Dumped by a voice note after 12 months

[Fayruh]

Been in a situationship and he's ended it by voice note after 12 months. I knew it was coming and wanted to stay friends (he has requested this too), but don't think I can because he's not had the decency to say this face to face. AIBU? And how would you communicate this?

Don't respond and act like he never existed. Move on and "wash that guy right outa your hair"!

Just move on and look to to future, reply with a thumbs up (quite vague) and block. Not worth another thought.

Take the initiative and block him - why would you want to stay friends with someone who treats you that way? Thank goodness you know what he’s like now and not several years and children later.

Look, get real. You should be annoyed at yourself disrespecting your own boundaries. You do not want to be friends with this man you were hoping he would change his mind and commit to you. He's probably not going to do that now because you've proven you don't respect yourself and we're willing to let him walk all over you. Get real, tell the truth, look after yourself rather than expecting random men to give a shit. They won't until you do

My thought, exactly!

A ‘situationship’ isn’t the same thing as friends with benefits though. It falls right in the middle of that complicated space between casual sex between friends when both of you happen to be available and in the mood, and a full blown relationship.

I find that ‘situationships’ are relationships where one party is more into it than the other, while the other doesn’t want to actually commit, but quite likes the regular sex and emotional closeness that can be really comforting, until someone better comes along, when they can merrily skip off, safe in the knowledge that they can’t possibly have hurt anyone’s feelings because it wasn’t a proper relationship and they were technically single.

Friends? Sorry, you don't fuck your friends - he fucked you figuratively and literally. It is a slimeball way out - 'oooh, let us be friends'. Of course you can't stay friends with him! Why would you want to? He dumped you - he thinks he can do better - and you were even entertaining the idea of being friends? Have some self-respect. At least when Carrie in SATC was asking Big to be friends, she was angling for a multi-millionaire to subsidise her shallow life, but surely he is not a zillionaire?

I personally think it's ok to finish a casual relationship by voice note or with a message.
It was casual he owes you nothing. In a casual relationship you shouldn't get attached or care too much otherwise you will get hurt.
Also maybe don't have situationships with people you work with

When my ex of nearly 2 and a h years dumped me by fone I was heart broken. When he contacted me a few weeks later to ask.me to return his keys I did not reply. I remember thinking, silence is my weapon

There's no way you can know he's exclusive with you in a situationship, IMO. With the update that you work together: just leave on read and ignore him as much as possible in the future.

He’s not your boss is he OP?

A voice note? I have heard it all now. He didn't give you the opportunity for a conversation about it or a right of reply so PLEASE do not dignify this fuckwittery with a call/message/voicenote. Delete, block and move on with your life.

Oh gods, is this where we discover that 'situationship' means 'random shagging against the filing cabinets in the broom cupboard'?

@MrsFass not my boss!!

There are times to direct your energy onto having the scathing last word but this ain't one of them.

He treated you like shit during your "situationship" and yet you seem disappointed and surprised he's doing the same now he's ended it? He knows he's being a wanker but he doesn't actually care and he certainly doesn't want to be your friend.

I'd suggest don't reply, don't block and just keep a busines-like distance at work. Anything else is just a waste of you precious time and energy.

I’m in the ‘don’t reply, don’t block’ gang

Any reply or reaction of any kind (including blocking) will provide him with clues about your feelings. Best not to give him any clues, then he doesn’t know whether you are sad, angry, completely indifferent etc. It’s way more confusing that way 🤣

Regular shagging without needing to care, commit or be faithful.

Rather over dramatic.

Just block.

IME these situations never really turn into genuine friendships as there's always that underlying sex aspect running through the friendship, potential jealousy when one of you meet someone new etc (likely what has happened and why he's ended it) Best to have a clean slate and start afresh without him

Well I don’t know, lots of people on this thread describing it as being FWB and even the OP says it’s basically that. I hadn’t heard of it before.

They’re all wrong 😁

I know someone who was dumped by text. They’d been together 20 years, married, dc….

So it could be worse.

Did he know that you would have liked to be told face to face that he wanted the intimacy side of your friendship to end? I have seen other posts on here where people have said they prefer a message to avoid getting upset in front of their ex and to have time to process. That doesn’t exclude a conversation about it later. Perhaps he didn’t know what you wanted or maybe thought it didn’t matter as you were going to stay friends. If you stay friends then you can tell him when you next meet. Or does his definition of staying friends actually mean not seeing each other again but no hard feelings?

I’m beginning to think that situationships, FBs and FWB are more complicated or difficult to navigate than relationships.

Thank you all for your wonderful advice! I'm now healing from the whole situation but of course there's still the issue looming of whether to reply or not. For now I'm giving him the silent treatment. I'm nervous to see him at work, although we have a large workplace, but I know our paths are going to cross at some point. I guess if he comes up to talk to me about things at work i'll just have to tell him that he's a prick 🤣

Don't bring it into the workplace!

If you feel the need to do anything say it out on work and not on the premises.