Dumped by a voice note after 12 months

[Fayruh]

Been in a situationship and he's ended it by voice note after 12 months. I knew it was coming and wanted to stay friends (he has requested this too), but don't think I can because he's not had the decency to say this face to face. AIBU? And how would you communicate this?

I’d send a text: ‘I’m not interested in remaining friends with you. Sending a voice note because you were too cowardly to have an adult conversation to end a year-long relationship really isn’t something I have much time or respect for. I wish you well but please don’t contact me again.’

This. It's called respect.

I don't get it. Within a FWB sort of situation one person wishes to drop the sex part of it and lets the other person know.

The other person is now not talking for days and has taken offence.

He does not want to have further sex with OP within their "not serious" situationship. The way he let her know about it seems befitting the context. It's not that deep and sounds like it never was - he just doesn't want to fuck anymore.

I could totally see myself doing similar via a message. What's the point of FWB if it still involves all this relationship palaver?

I think the 'hope we can stay friends' is more a way to finish a dumping rather than an actual request to stay mates.

It's a polite way to say, 'I imagine we'll never speak again, Bye!'.

I could totally see myself doing similar via a message. What's the point of FWB if it still involves all this relationship palaver?

I do agree with this. I have FWBs because I cherish my single life and the peace that comes with that.

Usually a friends with benefits scenario.

More often than not, the woman will develop feelings and wants to pursue a proper relationship. The man typically leads the woman on, love bombs etc. to keep her sweet and can get sex on tap and intimacy when it suits him. Then when the man has had enough he will drop the woman like a hat, because he didn’t see it as anything more than ‘just sex’ leaving the woman hurt and confused.

Nothing ever good comes out this kind of setup. I don’t even think men believe in “situationsships”. To them it’s either casual sex, or a full blown relationship.

If you were never in an official relationship anyway (so both seeing other people when you wanted, I assume?) then what is he ending? Did you meet exclusively for sex, and weren’t together in public, or did you do normal things like go out for lunch, go to cinema together etc?

If it was only sex then you weren’t friends to start with, so you don’t need to stay friends with him as your shared activity has gone. But if you did spend time together you could stay friends, but you won’t really be friends as you want to be more than friends.

Has he met someone do you think? Who he does want to be exclusive with, as there doesn’t seem to be any point to him “ending” something where there was never any commitment anyway

I think the voice note is hurtful but would prob be hurtful anyway - just give yourself some time I would say and as others have said. I wouldn't worry about the friendship thing it really is just an expression in these scenarios I feel which is closer to 'no hard feelings' than I expect us to carry on friendship immediately. Maybe in time you will get back to being friends and maybe not but right now you need space away from him. Would preserve dignity to be honest by either not replying or minimal polite no worries response - it's tough but the male ego thrives more on the 'how could you do this' and this gets under the skin more effectively if you're feeling petty

Something Is wrong here, if it's a FWB thing, you shouldn't really have any feelings or care.

If you care, then FWB was never going to work anyway.

First replied nailed it (as is often the case on here !)

So you'd be an occasional shag? He's shown you how little he thinks of you. Don't get sucked back in by some of the suggested replies, he'll be in touch when he finds out the women he thinks he's entitled to, aren't interested.

It would be a pretty embarrassing conversation face to face wouldn't it?
'I no longer want to have sex with you.'

I'd rather be dumped by voice note than some dreary in-person conversation. If it's over, it's over.

Changed my vote to YABU after I re-read and realised it said situationship not relationship.

Relationships should be ended face to face.

FWB aren’t the same. There shouldn’t be an assumption that there’s an enduring thing that has to be “ended”. That would be an actual relationship.

FWB sometimes just dwindle in the way that a friendship drifts. When mine (from a long time ago) got in touch one day after a little gap, I just replied to his message saying “actually I’ve met someone” and a few more sentences, he replied back along the lines of “well if you ever find yourself in a different situation again get in touch” and that was that. Absolutely no need to have met up with him face to face to inform him that our FWB situation was over.

I think OP that the potential ambiguity of FWB has not served you well and it sounds like you considered it to be a relationship.

I don’t think he’s planning on seeing you again after behaving like that.

Tbh I would prefer to be dumped by text. Far worse to be all excited about seeing them only to be dumped in a pub when you’ve got all dressed up.

I wouldn’t waste too much time worrying about this. Just text him the words “no worries “, or “ok/noted/agreed” or the thumbs up emoji. No need to block. Just take ages to respond to any future texts and then say you are unavailable and don’t send any yourself unless responding. It will soon go quietly away.

@MrsFass @QueenCamilla @AnnaL94 we were 100% exclusive and he hasn't met someone else. I don't want to give the reasons why he doesn't want a relationship as that would be too outing for this post. Part of the reason he wants to stay friends is because we have to see each other at work 😅

i was dumped this week and i was massively tempted to say "don't slam the door on your way back in" but i didn't. i was dignified and serene and other words like that and i am smug a.f. about it.

self preservation is key.

Well, if you were both exclusive then it was a relationship! Even if he tried to tell you it wasn’t one. No wonder you’re upset, he sounds really manipulative and like someone who had no interest in treating you with respect. You are worth more than hanging around cutting off the chance to meet someone, for a man who won’t even acknowledge you as his girlfriend.

@MrsFass yes I'm starting to see the manipulation. He even said in voice note that he knew this was going to happen and he should have never done this in the first place.

He sounds like a manipulative prick

Don't block him, as it makes it look like you care.
Just never reply.

And yes, what he did was cowardly and awful. Hope you're ok.

I think focusing on how he did it is a coping strategy for how you feel about the ending of it.

You say you knew it was coming. So either you've already talked about it, in which case, why go over it again. Or, you've been sitting on issues, so also not speaking up face to face.

Not sure there's much point in trying to maintain a friendship between two people who aren't great at communicating with each other.