To not reciprocate 3am pick ups by other Mum?

[bringmetolife]

DD and three friends go clubbing in a town 13 miles away about two Saturdays a month. There isn’t a great nightlife for teens in our town, there are several pubs, some are open late, but it’s pretty tame and I understand why they go further afield.

DD’s friend’s Mum started collecting them in October when her daughter and her BF broke up (he used to do it for petrol money and the others would contribute, there were three originally but now another has turned 18) I was incredulous when DD told me she was collecting them at at 3am, sometimes later, I gave DD cash to give her for petrol but she wouldn’t take it, I get that, I’d probably feel awkward about it too. So I bought a voucher for a local restaurant that I know she and her DH like, and put it in a Christmas card for her. Based on what I know about the other two, I think they have probably not offered anything.

For context, there is no Uber where we live, and a taxi home is about £50-£60.

So here is the AIBU - yesterday the driving Mum sent a WhatsApp to me and the other two Mums (no Dad’s mentioned or included) basically saying (nicely and reasonably) that she’s had enough, and that she’d like to be able to plan more things for herself at weekends (perfectly reasonable) She said about how we all know the risks to girls (I don’t disagree) and that to keep them safe, perhaps we could start a rota so that we take it in turns to collect them. I can’t think of anything worse, after a long week at work giving up my Saturday night (and my glass or three of Chardonnay) to go and collect three pissed teenagers in the middle of the night.

I replied saying that she’s a bloody hero for doing it as long as she did, and I totally get why she doesn’t want to continue. But that I’m not up for doing the lifts, sorry. I suggested that I can speak to DD about pre-booking a taxi (the service that used to take my DS to school, DBS checked, well known to us and only three drivers, all of which we know) One other Mum replied that she can’t as her husband is disabled but didn’t really suggest anything. Radio silence from the other one. Slightly frosty reply from driving Mum today saying if nobody else is going to do it tonight then she will have to. But then something else will have to be sorted long term.

AIBU? I’m really not up for getting up at that time and doing a thirty mile journey unless it’s an emergency. A taxi would be £12.50-£15 each, the girls should factor this into their night out. I’m happy to pay it for DD while she’s still studying.

YABU- I’m being a selfish ungrateful arse, she’s done it for weeks, now it’s my turn to share the load.

YANBU - the girls can book a taxi, they need to start taking responsibility for this stuff to prepare for uni and nobody should be guilted into getting up at 3am!

Yes once every two months a parent picks them up or the girl whose turn it is pays for the taxi (maybe parent has to help with that depending on finances.) Parents get the option then.

For all those saying what about uni it’s a totally different set up. There’s a nightclub at the uni itself. There’s so many of them living together they walk or uber back as far as I know but there’s always someone heading their way.
I found I never slept deeply when she was out in yr13.

I had some scary taxi experiences back in the day, and would much prefer to pick any of mine and their dfs up. Though your taxi arrangement does sound good.

would you reach out directly to the first mum and ask her if she’d be comfortable with you substituting that taxi on your rostered night.

My df and one other dad in our friends’ group were always willing to come and pick us up after a night out. And all these years later they’re still spoken of with immense gratitude. It’s something I want to pay forward.

tte mums anxiety isnt your problem-so is safe to go into a club were you get spiked an god knows what else but wont let her get into a an approved taxi that youve use for school

This just brought back memories of my dad picking us up from clubs in our nearest city at 1 or 2 am almost every weekend in our teens! We didn't ask, he just did it. God bless him, what a hero. Must just have been worried about us getting home OK.

No answer for you OP, just feeling a bit emotional now about how much our parents do for us and how little we appreciate it at the time.

Surely they all chip in and share a taxi?
That's what I did
My DSs all did the same or slept over at a friends

If there’s a nightclub where they are I’m pretty sure there will be Ubers too so tell them to book an Uber before they leave, you’d have to live in Outer Mongolia to not have Ubers……..

I would have been quite drunk after a night out at that age, talking complete shite, and verging on the obnoxious.

Can't imagine wanting ANYONE'S mum, least of all my own, to be picking me up in that state.

God no, I wouldn’t do it - my DD is the same age as yours OP. Mind you, nightclubs aren’t even on the radar for her, she’d cringe at the thought. But me or her dad picking her up in front of her pals. Ha ha ha ha.

I used to get home from clubbing perfectly fine in a taxi.No need for parents

Agreed. Shared that's reasonable that's two less drinks each they can have a lambrini or a shot on the way there instead of buying a drink in the club to fund their taxi.

I think sleepovers at one girls house and that girl is in charge of getting them all home (either using a mum or booking a taxi)

This.

Though I think everyone apart from the driving mother has been taking the piss, quite frankly.

If you/other parents do this then you know they are safe.
vs
Its quite a commitment to be Mums’ taxis even if its on a rota.

I was the driver albeit Dad’s taxis. (No rota.). From clubs and work in hotel trade.

sometimes I’d go to bed first and get up at 2.30 am.

Ps I'm 38 and have a midnight curfew from my parents (who babysit for me)

My kids aren’t this age yet but my friends kids are. She has a reciprocal arrangement with them that if she picks them up at 3am. They pick her up at 3am when she’s been out. Works really bloody well and I’m hoping my kids will do the same when the time comes. I don’t plan on giving up clubbing any time soon. Be raving in to my 60’s

I lived rurally as a teen, went clubbing...stayed sober and drove home.

I would reciprocate. 18 is still, effectively, a child. I would be happier picking up and would be happy to operate a rotation.

The girls need to sort this out between themselves. I can’t imagine having a WhatsApp group with the mums of my adult children! The girls need to budget a taxi into their night out and driving mum should stop enabling the girls. I will happily keep my phone on all night when my children are out - they can call me if there’s an emergency. I also drive younger children to parties (reluctantly, but I do it!). But no way would I drive 4 adults who go out clubbing home at 3 AM. YANBU!

Yes, it would work out to once a month if the OP and the other mother took it in turns. This is not a massive disruption of her life.

I did date a guy from Glasgow once and I do remember him telling me about Clatty Pats

must not Google this guy and send him a friend's request

Bless my mum, she used to come in and pick me up at 3am on Saturdays.

There were NO taxis at the time though in my area.

If it’s once every couple of months I wouldn’t mind doing it if honest. But DS has also picked us up before when very late.

It’s really not. 18 year olds are more than capable of pre booking a taxi with a reputable taxi firm.

im baffled that this mum expects everyone to do a rota for 3am pick ups for 18 year olds.

I bet the clubs are shite these days too.