WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

[GLP1U5er]

But back with them now. They have been drinking since 11am. I spoke with one of her friends and they said she went to the toilet but went the wrong way and left the bar. I had called her at that time to check in and she told me she was going back to them. She shared her location with me and I saw she got back to the bar her friends were in. I called a but later when I saw she was walking again and a slightly more sober friend came on to tell me she was fine and they had rang her when she went the wrong way then met her and brought her back.

She is 21 but I'm very nervous now that she is that much of a state she went the wrong way in a city she hasn't been drinking in before and is hotelling in. I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.

WWYD?

I dont understand what your problem is there windows? Girl goes out has some drinks and comes home with a different friendship group, Am I missing something?!

I see you’re getting a lot of condescending responses but I totally see your point. I was an awful drinker in my 20s and got into some really scary situations. I think it’s lovely that you’re thinking of going to stay nearby, I don’t think it’s overbearing at all.

She’s 21. It’s really bad that you’re tracking her

At 21 my DD was at uni. I had no idea where she was, who she was with r or what she was doing. Shes an adult and has to learn from her mistakes. You shouldn’t still be parenting this way.

I have not rtft, but I think that you should do what you want to do, OP. Do what gives you peace of mind, regardless of whatever insults a bunch of strangers on MN throw at you. Your DD will never know that you booked a hotel in order to be on hand if she needs you.

A couple of months ago a young friend of mine (much older than your DD - a fairly mature woman) got very drunk. She travelled home on public transport with friends and got off the bus in order to board another bus and was raped by a random. What are the odds of that? She got pass-out drunk and a random stranger - who just happened to be a rapist - chanced upon her and did whatever he wanted. In the months that have followed I have had to witness this person's life and mind falling apart.

A couple of weeks ago I was out with a young relative and would not have had any peace of mind unless I had seen them to the door of their uni accommodation. What they do on their own is up to them, the chances they take etc., but when they are with me I have to make sure that they are safe - for my own peace of mind if nothing else.

As this was last night, I think the OP has probably made her decision by now

A couple of months ago a young friend of mine (much older than your DD - a fairly mature woman) got very drunk. She travelled home on public transport with friends and got off the bus in order to board another bus and was raped by a random. What are the odds of that? She got pass-out drunk and a random stranger - who just happened to be a rapist - chanced upon her and did whatever he wanted. In the months that have followed I have had to witness this person's life and mind falling apart

So if her mammy had been in a hotel that wouldn't have happened? It's her mammy's fault then. And this woman was much older than the OP's dd so the op is going to have to track her dd and stay in hotels for years.

I'll step out of line and say have a chat with her about sensible drinking when she's sober

Then google India Chipchase.

Nope. You know that isn't what I'm saying. OP got wind of her daughter having a bad night. It is up to her what she does with that knowledge.

I personally would never have let a friend travel home alone (whatever their age) if they were flat out drunk. I saw a young man in that predicament at xmas too and I may be a very anxious person, but I wondered about his well being.

The way that you have twisted what I said is so annoying. And the mocking tone of your post is just horrible.

Made me smile - 21-year old adult - really made me smile. Just because physically she is an adult, means nothing, literally nothing about her psychological maturity.

To update. No I didn't go. I watched that map every half hour though! It showed her at her hotel at 2am which was thankfully much earlier than anticipated.

A lot of conjecture and lack of comprehension/maybe I wasn't clear in my OP and didn't include the below context:

• this is a new city to all of them.

• she didn't get lost inside the pub, she had headed outside of it and wandered away from the pub down a street.

• she could string a sentence together but was clearly intoxicated and I worried if she kept drinking and got lost again would become extremely vulnerable.

This, how does a mum end up getting involved and texting friends on a night out for their 21 year old? I've had countless nights at that age where I ended up separated from friends. I would have died of mortification if my mum had got involved.

Yes awful things can happen but things like rape, murder are rare and can happen drunk or sober. There's always risks but this is part of being an adult and despite the desire of some parents on here to wrap their kids in cotton wool and be involved and monitor all aspects of their life until they are 30. A 21 year old needs to be left alone to live their life. Someone's mum being present on a night out or booking a hotel isn't going to prevent something happening. As someone said where does it end.

And the mother of said 21 year old being in a nearby hotel rather than at home also means literally nothing, what practical use would this actually be?

I don't understand the new city bit either. I had countless nights out and at 20 was back packing round South America and Australia and on many occasions quite drunk. A new city or not, a 21 year old needs to be left alone and treated like an adult. Tracking her location at that age just seems bizarre.

The thing is that the friends didn't seem to mind op's "interference"at all. In fact they seemed far more understanding than many people on here and reassured OP.

In any case, everything worked out OK and I hope OP managed to get a good night's sleep after all that.

So basically you stalked your daughter on a completely normal night out?

It’s very very usual to go out in a new city. Many thousands of young people move to completely new cities all the time, let alone have one night out.

She wandered off and came back, nothing to stay up all night checking her location for.

I think you need to realise your level of anxiety isn’t good for you, or your daughter, sounds like you’ve led a very sheltered life, give your daughter a bit of space and don’t impose your own anxieties on her.

I get that you were worried but going to a new city on a night out isn't a big deal. Many 21 year olds travel the world - their parents aren't considering booking local hotel rooms because their kids are drunk in a new place. Let her make her own mistakes.

So what age do you think people should legally be allowed to drink alcohol if you think a 21 year old is too immature to drink?
Considering she is legally allowed to have sex, get married, drive a car and vote its pretty bizarre you think she is too immature to go out socialising with her friends.
Do you think she is too psychologically immature to stay in a hotel as well?
At what age do you think she should be allowed out on her own?

Wow you need to get a grip. She's 21. An adult. Leave her be. Are you going to worry about her like this your whole life? Have a stern word about not drinking so much if you want. To be honest most twenty somethings do it and survive.

This.

One of my beautiful, kind friends, Sian O’Callaghan was murdered by a taxi driver who picked her up from the club she had been at that night.

The group had stuck together all night, she hadn’t gone off with a random guy or walked home alone - she booked a licensed cab to get home safely and she still lost her life.

My point is, you staying in a nearby hotel wouldn’t have made any difference if things had taken a bad turn. You need to let your daughter be an adult and figure things out for herself. I understand she will always be your baby and you just want to protect her, but if you keep swooping in to save the day she will end up with zero life skills or street smarts.

The most productive thing you can do for her here is speak to her about the importance of drinking in moderation, but I’d imagine at 21 it’ll fall on deaf ears.

“I live 1hr20 mins away and am on the verge of getting a hotel and staying on the city for the night incase it happens again when her friends are too drunk to react.”

she will never grow and learn resilience if you act like this. Ultimately it was fine anyway, she got back to her friends. The lesson you should be imparting is make sure your phone is charged for a night out, have some water every couple of drinks, make sure you’ve eaten and have money for a taxi home if needed and then let her live her life.

she’s 21 not 12 - she needs to have an experience like that to know how to not have an experience like that next time.

She’s 21. You are being way over protective. I used to go out a lot at that age with friends and I’d have been very angry at you for embarrassing me by doing this

I have 2 DDs so I know how it feels to worry about them, but I really think you need to work on your anxiety around this. Tracking a 21 year old all night when she's just having a nice night out with her friends is really not normal.
We're not talking about a 16 year old here, she's 21! Going to a new city is something any 21 year old should be able to do. What would you do if she went abroad? Track her and worry the whole time? Fly out there at the slightest problem?
You need to loosen the apron strings for both your sakes

This!