Cheeky fucker houseguest

[TheLargestToblerone]

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable overall, but I’m not sure if I’m overreacting because I’m pissed off.

DP has a friend who has been more or less homeless for nearly a year. The reason he was made homeless was not his fault, so I do have a lot of sympathy for him. He’s been sofa surfing or living in his car most of the time. But one option fell through and winter in his car is awful, so in October he asked to stay with us for a couple of days. And the next week a couple more days. And on. He’s moved a bed into our spare room. He asked about it, and I agreed, because otherwise he was on the sofa in the sitting room and it was a total PITA. But that was a mistake as now he seems to think it’s more permanent. He stayed four days last week. He asked to stay every day this week, but we said no. His work is sporadic and he doesn’t earn much, so we have never asked for money.

We feed him dinner, he showers here, he washes his clothes here and he’s never offered to contribute to anything. He brings wine for himself and offers none of it, and drinks ours when he doesn’t bring his own. He sits here eating tubs of chocolates and tubes of crisps and doesn’t offer any. He sits watching YT videos without headphones. He breathes though his mouth and sniffles endlessly without blowing his fucking nose. He washes up his own coffee cup each morning and leaves everything else. He doesn’t offer to help with anything, not cooking, not clearing away, not washing up.

I’m going to tell him to fuck off tomorrow a day early, but I don’t understand why people are like this? I would never stay at someone’s house and not even bother to walk my plate to the kitchen after I’ve been cooked dinner. He genuinely has nowhere else to go, so why would he not make sure he doesn’t lose that?

I am getting DP to tell him to take his bed with him tomorrow morning and that the maximum he will stay here in future is 1 night, and not every week. DP thinks that’s too harsh, and it is short notice for him to take the bed (which smells) with him. But I am fed up and want him and his stuff gone.

Absolutely it's likely.

Why not reread what I said? I am self-employed! Why on earth you would upset your hard-working husband with my comment about a lazy man, I have no idea.

Some people use their trauma and stories of victimhood to control the narrative and manipulate people. He behaves in a very entitled manner and one of the things he feels entitled to is everyone else “looking after him”. I suspect he would benefit greatly from a reality check - that this shit doesn’t fly and using people up pushes them away and out of your life entirely. It has a use-by date and he has gone waaaaaaay past it.

No, it wouldn't.

I think you need to tell him why you are asking him to leave and then offer him one night a week. Otherwise it will begin all over again.

But why even offer one night a week? He has abused their hospitality horribly for nearly a year, and seems to have made no effort to improve his own situation in that time. If I were the DP, the friendship would be seriously compromised on that basis anyway. Just tell him you’ve done your bit and it’s at an end, and to take his smelly bed with him.

So if, for example, a man were convicted of … let’s go murder, as the most heinous crime … his joint council tenant wife would be evicted? Sorry, I just don’t buy that.

Yes, it's a breach of tenancy. Although would depend on the offence. Drug offences absolutely, and schedule 2 offence, definitely (as detailed in the housing act), violent crimes, most definitely. Fraud, yup!

So without knowing her crime, I would say she did something bad enough to lose her tenancy and therefore the family home. Joint tenants are jointly and severally liable for abiding by the tenancy agreement.

Potentially, yes. Please refer to the schedule 2 offences in the housing act.

You're wrong I'm afraid.

What a freeloader, i was drawn in by the hard luck story but lost the plot when he showed as a lazy arse unwilling to improve matters - yet he's indulging in "luxuries" !

I lived in social housing for a while for disabled people but sadly at some point it also got overrun by low level drug dealers.
One was in and out prison like a revolving door and nothing happened to his wife.

Just sit and whinge at him about every little imaginary problem in your life you can dream up. Tell him he’s your new best friend and go to town on giving him an endless assault of irrationally emotional, completely intolerable moaning and complaining. Most mens idea of hell on earth. He’ll leave before long and won’t try to come back again. Also rather fun for you. Win win!

He needs an appointment with a housing advisor at the nearest homeless charity that offers a resettlement service. It's not hard to get an appointment, do some googling and maybe go with him so he can't spin it to you that they "refused" to help. I work for a homeless charity, we have our housing advice office on site, people come in for a meal and clothes etc the see the resettlement workers. These are often street homeless people who have a lot more issues than this guy so sometimes they refuse accommodation and we know that's likely to happen, just offering a place to sleep isn't a fix for everything. Your friend could be offered hostel accommodation and get registered with the resettlement team too so worth going.

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel is right so stop derailing its entirely possible.

As an experienced ASB officer, I would guess he wasn't on the tenancy agreement and therefore the social landlord was unable to take action on the tenancy of the wife.

His behaviour is appalling. I sympathise with his situation because I’ve been there, however when a friend offered me their sofa and I ended up staying for a year, I cleaned and tidied the flat every day, paid the gas and electric, bought food and did a lot of babysitting. This was all whilst dealing some severe mental health issues but I couldn’t have lived with myself if I hadn’t done my best to contribut and not be a burden.

The landlord could have converted the tenancy to a straightforward single person tenancy (happens with domestic abuse situations). They are less likely to do this if there are arrears on the account.

Bet that means he didn't pay his rent, either.

This isn't correct. A landlord can't just convert a joint tenancy to a sole one. In domestic abuse cases victims need to go to court to obtain occupation orders/to have the joint tenant removed from the tenancy. Can you imagine how rife for abuse the system would be if landlords could just bump people off their tenancy agreements?

Obviously you are entitled to an opinion but I have done so it can be done.

Only if both tenants agree. But in the case of the OP's friend the tenancy was breached and terminated. Both tenants are considered responsible for a breach so that's that.

OP, I wouldn’t offer him one night per week, unless thats what you really want?

Ok.. 🙄 I said, and stand by, that it’s possible in certain circs to convert the tenancy. Not necessarily these circumstances. I hope you feel heard. 😊

Yanbu at all, but find your voice. Stop letting this moocher take advantage of you both.