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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dumped by a voice note after 12 months

172 replies

Fayruh · 25/01/2025 12:37

Been in a situationship and he's ended it by voice note after 12 months. I knew it was coming and wanted to stay friends (he has requested this too), but don't think I can because he's not had the decency to say this face to face. AIBU? And how would you communicate this?

OP posts:
SereneCapybara · 26/01/2025 16:49

Fayruh · 26/01/2025 15:36

Thank you all for your wonderful advice! I'm now healing from the whole situation but of course there's still the issue looming of whether to reply or not. For now I'm giving him the silent treatment. I'm nervous to see him at work, although we have a large workplace, but I know our paths are going to cross at some point. I guess if he comes up to talk to me about things at work i'll just have to tell him that he's a prick 🤣

No. Don't tell him he's a prick. The minute you use a word like that, you sound hurt and that feeds his ego. If he comes to speak to you about it, look puzzled, say you are fine and there's nothing to discuss. Treat being chucked by voicemail by him as though it is about as interesting in your life as the last office memo about keeping the kitchen clean.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/01/2025 16:51

I think the whole point of situationship is it's no strings attached and doesn't come with the relationship style rules

exaltedwombat · 26/01/2025 17:44

You're upset. But he hasn't actually done anything TERRIBLE. Sleep on it.

Laura95167 · 26/01/2025 18:15

It was a situationship 12 months in so of course it was ending.

Sounds like you didn't want it too though.

He dumped you by voice note.

You have enough friends.

He's not yours

Laura95167 · 26/01/2025 18:19

Fayruh · 25/01/2025 12:42

@RocketNan love that! @PullTheBricksDown I honestly always thought we would stay friends so it's been quite upsetting the way he's gone about things

I find it odd that you knew it was coming to an end and wanted to he friends and "he'd expressed that too" so you've clear had an almost break up chat and not got there.

If you aren't in a relationship, its difficult to break up.

Maybe all his let's be friends chat was BS and he was just trying to be nice.

I think you're better cutting your losses

Busywithsomething · 26/01/2025 18:19

Best revenge is to ignore and forget him.

Stigsmother · 26/01/2025 19:00

If you do decide to reply, I think you owe to him to make sure it is by voice note 😁

Tipperttruck · 26/01/2025 19:03

Ghost him. And by that I mean convince him that you were a ghost all along.

Bunny65 · 26/01/2025 19:22

Best not to reply at all. I wouldn't block. He is bound to crawl back apologising at some point (men usually do, even after years) and by then everything may look completely different.

Nikki75 · 26/01/2025 19:26

Respect his decision.. and walk away and keep walking and do not stay friends just so he can have you as an option.
Show him and go find someone else !!

MrsMrsD · 26/01/2025 20:05

Sorry OP but you were a f *ck buddy. There is no friendship to be had after that ends.

Missj25 · 26/01/2025 20:43

WoW , 10 years & he finished it through a WhatsApp message , That’s awful 😔…x
I’d 💯 need Counselling…..

OP , finishing things with a voice note also shitty behaviour..
I don’t care if it was FWB , that’s exactly it , Friends!!!
Friends don’t do treat one another like that ..
He’s not your friend , he’s a first class dick ..
So try not to miss his friendship too much , it wasn’t geuine ….
Sorry you have to go through this though , at the same time x

Peacockcolours · 26/01/2025 20:51

ForeverPombear · 25/01/2025 12:58

I was dumped by a Whatsapp message after 10 years together. I'd only gone away on holiday for 2 weeks.

I messaged back saying after 10 years I was worth more than a message but ok, I got the message and that was it.

😢

Jillfi · 26/01/2025 21:04

I'd block him and leave him guessing.

Themaghag · 26/01/2025 22:07

Fayruh · 25/01/2025 12:50

@smallsilvercloud I just wanted to be able to talk to him face to face so we could have shut the door and stayed friends. He's not given me the chance.

Why don't you just tell him that? That you are disappointed that he didn't finish it cleanly and his failure to do that has made it difficult for you to remain friends.

Jillfi · 26/01/2025 22:53

Themaghag · 26/01/2025 22:07

Why don't you just tell him that? That you are disappointed that he didn't finish it cleanly and his failure to do that has made it difficult for you to remain friends.

Show quote history

Why facilitate that given his behaviour?

Greyish2025 · 27/01/2025 09:53

Fayruh · 26/01/2025 15:36

Thank you all for your wonderful advice! I'm now healing from the whole situation but of course there's still the issue looming of whether to reply or not. For now I'm giving him the silent treatment. I'm nervous to see him at work, although we have a large workplace, but I know our paths are going to cross at some point. I guess if he comes up to talk to me about things at work i'll just have to tell him that he's a prick 🤣

Or to confuse him, you could behave totally normally and not mention it at all…. He will wonder what’s going on😂

Themaghag · 27/01/2025 12:08

Jillfi · 26/01/2025 22:53

Why facilitate that given his behaviour?

Show quote history

Because in this context, where they work at the same place and may have to deal with each other in a professional capacity in the future, it makes things easier for the OP if she responds in a temperate way, while also expressing her disappointment that his dickish behaviour has sadly made it very difficult for them to remain friends. He then has the chance to apologise, she can graciously accept and it will ease the way for future professional interactions without ongoing awkwardness. Obviously, without the work connection, she could simply just ignore and block him.

Original poster
Fayruh · 27/01/2025 13:47

@the
@Themaghag that's exactly what I did- I expressed my disappointment in a polite way, he didn't apologize. I kept pushing and then tried to cut my loses and amend the situation. At this point be had a massive go at me to the point where I felt bad and had to apologize to him... 😭

OP posts:
BettyBardMacDonald · 27/01/2025 13:55

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/01/2025 16:51

I think the whole point of situationship is it's no strings attached and doesn't come with the relationship style rules

This is spot on. No strings attached means either party can pull away without apologies.

Themaghag · 27/01/2025 13:57

Fayruh · 27/01/2025 13:47

@the
@Themaghag that's exactly what I did- I expressed my disappointment in a polite way, he didn't apologize. I kept pushing and then tried to cut my loses and amend the situation. At this point be had a massive go at me to the point where I felt bad and had to apologize to him... 😭

That's really unfortunate - but your guy sounds such a prick that the one consolation you have is that you are well rid of him! If the OP doesn't get an apology, she should just leave it and block him and then, if they do come face- to-face over a work matter. she'll at least be on the front foot, knowing that she behaved in a dignified and adult way, while he behaved like the utter dick he undoubtedly is!

Gggglinda · 27/01/2025 14:00

how can you be sure he wasn't in a relationship?

Original poster
Fayruh · 27/01/2025 14:15

@Gggglinda he had never been in a relationship and wasn't in a position to have one

OP posts:
Macrodatarefiner · 27/01/2025 14:20

Fayruh · 25/01/2025 12:44

@devastatedagain a situationship would be more like a friendship but with intimacy, less serious than a relationship

It sounds like it was more a source of sex and less a friendship from his side.

These things always cause pain to one party

Laura95167 · 27/01/2025 14:27

Fayruh · 27/01/2025 13:47

@the
@Themaghag that's exactly what I did- I expressed my disappointment in a polite way, he didn't apologize. I kept pushing and then tried to cut my loses and amend the situation. At this point be had a massive go at me to the point where I felt bad and had to apologize to him... 😭

Tbh sounds like not everyone you lose is a loss kinda situation.

He called you his friend, but was happy to have sex and not commit to you. "Ended" it via voice note and when you told him he hurt you, he decided he didn't and gaslit you into apologising to him.

I know it hurts but long term he's shown you who he is don't look away but also move on and don't look back