To not reciprocate 3am pick ups by other Mum?

[bringmetolife]

DD and three friends go clubbing in a town 13 miles away about two Saturdays a month. There isn’t a great nightlife for teens in our town, there are several pubs, some are open late, but it’s pretty tame and I understand why they go further afield.

DD’s friend’s Mum started collecting them in October when her daughter and her BF broke up (he used to do it for petrol money and the others would contribute, there were three originally but now another has turned 18) I was incredulous when DD told me she was collecting them at at 3am, sometimes later, I gave DD cash to give her for petrol but she wouldn’t take it, I get that, I’d probably feel awkward about it too. So I bought a voucher for a local restaurant that I know she and her DH like, and put it in a Christmas card for her. Based on what I know about the other two, I think they have probably not offered anything.

For context, there is no Uber where we live, and a taxi home is about £50-£60.

So here is the AIBU - yesterday the driving Mum sent a WhatsApp to me and the other two Mums (no Dad’s mentioned or included) basically saying (nicely and reasonably) that she’s had enough, and that she’d like to be able to plan more things for herself at weekends (perfectly reasonable) She said about how we all know the risks to girls (I don’t disagree) and that to keep them safe, perhaps we could start a rota so that we take it in turns to collect them. I can’t think of anything worse, after a long week at work giving up my Saturday night (and my glass or three of Chardonnay) to go and collect three pissed teenagers in the middle of the night.

I replied saying that she’s a bloody hero for doing it as long as she did, and I totally get why she doesn’t want to continue. But that I’m not up for doing the lifts, sorry. I suggested that I can speak to DD about pre-booking a taxi (the service that used to take my DS to school, DBS checked, well known to us and only three drivers, all of which we know) One other Mum replied that she can’t as her husband is disabled but didn’t really suggest anything. Radio silence from the other one. Slightly frosty reply from driving Mum today saying if nobody else is going to do it tonight then she will have to. But then something else will have to be sorted long term.

AIBU? I’m really not up for getting up at that time and doing a thirty mile journey unless it’s an emergency. A taxi would be £12.50-£15 each, the girls should factor this into their night out. I’m happy to pay it for DD while she’s still studying.

YABU- I’m being a selfish ungrateful arse, she’s done it for weeks, now it’s my turn to share the load.

YANBU - the girls can book a taxi, they need to start taking responsibility for this stuff to prepare for uni and nobody should be guilted into getting up at 3am!

Every few weeks, you and your parents are picking one another up at 3am?

If they're old enough to go clubbing, they're old enough to club together and share an uber/taxi home.

Just because one mum has got herself tied into this doesn't mean that others have to!

So if she wants to collect them every 4th time, then they can pay for a taxi for the other three or whatever suits.

Mine used to stay out until about 6/7am when places closed & trains were running again!

I think I’m going against the grain here, but I would take my turn doing the pick ups, not for the other mum, but for your own DD.

I was lucky as a teenager and in my early twenties, as my parents made the decision that as it was their choice to live in the middle of nowhere, they would collect us from nights out. Bless them.

Where are the Dads? DH would beat me to the keys if he thought DDs were drunk in a taxi in the middle of the night...nope. Speak to any woman or the family of any woman who has been viciously attacked and ask if they'd have spent one night every few months driving to save it happening. So many girls are attacked. And an 18 year old is not a 30 year old. Bollocks to saying they're fully formed adults.

I would do it on odd occasion but mostly no… they should book taxi.

I would chat to the other driving mum, and suggest gently that the school taxi is safe and getting yourself home is an important part of starting to grow up, that they all seem to understand the importance of staying together. I’d also say if I did end up doing a pick up it would be 1am because we couldn’t all just stay up to 4 in the morning, that we all know the stats on driving tired.

my pil would have done this for my sil, and frankly I think a bit more of you need to take some responsibility for your choices to go out would have helped her be a less entitled adult. She was still doing this in her 20s- ‘oh I booked a flight home, it lands not at the close airport but at the one that’s an hours drive away, landing at 1am, I’ll need a ride. That flight was cheaper for me.’

I would and have for DSs and DD. Their sex is irrelevant. My philosophy is I might not be thrilled but no questions asked, if you call I'll come no matter where and what time, I'd rather they were safe. This once included a sixty mile drive to a festival at 2am, but I can probably count on both hands the number of times they've rung.
You'd be talking about once every eight weeks. Who do you want last in a cab?
My stance on this stems from losing my DB on a night out when he was just nineteen years old.

Oh, absolutely this!

The thought of my mother, sat outside Clatty Pats at 3am, waiting to pick me up 🙈.

My girl friend used to stay at my house every Saturday night so neither of us had to go home on our own.

I did it - or sometimes dh did. Why wouldn't I? We chose to live in a lovely location miles from anywhere with no uber and not great taxis. Honestly, it doesn't last long. Now my dcs give us lifts to things from time to time when they're at home.

YANBU

It genuinely would never cross my mind to collect a child at 3am from a club. When I was 14 I had a boyfriend who lived on the other side of town - my curfew was 10pm and I had to pay for a taxi home from his house. There was no way my mum would collect me on a weekend night - she worked full time and deserved her glass of wine. I saved my weekly pocket money. Sometimes I walked which took an hour but I’d usually pay the money to have an extra 45 mins snogging at his house.

I’d pick up and I think you’re lucky that you have someone who could share the burden.

It’s a real shame that you and the other mums won’t compromise or meet her half way when it’s pretty obvious that safety is a major concern for her.

Absolutely no way I'd be out at 3am collecting them - they're old enough to get a taxi, especially if there's a few of them together. I do what my own parents did & ask my children to photograph the numberplate of the cab and send it to me before they get in.

The only people ‘taking the piss’ are the 18 year old women who expect their mother’s to pick them up a 3am.

Its an awkward one the other mum has made a rod for her own back. I am not surprised she is fed up she probably either hoped it would be short lived of the rest of the mums would offer and you could have a rota for 3AM pick ups between you.

I wouldn’t fancy this either (especially as two of the other mums aren’t keen).

You could offer to pay once a month if you so desired or the girls need to decide to either a) go out less often, b) either one of them drives and doesn’t drink on a rota basis or each of the girls take it in turn to either pay for a taxi or get a lift from a parent or they learn to be happy with Pres and the local Wetherspoon's.

They should just be happy with the pub and save clubbing for birthdays. When I was younger I lived in a village, so it was the pubs for us. Nightclubs were for special occasions, with taxis. The girls have to.learn to be more independent and not rely on their.parents so.much.

There is no way I would be driving to another town at 3am.
If some of them are not convinced about the taxi option, maybe they could club together for a hotel room in that town and then get a bus back in the morning?
The most important thing is that they stick together but maybe they need to cut it down to once a month if cost is an issue.

Not familiar with Clatty Pats but it sounds Scottish? My experience of Scottish nightclubs was Rainbow Rocks and the Fubar in Stirling....the taxi queue at the back was the best! 😱

Could you have a once a month rota between the three parents (excluding the one whose DH is disabled) and then they can get a taxi on the other monthly trip? There are probably only 9 months until your kids go off to uni, so you would only have to do it 3 times. Plus, more people will turn 18 soon. If they can't all get lifts, you might find the pub in local town becomes more popular.

Even if it's just down to two of you, it's once a month. I couldn't get too bothered by it and it won't be forever. Part of me would be glad that they're getting picked up and not finding their own way back.

I'd do it for my DDs - especially as would only be once a month - I'm the same as the other mum... wouldn't sleep til she got home anyway.

Yes that does seem odd

Legendary in Glasgow, especially if you were a student nurse 😁