on to tell me she was fine and they had rang her when she went the wrong way then met her and brought her back.

She is 21 but I'm very nervous now that she is that much of a state she went the wrong way in a city she hasn't been drinking in before and is hotelling in. I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.

WWYD?

Absolutely this
Can't imagine my parents getting involved to this level when I was 21 out for the night, and they're lovely and caring!
Granted there was no such thing as "location switched on" back then and glad of the fact.
Feel sorry for people growing up now.

Wtf?
Your answer adds nothing and sounds like you didn't even read

It's not rude. It's a valid question

A wrong turn out the bar 🤣 like that's normal.

You've made your point I've made mine let's move on.

It's pretty fucking normal actually
My many years sober auntie once did it
I've done it
I've had people come back to the table when out saying "I got lost"

Busy pubs and clubs with people in the way, unusual layouts, mirrors etc make it easy to get disorientated

Your point is to ignore the OP's unnecessary hovering and invent some scenario about her DD

Asking about treating the “baby” differently. Invalid questions from you that she didn’t need to answer. YOU added nothing. Yes it was rude.

@FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly none of the above. But I grew up in a town where the Yorkshire Ripper killed people and I was raped while at university. Maybe a bit of it stuck. I'm very far from a helicopter parent but I know you stay with your friends if you're out drinking. My kids also look out for each other (from different parts of the country). I am a worrier - try not to be - but like to know my kids are safe. What struck me on this thread was that a girl who had been drinking for 12 hours was without her friends.

I didn't invent a scenario. I offered some potential context. But sure keep on piling on when actually you have no idea how dd behaves towards her.

And "the baby" has been living in Liverpool for three years and travels all over the world independently or with friends. I hope I've instilled safe measures.

It's entirely relevant

This is about helicopter parenting

Asking if it's just because it's the "baby" aka the youngest is relevant

It's not rude.

That's a lot of trauma to have which would affect how you see the world and your worry levels.

But DD was alone for a few minutes because she'd taken a wrong turn. We also don't know she had been drinking solidly for 12 hours.

You have invented a situation
Because OP made no indication DD was the problem you're making her out to be

It's not a pile on.

Cool

I know it's hard, but it's part of parenting to live with worry. Can I just say, though, that some posters seem to think that 'these days' life is much more dangerous for young women. I'm not sure that is true.

I'm 60, and at 16 I was charging all round London: no mobiles, no Uber, no tracking, no taxis going south of the river, no cash. Sometimes I'd get stuck and sleep rough. It wasn't safe. My poor mother.

Nowadays there are so many ways to keep our kids safe (and captive!). I have two teenage dds, and we do have 360 tracking. But the deal is that if they want to opt out, they switch it off. And they often do. It is there for my dds if they want me to know where they are, not if I want to know where they are. It's a compromise that works for us.

I grew up in a town where the Yorkshire Ripper attacked someone. In fact I was working late on a college production one night and was late home. My dad was out looking for me because an attack had taken place about 200yds from the main road I was walking home on. He’d arrived home to find my mum stressing.
It really was a strange time to grow up in. Leaving home the year after to go to Uni in Birmingham was brilliant. It felt so much safer although it probably wasn’t.

I am not a helicopter parent but seem to be considered a safe parent to contact if there’s any problems. Less flappable and more likely to just deal with problems.
Id rather crawl out of bed and fetch DS then ferry mates home safely than yell at him.
He has another couple of friends with like minded parents. Now they are older they are much more likely to sort themselves out and they do taxi each other around when called upon.
DS was spiked a couple of years ago and injured his hand as a result so we spent the night in A&E. He had got separated from friends but remembers nothing of the evening. It was a wake up call for all of them and they are more vigilant now.
He’s now grown out of clubbing and prefers an evening in their favourite pub. The landlord loves them ( probably because they keep him in business).
He’s now at uni though so I have no idea what he’s up to. I occasionally use find my phone to check he’s back in his flat by Sunday lunchtime but otherwise it’s pointless spending sleepless nights worrying. My parents managed without mobiles and tracking devices I’m sure we can.

You just want someone to acknowledge your bs. I see that from the way you acknowledge her trauma and then add “but” to validate you invalidated points. It’s not about helicopter parenting. You added that as an also. Eff off talking shit

I would go to sleep. Thinking of booking a hotel near her night out seems ridiculous to me. I was on an Erasmus in Turkey at 21 and probably called my parents once a month (I'm 31 now so it wasn't that long ago either).

Her DD having form for contacting her, telling her she’s in trouble, and then not getting back to OP to tell her she’s fine (a scenario that is entirely conjecture on your part and not supported by anything the OP has said in any of her posts) would not make it reasonable to go to the city and get a hotel room. Especially since she knew her DD had got back to her friends. It is a total over reaction, not at all reasonable or rational. So it still strongly indicates that OP makes the drama and doesn’t support the idea that her DD is equally likely to.

I didn't say it did.

So what was the purpose of your new conjecture that “dd has form for telling her she's in trouble then disappearing”?

It was in direct response to my pointing out why the DD wasn’t equally likely to be the drama lama.

I said it's possible she has.

I certainly didn't write it to you to be interrogated like you're a lawyer.

We are all allowed opinions however hard you find that.

Calling something an opinion isn’t a get out clause for being unfair to others - as you have been to the DD.

I’ve simply been pointing out that your premise is not based on anything OP has actually said and your reasoning, even if you were correct about the premise, is invalid.

And you still haven’t said WHY you made up this new possible flaw in DD’s character.

@FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly not suffering trauma. I have no idea if dd is in or out tonight. Will go to bed not worrying in the slightest. OP was worried about her child because she had been separated from friends and drinking. OK I wouldn't have headed to the town myself but would have been on alert because I'm a parent. If you add up my 4 children's ages I've had 109 year of being a mum. I do know what I'm on about.

next time she is home for a visit, I would have a conversation with her and hope she has figured out how to moderate her drinking so she doesn’t get so drunk that she can’t take care of herself. It’s easy to make mistakes when first learning to drink.

If she thinks getting that drunk was fine, then I would go into mom mode and give her a bit of a lecture on not over-indulging.

I get very anxious about my young adults.

I've been honest with them and told them how I worry unnecessarily. Therefore, I told them to take me off "findmyiphone" so I can't track them, but leave my husband on there in case of emergency. He won't look unless necessary!

I agree it's an overreaction, checking in, 360, helicopter anxiety. No thanks.