Dumped by a voice note after 12 months

[Fayruh]

Been in a situationship and he's ended it by voice note after 12 months. I knew it was coming and wanted to stay friends (he has requested this too), but don't think I can because he's not had the decency to say this face to face. AIBU? And how would you communicate this?

He's a coward. Do you want that in your life?

It’s really difficult but the best thing all round is to never respond, ever.

Think about what will happen if you do. He will just upset you more and you might make yourself look foolish or like you care too much. Then you would regret giving him that. Keep a dignified silence. I know it’s difficult to do.

@cushionfiend Yes, maybe for that reason I should pull him up on this eventually.

This would be for me the best way forward.
Leader him to make what he will of the silence.

I personally would avoid that. Borne from experience, it often leads to tears, anger, bargaining (the stages of grief). Sometimes you cave back into a relationship just because saying no is too hard. I personally like the finality of an impersonal message.

Has anyone recommended the "dumped by text" threads?

Short version, she gets dumped by text after a two year relationship and he ends it with "no need to reply"

It was hard for her but she didn't, she got strong and he eventually sent more messages begging for another chance and she just kept her silence

Amazing, empowering story and I recommend you find it.

Just don't ever respond- delete his details from your phone and move on.

I have had this done to me OP.
The best thing to do is nothing just disappear like a human " Where's Wally" delete his number so hes not in your whatsapp and mute everything else if you have him on other SM and just leave it.
The guy that done it to me came back months later totally confused that i did just that which was nothing.
He wanted to stay friends but he was incapable of a friendship also , friends dont treat you like this and would you want to be friends with him ? Go with your intuition its your greatest faculty and always leads the way in my 46 years on earth its the only thing that never lets you down its actually a super power that most people ignore and makes life more complicated as they dont follow it.
Straighten your crown and remember who you are THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
💐 feet up tonight , wine , chocolate good film and have a moment of ahhhhhhhh

@ScaredOfDinosaurs thank you, I will check that out!

@Fuzzypeachdewberry wow, it blows me away that the guy came back confused!! Love that approach.

Why would you actually want to be friends with someone you used to be intimate with who then stopped fancying you?

Don’t bother responding or communicating anything, he doesn’t deserve your friendship….he’s probably waiting for some reaction / response from you so don’t give it to him

I'd send a very short message "voice note was a crap way to end it but ok" and then go silent on him after that, even if he replies I'd leave it at that. And focus on yourself x

Friends with benefits then ? In which case I doubt it would work just as friends in the future. And I agree with other posters - shitty way to end things and not a trait you look for in a friendship. Sorry this happened to you OP.

A passive aggressive thumbs up, then block.

My personal preference would be a non face to face option. I would want to have time to process my feelings before I needed to respond, not have to perform in some way straight away. I would be very grateful to be dumped in this way, if respectful, and not forced to do it face to face. It seems I am in a minority, but I wouldn't necessarily hold it against them- if I dumped someone in a message I would think I was doing them a kindness. Maybe they don't know what your preference would be- especially if it is different to theirs?

Given that it was a situationship and you'd expected this, I think there's an argument to be made that you could have dumped him before now and that therefore it's a bit dog-in-the-manger of you to start calling him a coward for actually doing it. It's makes you seem like a doormat.

You say you'd hoped to stay friends and he's offered that. So I'd leave him a voice note saying that he'd fallen a long way in my estimation — not because he'd ended things but for doing it via voice note. If I really wanted to stay friends I'd suggest a meet-up on a specific day at a specific time in a couple of weeks to have a drink and celebrate the start of friendship without benefits.

in my opinion the best thing you can hinesky do, is not reply at all. No matter how hard it is or how much you want to. I wouldn’t reply. Don’t even acknowledge it, it was disrespectful and you shouldn’t acknowledge disrespect by giving it your time. Don’t even bother explaining about why you don’t think it’s right to stay friends… he knows what he’s done is shit. You’d feel great in the long if you done this. Don’t block him, he’ll come back asking why you haven’t replied, just so oh sorry, I didn’t think I needed to. Fk him.

I'd just say that I would have liked us to stay friends too but if you didn't have enough respect for me to tell me this face to face then I don't see how we can.

Anything described as a 'situationship' is inevitably one-sided, and his action has proved that. You have 'a lot of love for him', but he doesn't have that for you - not even the care to end things decently.

Why stay friends with someone who doesn't care about you?

I would always block rather than just leave it open for him to contact me. In the olden days, if someone ended a relationship you wouldn't be permanently available for them to contact, so blocking is a reproduction of that. It's more healthy, and it's a policy, not a knee-jerk.

I don't understand why people want to leave themselves available for someone they no longer want in their life? He really doesn't need any response, and it's not anyone else's job to teach him how to be a decent adult.

100% agree with this. Good advice.

I would give it a week or so to respond to gather your thoughts.

I would focus less on your reaction and where to place him & redirect that energy into yourself.

I think you need to explore why you were in a situationship for 12 months and why you didn’t think you were worthy of more. I’m assuming you wanted more.

The voice note isn’t disrespectful but so is expecting intimacy with a woman without exclusivity and all the things you deserve.

I think you should focus less on the reaction because it changes nothing & really makes no difference. I’d be angry too but I think he was disrespecting you long before the voice note.

I really hope you’re okay and realise that people disrespect you because people are disrespectful, not because you’re not worth more.

I’d be focusing on myself, buying books on attachment, relationships, therapy, exercise, facials, hair, and planning your launch into the world of men who will love and cherish you xoxoxooxo

I guess For what it’s worth don’t block or emoji.

“I’m surprised that you would end things with a voice mail and find it disrespectful and not very brave. I did wish to remain friends but my feelings of your character and my trust is now in question. I’m going to take some time to focus on myself and I’ll let you know about the friendship offer, for now I’d like some space.”

Totally agree with this advice. Just don't reply. Vanish from his life by filling your own life with more fun stuff to do and better people to hang out with. When someone dumps you, raise your bar. It always works.

I’d reply like this ‘Thanks for the voice note break up message - arsehole.’ I wouldn’t block him, it will be satisfying to say ‘no thank you (arsehole) when he comes crawling back. If he texts back an immediate response to your message just send a thumbs up to whatever he replies with.

You don't need friends this bad.