She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

[Dannnyy]

My brother recently got engaged, he and his fiancée are coming to visit next week, we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
My parents really want us all to go out for a meal, however she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language. However I think it would be extremely awkward, and just not very fun. Apparently she is learning English but my brother says she's not in any hurry to get "good" at it.

AIBU to think it's pointless meeting for a meal in these circumstances?

OP - now you want to start off with a good will attitude. Anyway it may be a blessing she doesn't speak English. You need to go with the flow on this and be your charming self.

And don't forget to gesticulate wildly.

Anyway, she might be nice and you might find you connect with her. If not, then at least you've made her feel welcome in the family if you make an effort to engage with her which hopefully she'll appreciate.

This is great then, you can embrace this as a new opportunity. Show her love. You’ll feel good inside and it’ll make your brother proud to show you off! Take a small gift.

‘peace starts with a smile’

YABVU OP. Please make the effort, she will be your SIL soon and her opinion of you will be far better if you try rather than not bother going. Extend the hand of welcome, you don't need to speak the same language to show her friendliness!

In the past I travelled with my then-husband to a country where I didn't speak the language to meet his family, but it was good (if quite tiring at times) and there was no lack of warmth or welcome, I was sad to say goodbye!

I understand the sentiment but English is in a category of its own as the global lingua franca. Especially in Europe, I think it's reasonable to select English as the most likely shared language to hold a conversation in, so comparing her not knowing English to him not knowing Fr/De/It isn't a fair comparison, in my opinion.

Probably one of the most British posts I have ever read!

OP what a pile on. Sounds to me like your issue could be with being asked to care about a brother you were never close to.

And if he was the little prince and your mother seems overinvested in his happiness, I understand. (Speculating I know.) But perhaps it's a chance to meet as grownups, on a different level?

Have deepl translation open on your phone. I'd want to ask her about food, they must have interesting dishes in that border region.

This is the perfect opportunity for you to broaden your horizons. Don't rely on your brother to translate - use body language, pictures and photos on your phone, etc to communicate. Much more fun and open.

I've had conversations with people when we don't speak the same language. Go for the meal, just smile and be nice.

And here I thought blatantly colonial 'better than thou' attitudes had gone out of fashion some time ago. OP, what you're suggesting is disrespectful to the extreme.

As for the astonishment that someone from a Western European country does not speak English: Germany, France and Italy all have population sizes similar to or greater than that of the UK. (And their own colonial pasts and xenophobic attitudes, but let's not get into that right now.) Most people there can go through their entire lives just fine without speaking anything but their native language, if you can imagine it. And they certainly do not see speaking English as anything to aspire to.

Have you ever tried to order a coffee in English in Paris without at least making the effort of starting with 'Bonjour'? I can only recommend you try it, and see how it feels to be on the receiving end of your own attitudes.

A lot more talking required though!

YABU - unless you don’t have any sort of relationship with your brother? She will be your SIL. Are you going to avoid her forever because ‘it’s not worth it’ as you don’t speak the same language???

What do you mean by ‘worth it’ though? Makes it sound like you think this SIL is provided for your own entertainment.

You sound incredibly ignorant.

I didn’t say anything about the OP not knowing Fr/De/It, just commenting that she hasn’t bothered to learn a single other language (whatever that may be) but seems disgruntled that her brother’s partner hasn’t learned English on top of the 3 languages she already speaks.
As I said, my (European) BIL doesn’t speak any English. I don’t speak any of his language. However I speak a decent amount of French, as does he, so we get by.
So many English people don’t bother learning any other languages because they just assume everyone else will speak theirs. Well the OP has now realised that’s not the case.

Royston Vasey? 😁

I live in a small northern village, but the local inhabitants aren't as inward looking and xenophobic as you are.

Have you never wanted to expand your horizons?

Op come on. It’s 2025. Use your phone. You can talk at it and it’ll speak to her in any language you want.

Perhaps my parents are exaggerating how little English she speaks, my mum made it out like she knows little past hi/bye.

I've "met" her before, but it was at a wedding and we didn't say much past hi or bye.

Others have agreed that it would be odd for someone who is from her region wouldn't know any English at all.

Totally unreasonable. Friends and family are the main reasons people become proficient in other languages. And communication comes in many ways.

Yeah why bother with someone who doesn’t speak English OP. Bloody hell. I imagine she’s not in a hurry to meet up with you either if this is any indication of your general attitude (undoubtedly your brother has already warned her). Would you have anything in common with a tri-linguist anyway? She sounds very accomplished.

This can't be serious...

I’m surprised he even wants you to meet her given how awful you sound.

I had this situation. I went a long, tried to include her as much as possible but naturally spoke to my family member too. The woman then went absolutely crazy and stormed out because we had spoken in English a few times. It was horribly tense and the relationship was never repaired.

Reads a bit like a reverse