She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

[Dannnyy]

My brother recently got engaged, he and his fiancée are coming to visit next week, we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
My parents really want us all to go out for a meal, however she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language. However I think it would be extremely awkward, and just not very fun. Apparently she is learning English but my brother says she's not in any hurry to get "good" at it.

AIBU to think it's pointless meeting for a meal in these circumstances?

Leaving aside many other really unsettling comments here

1. I know many people who speak 3 languages well enough to watch TV and talk to people in that language. I don't know if it's like 'academic paper writing' level but not a lot of people can do that in any language.
2. I took French at school but if I went to a French speaking home, that really wouldn't mean much. So even if she did have English at school there's no judgement from me if it didn't stick. You need to speak a language regularly to actually feel comfortable in it. If they're moving to the UK, I'm guessing she'll be fine in less time than you think. Immersion is the easiest way.

please try to see this as an opportunity! If you become friends, maybe you can go with her to see her family some time and experience travelling and being surrounded by people speaking another language. No judgement from me that you haven't yet - I grew up in the states and more people than you'd think never leave that country. But it was amazing when I started seeing other places and it really does help you see just how big and interesting the world is. I really encourage you to take this as the first step in experiencing some new things - you might really like it.

She grew up between Italy and Switzerland and yes, with all your knowledge of languages there's a pocket of the world that's actually fluent in Italian, German, and French all at the same time. Shock

How good is your Italian ?.

Aw she sounds sweet and just as nervous as you are. It's not a modern languages exam! I think you're worrying unnecessarily, it will be fine.

Actually, yes. Stay away from her OP. Don't bother yourself.

Glad you've come round to it OP. I think you're going to get on fine!

@User757373: "True trilingualism in the sense of being able to fluently speak, understand read, write and think in three languages is vanishingly rare."

I can think of several regions in Europe where it's quite commonplace. Northern Italy and Switzerland are perhaps the best known of these. True bilingualism (plus functional fluency in another language or more) is even more common.

As others say she’ll probably learn English soon enough.

English is always the second language taught in schools across Europe so something in her story doesn't add up.

This is far from true. We are south of Germany and French is the second language taught in schools. I would imagine it depends entirely where you are and which country borders where you live. In some French schools, German is the second language and in some Spanish speaking schools it's German too.

Despite popular British belief, English is not the be-all and end-all.

Fair play to you for accepting that YABVVVVU.

Based on my own knowledge of that region I think you will be pleasantly surprised by the standard of her conversational English. She will be pretty much C1 or C2 in her three primary languages and probably wants to manage your expectations a bit if her English isn't quite as proficient. She will likely be a comfortable B1 speaker at minimum but will be conscious that her English is not as fluent as her other three (!) languages.

I hope that the experience of meeting her opens up your world a bit.

I’ve lived in Italy and loads of people can’t speak enough English to hold a conversation - definitely not just older generations but people my age (20s at the time). Just sayin. However, I agree that people who already speak 3 languages fluently can generally quite easily pick up a 4th - and are less likely to be self conscious about speaking it.

Your brother is 17 years younger than you, and has a girlfriend, so you must be in your thirties and you've never been abroad. There's a whole wonderful world out there OP, please go and explore it.

I wonder if OP’s brother is winding them all up saying she doesn’t speak English If she speaks French, Italian and Swiss German it’s highly unlikely she doesn’t have at least a smattering of English.

Brits and especially English can be so sniffy about people who don’t speak English, when more often than not they themselves only speak English.

I'm horribly monolingual, apart from a bit of French.

But I travel widely as a solo backpacker and am constantly in situations where I don't speak the language and the locals don't speak mine. I regularly stay in homestays with local families that I don't share a single word with. Do we communicate facts or questions efficiently? Not exactly. But personal connection, facial expression, body language, sign language and a ton of of smiles makes for a lot of fun and warmth. So it's not 'difficult'. And OP has a brother to translate when needed, and three other English speakers to talk to over that meal.

Exactly this ! If you grow up in a rural family in this area you would definitely speak all these languages but may have had little occasion to speak or learn English.
Fwiw I would also assume she's trilingual actually! Growing up abroad I knew quite a few people who were bilingual European who did not speak English. These days I agree less common but certainly exists

I went to a grammar school in the Netherlands, I had several classmates that were unwilling to speak any English because they were so embarrassed by their (lack of) English skills. In theory they should have been around a B1 level after six years of English education, in practice they could barely say hello and goodbye.

People can also be horrible. My husband doesn't like speaking Dutch in front of my siblings because they've been mean about it to him before! It only takes one experience like that to turn someone off a language.

Use Google translate

So? "Stunted" conversation is better than no conversation. Your parents are trying to welcome your brother's fiancée into the family and you are raising objections because you won’t be able to have sparkling conversation with her. Is there another reason you are resisting? Because the one you’ve given certainly isn’t reasonable.

I am glad you are going to try OP. I have found the Duolingo app to be a fun way to pick up French again.

I learned French at school and was horrible at it. As a Quality Manager I had to manage a quality audit by our customer, Aerospatiale so I read their quality system document and used a French/English dictionary to work out the technical terms. This was before Duolingo and I was so focussed on the technical terms I overlooked some of the basic vocabulary. I managed the safety briefing but as we were leaving the conference room for the factory I had this exchange with their senior person
Him: Where did you learn French?
Me; At school
Him: Because you told us to wear traffic lights on our heads at all times.
Me: Oh dear.

They did appreciate that I made the effort though and I'm sure your future SIL will appreciate it too.

Wow, what a lovely supportive sister you are.

If she speaks French, German and Italian, surely you must speak at least one of these,as you're being quite dismissive of her English learning?

Glad you've taken on the feedback here OP, and I'm sure her English will be better than your parents made it out to be. Don't worry too much, people all over the world manage to communicate without shared languages. My Scottish dad married my Finnish mum, he's never been able to learn Finnish beyond a handful of mispronounced words and my mum's parents didn't speak English beyond odd words and phrases but he managed just fine with them, even stayed in Finland by himself when he did his sabbatical over there and mum was back in the UK so me and my brothers could go to school. I didn't really speak Finnish as a child but managed with my grandparents too. Communication is so much more than just the words we say, and nowadays its even easier with translation apps.

I've been in your SILs shoes often - quite a lot of DH's family speak a little or no English. Some of them have no common language really with DH, like a couple of his great aunts. DH is bilingual and also speaks good French, his great aunts speak 3 or 4 languages, but none the same.

If you are all willing to be friendly and reasonable, it'll be absolutely fine.

Not everyone is good at languages. When I was at school French was compulsory and if you were in the top set you took German as well, there certainly wasn't an option for Italian. I was middle set and to be honest should have been in the bottom as I was rubbish at French.