Cheeky fucker houseguest

[TheLargestToblerone]

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable overall, but I’m not sure if I’m overreacting because I’m pissed off.

DP has a friend who has been more or less homeless for nearly a year. The reason he was made homeless was not his fault, so I do have a lot of sympathy for him. He’s been sofa surfing or living in his car most of the time. But one option fell through and winter in his car is awful, so in October he asked to stay with us for a couple of days. And the next week a couple more days. And on. He’s moved a bed into our spare room. He asked about it, and I agreed, because otherwise he was on the sofa in the sitting room and it was a total PITA. But that was a mistake as now he seems to think it’s more permanent. He stayed four days last week. He asked to stay every day this week, but we said no. His work is sporadic and he doesn’t earn much, so we have never asked for money.

We feed him dinner, he showers here, he washes his clothes here and he’s never offered to contribute to anything. He brings wine for himself and offers none of it, and drinks ours when he doesn’t bring his own. He sits here eating tubs of chocolates and tubes of crisps and doesn’t offer any. He sits watching YT videos without headphones. He breathes though his mouth and sniffles endlessly without blowing his fucking nose. He washes up his own coffee cup each morning and leaves everything else. He doesn’t offer to help with anything, not cooking, not clearing away, not washing up.

I’m going to tell him to fuck off tomorrow a day early, but I don’t understand why people are like this? I would never stay at someone’s house and not even bother to walk my plate to the kitchen after I’ve been cooked dinner. He genuinely has nowhere else to go, so why would he not make sure he doesn’t lose that?

I am getting DP to tell him to take his bed with him tomorrow morning and that the maximum he will stay here in future is 1 night, and not every week. DP thinks that’s too harsh, and it is short notice for him to take the bed (which smells) with him. But I am fed up and want him and his stuff gone.

Sounds like possible weed growing? ( At a guess)
Can one lose a council place for that?!

That doesn't sound like no fault of his own. What's gone on

Selling or producing drugs then

He can tell council he's sofa surfing and they can normally help get him in a HMO thats run by council, at least he'd have a room and bed.

Sounds like an older version of the leech I recently kicked out of my home. People like that will take and take unfortunately. Tell him he needs to get his backside to the council and present as homeless. They'll find him a hmo via a private landlord as a last resort

OP, kindly meant, he is a completely grifter and ye are his soft mark.

Stop engaging.
Get him and his shit out the door and lock it.

With his type it doesn't make any difference how much you give.

He is a grifter. They only take.

I had a similar type sofa surfing at mine. He barely washed without much prompting either( we literally had to loudly complain about him stinking up the living room before he would eventually hop in the bath days or weeks later)this lad literally met up with someone on a dating site for sex and came back to mine and didn't wash for almost a week he honestly stank awful. He complained if he thought others were smelly and we told him straight to get in the bath as he'd had sex almost a week before and hadn't washed himself or changed his clothes since 🤮.

The sooner the smelly bed is out of there, the better. You have been very kind and patient, and your husband has been a good friend. But enough is enough.

Wasn’t this an episode of ‘Inside No.9’?

No because I am definitely alive and we don't have a bath for anyone to end up dead in.

I agree that it’s not just having him in the house but any house guest this long would drive you crackers.

But, last night after all the above conversations and after he’s been gone for only a few days, he messaged DP to ask if he can stay here every remaining day this week and all of next, with the exception of next Wednesday. We’ve said no

@OP bloody hell he has done nerve! Am glad you said no

Keep those boundaries and let’s hope he’s learned from dh’s advice.

This reminds me of the Simpsons with Ol’ Gil

Wonder if it was the same house guest? 🤣 sounds very similar!

Well. Sounds like it’s unlikely he’s homeless through no fault of his own then…

I had an aquaintancr like this, I'm afraid I was tricked into giving him free board for three months ( long story ); So I've decided : any loafers who need accommodation have to PAY in advance.
No personal belongings allowed or furniture.
And NO Accomodation at WEEKENDS.
And they stay in own room.
These are good rules I think.
I've had too many STAY then give excuses
Keep it business like . Helping out friends and giving free accommodation never ends well because they just take the p|§§

I think "he's not been made homeless by any fault of his own" is a bit of an exaggeration, he clearly doesn't have a proper ft job, he has debt, not gone to the council or CAB to ask for help and is happier sponging/is an awful housemate. Unfortunately he needs to put some big boy pants on and take some steps to sort this out.
Rather than just chucking him out, I'd get some advice from citizens advice, get your hubbies to sit him down and talk through the steps he needs to take. Then you're not throwing him out, you're making him take accountability, which is actually kinder than letting him live this weird existence which never gets him any further forward and annoys some of the only friends he has.

Strange how his ego/pride isn’t stopping him from sponging off his friends, and even his son’s in-laws!

Any update OP?

He and his bed are gone. I believe he is now staying with another friend, who DP doesn’t know. His base (where his son and business are) and his current landing spot are a couple of hours from where we live, so we haven’t seen him. DP is in regular contact with him though. He remains unmotivated to get a job or sort housing out, but he does have somewhere to stay and this time it is with a single guy who has a spare room, so hopefully with somewhere a bit more stable he can sort himself out. Thank you for checking in. It’s been a big weight lifted not having him here.

Brilliant update OP
I'm sure you're relieved to have your space back.

Glad you got rid of him OP also glad he’s got a room with another friend. Hopefully that works out.

I don't know what he's told you but it's very likely it was actually his fault he became homeless

See upthread. His wife committed a crime and got them evicted. No doubt she committed the crime, and no doubt it was eviction worthy.