She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

[Dannnyy]

My brother recently got engaged, he and his fiancée are coming to visit next week, we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
My parents really want us all to go out for a meal, however she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language. However I think it would be extremely awkward, and just not very fun. Apparently she is learning English but my brother says she's not in any hurry to get "good" at it.

AIBU to think it's pointless meeting for a meal in these circumstances?

Why don't you stop assuming things and taking second hand information from your parents and meet this woman with an open mind? It will be good for you to broaden your horizons.

Surely it's a good opportunity to practice the language that you know from school with her? You could also try some English if she wants to practice.

I see family who don't speak English. I learnt their language as an adult. It's doable for both of you to make an effort.

And this attitude is why other cultures think English people are arrogant. I sometimes feel embarrassed to be English!

Lol. The world does not revolve around English speakers. And it's actually reasonably common in some European countries to speak a couple of languages well. My partner is German, but grew up bilingual with Finnish. She speaks English to the standard of a native speaker (most don't know she's German) and studied her PhD in English. She grew up on the French Swiss border, so learned French from a young age, and was able to read French texts for her PhD. She knows enough Italian to get about, and Japanese as she lived there for a few months and was into Japanese music for years so made an effort. Most of her school friends spoke French well. Also you are thinking of Europe. It's not commonplace in a lot of Asian countries to learn English.

It is not OP's place yo be questioning someone else's language ability. Even if this lady doesn't want to learn English, so what? She doesn't have to. Brits are awful at making an effort with languages and the majority can only speak English because we just think everyone should learn our tongue.

Also, it's nothing to do with believing her about speaking three languages. Even if she only knew one, this would be very rude. People moan about others moving here and not learning the language, but people here make 0 effort to learn languages at all, so I think it's very rich when coming from your average Brit.

Sounds like she'll dodge a bullet if you don't.

She speaks three languages, she loves your brother. Learn a few welcoming phrases in one of them and practice using Google translate.

Translator app on your phone? There are some that even translate and change language as you speak.

@User757373 English is always the second language taught in schools across Europe so something in her story doesn't add up.

This is total BS, where I live in Germany, French is the second language. English isn’t taught until later in secondary school. I have plenty of friends that speak no English because they did apprenticeships at 14 and did not continue with academic education. So I’ve learnt German.

My parents don’t speak German, some of my other friends don’t speak German so I have to translate for my DP as he doesn’t speak English. We all manage and it can be fun. OP is YABU.

My own DD speaks and writes 4 languages fluently with C2 in three of them and C1 in the other.

Of course you go and make an effort! My SIL is from South America, it was chicken and duck when we first met but all in good fun!

İf you've never left the UK then you won't realise that many people in France don't know more than a word or two of English. Just because it's taught in schools doesn't mean people can speak it. İt's kinda ironic that you're saying you're 'surprised' she doesn't know English, when you've already said communication isn't a possibility, despite you having learned French at school.

By the way language is only 7 percent of communication. I had a Ukrainian live with me for a few months and we had one of the strongest forms of communication I've experienced, despite only being able to use a couple of words together- we never stopped laughing after a couple of months.

Im going to guess you think you are going to feel uncomfortable because they are living a very different life to you and (maybe) you feel a little provincial by comparison?

I actually messaged my brother just to clarify which language it would be best for me to pick up a few phrases in before meeting, this was his reply.

French or Italian probs if you want to make the effort but don’t stress her English is fine for light conversation. She’s shy tho so might prefer me to translate, don’t take it personally tho as she’s just nervous that her English sucks and that she won’t understand mam and dads heavy accents. But yeah a little French or Italian would be nice (my Italian is crap tho so don’t expect me to help if you take that route).

It will probably be less awkward than you think op. I assume the rest of your family (apart from your brother) don't speak any of these languages either so you can all have fun trying to make conversation. Try to ask her questions directly with your brother translating rather than just talking to him. Maybe bring a gift like some flowers to welcome her.

French, German and Italian are all widely taught in the UK. It's likely that you would have studied one of the first two at school.

So why not brush up (or learn) a second language yourself, rather than expecting her to learn a fourth language? Wouldn't it be lovely and welcoming to speak to her in French, say, and join in conversations with her and your brother?

You come across as very xenophobic, thinking the onus is on the "foreigner" to learn English. Why should she? She is already fluent in 3 languages. If you only have one language, surely it's far better that you learn another one than that she does!

It is actually sad to read this.

I have done a lot of backpacking trips in my life for long periods of time. My wanderings took me to some very remote places where english wasn't spoken, even by bus drivers or shopkeepers.
And you know what- it was fun. Building bridges with other people stretches our creativity, we find other ways to bond, and realise as humans we have far more in common than differences.
Our clumsy attempts to communicate were met with openess and hilarity. Locals thought our mimes of a bus, mosquito coil or chicken were highly amusing, but we managed to build bonds and I hope good feeling.

OP this is an opportunity to expand your world views, build bonds and bridges in ways you had not previously imagined.

if she’s a linguist, her idea of “speaking” English may well be different from yours - as you say, she may well have schoolgirl level skills, but doesn’t regard it as worth much. I would say that I don’t speak French if asked, for example, although I have a GCSE from many years ago and can get by in a restaurant perfectly adequately.

How many European languages do you speak?

Apparently Slavic (East Slavic: Includes Russian, Ukrainian, and Belarusian
West Slavic: Includes Polish, Czech, and Slovak, South Slavic: Includes Bulgarian, Macedonian, Slovenian, Bosnian, Croatian, and Serbian) and Scandinavian languages (Danish, Norwegian and Swedish) are so similar that speakers of one language can understand and speak the others.
So she may well be fluent in three languages but not English.

@Dannnyy Glad you've taken onboard the feedback and that you'll go and speak a bit of French to her.

It's important you go to show you welcome her into the family and support your brother.

Agree with @RedToothBrush . Communication isn't just words. It's non-verbal communication too. Most European countries have common non-verbal gestures and face expressions as British people. I have helped people whilst at work with not one drop of the English language (and why should we expect them to know English anyway?) and with a lot of sign language, gestures, pointing, and a well known translator on my phone we get our points across.

Probably one of those things you need to attend if just to please your mother but it sounds like hard work. Maybe just smile and keep it simple, and charge the Prosecco to your brother.

Awww your brother sounds lovely and thoughtful.

Duolingo is great for learning basic conversation skills in a short time.

You sound charming!
Of course there's every point. She's your sister in law!
Jesus.

Ah I think this explains a lot.

Don't worry OP and go into it with an attitude of making do and having fun. You have your DB, Google translate (which is honestly excellent and will translate voice to text in close to real time) and a smattering of each other's languages.

Put some old photos and videos of your brother as a child in your phone and whip that out and share those with her if conversation does get awkward!

Have you never been to another country op?

Or are you just taking the piss?

🤔

Oh for goodness sake. It's not hard work.