Cheeky fucker houseguest

[TheLargestToblerone]

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable overall, but I’m not sure if I’m overreacting because I’m pissed off.

DP has a friend who has been more or less homeless for nearly a year. The reason he was made homeless was not his fault, so I do have a lot of sympathy for him. He’s been sofa surfing or living in his car most of the time. But one option fell through and winter in his car is awful, so in October he asked to stay with us for a couple of days. And the next week a couple more days. And on. He’s moved a bed into our spare room. He asked about it, and I agreed, because otherwise he was on the sofa in the sitting room and it was a total PITA. But that was a mistake as now he seems to think it’s more permanent. He stayed four days last week. He asked to stay every day this week, but we said no. His work is sporadic and he doesn’t earn much, so we have never asked for money.

We feed him dinner, he showers here, he washes his clothes here and he’s never offered to contribute to anything. He brings wine for himself and offers none of it, and drinks ours when he doesn’t bring his own. He sits here eating tubs of chocolates and tubes of crisps and doesn’t offer any. He sits watching YT videos without headphones. He breathes though his mouth and sniffles endlessly without blowing his fucking nose. He washes up his own coffee cup each morning and leaves everything else. He doesn’t offer to help with anything, not cooking, not clearing away, not washing up.

I’m going to tell him to fuck off tomorrow a day early, but I don’t understand why people are like this? I would never stay at someone’s house and not even bother to walk my plate to the kitchen after I’ve been cooked dinner. He genuinely has nowhere else to go, so why would he not make sure he doesn’t lose that?

I am getting DP to tell him to take his bed with him tomorrow morning and that the maximum he will stay here in future is 1 night, and not every week. DP thinks that’s too harsh, and it is short notice for him to take the bed (which smells) with him. But I am fed up and want him and his stuff gone.

He needs to present himself to your local council as homeless, or search out his local homeless team or charity that may help him

I don't think you're unreasonable at all.

He sounds like a selfish, slobbish nightmare. If he can't contribute financially, then the least he can do is clean up after himself, offer to cook, wash up when you cook for him, run the hoover round and share his snacks and wine. FGS, bills and food aren't cheap and you're generously housing and feeding his man for free! You've found yourselves with a leech infestation.

Tell him to leave, and if DP thinks it's unreasonable, he can go live with his mate in the car. This has gone on long enough. What's unreasonable, imo, is DP putting his friend before his GF in her own home.

Have you spoken to DP about asking his mate to help out around the house and it's been ignored? Does he know how fed up you are?

Yes , letting him put a bed in the spare room was a mistake Op, but not setting some boundaries early on was a bigger one. You and your DP should have set down some ground rules like no more than 2 nights a week, he doesn't have to pay but he has to help out and not help himself to your stuff, he's annoying the hell out of you but he probably doesn't know that, or why.

He needs to go to the council as homeless, he is genuinely homeless so they should hopefully offer him a bed and breakfast place at least. He has a job so that will go in his favour as he will be able to afford some cheaper council type rent.

Total cheeky fuck pisstaker though. I can't imagine sitting in someone's house scoffing chocolate and not offering them any! You would think he'd be doing little chores here and there to say thank you too! He's living like a teenager and you're his mum

tell him( sorry you are homeless , that’s a tough situation but I’m not in a position to offer you long term housing. I’ve noticed that you’ve not been cleaning up afyer yourself or behaving considerably which makes it difficult for me to continue supporting you. You need to declare yourself homeless to the council as they can better assist you with hostels and support services. Best of luck

Some people are just completely clueless.

They don't realise when they are on to a good thing. Probably because they have had a priviliged upbringing where someone has waited on them hand and foot.

I would get DP to improve the quality of their friends.

Get rid of him permanently now. He's not getting himself sorted because he has no reason to. Tell him the arrangement is no longer working and he needs to go. If your DP thinks thats harsh he can join him for a bit

Never a good deed goes unpunished...

No you aren't unreasonable and I'm similarly baffled and affronted by people who behave so thoughtlessly and selfishly when being done a huge favour! There are plenty of them about sadly - the "takers".

Get him gone and the smelly bed, yuck. He's had long enough to sort something out and now he's just taking the piss. Brace yourself for the refrains of "it's not fair" and "you're so horrible" whilst completely ignoring the enormous kindness shown to him since October.

I don't understand it either. Even in my own home I try to not make an impact. Whenever I've stayed at someone else's home I always clean up, and contribute. It's just good manners.

You need to be tough or he will never sort himself out. Tell him you’re sorry but he can no longer stay.

You’ve been more than reasonable and he’s had almost a year to earn as much as he can to help him find a home. Sporadic working doesn’t look like he’s got many plans to find somewhere to live.

Well he’s not actually doing anything to improve or change his life because he’s quite happy living in your spare room and sponging off of you.

Get your DH to tell him that it’s time for him to go and move on else where. It’s not fair on your family to have him imposing like this.

If he really was desperate to change his life he would have found a full time job and got himself sorted.

I’m going to tell him to fuck off tomorrow a day early, but I don’t understand why people are like this?

They are like this because nice people (like you!) let them get away with it. Your mistake was in agreeing to an extra week, then more nights, then moving a bed in, not asking for any contribution to meals and utilities etc.

Agreed with PP. You gave him sufficient leeway to get back on his feet. If he hasn't done it that is not your problem

I got to buys wine and doesn't share it. Wouldn't put up with any of it for a minute, time to lay down the boundaries and tell him to sort himself out

YANBU to want him gone, but it is a bit mean to ask him to take a bed tomorrow with no notice. Can you not offer him a weeks notice so he can sort out where it’s going, or would it fit in his car?

Are you quite sure he was made homeless through no fault of his own? Not many people would put up with him as a housemate/ tenant or guest.

Just get rid and preferably change the locks.

You’ve been a saint. I wouldn’t be letting him stay AT ALL.

I also don’t understand why somebody would behave like this, OP. It’s almost like, I’ve got what I wanted, so now I can stop pretending to be grateful and revert back to only caring about myself.

some people have zero awareness. or manners or decency, just a massive sense of entitlement. he obviously thinks he's your guest and should be pampered. definitely get rid.

I know I/we have been soft on him. I suppose I never thought of basic ground rules because I didn’t think it would become a regular thing and I never imagined it wouldn’t occur to someone not to offer to help, however naive that is. Plus he has been through a lot so I’ve given him more leeway than I might otherwise. It was driving me mad to have him in the sitting room all the time, so I thought the bed was a good thing. Oh well, live and learn.

Good for you for being such a kind hearted person and I’m sorry he’s taken the utter piss.
I’d get your partner to speak to him tonight and explain that this isn’t sustainable. I’d also ask him to express the concern that his situation can’t get better whilst he has an unreliable income. He needs to get whatever job he can that will provide a steady income. He needs to have it explained that for any further longevity to this situation, he needs to pitch in both financially and by contributing to chores etc. If this isn’t agreeable then the situation can’t no longer work.
I’d try that before chucking him straight out.

What does he do all day when you are both at work?

Has your husband never had a word with him about all of this? Lack of manners? Lack of awareness? What his plans are?

He's been there since October.

Bag up his stuff and boot him out. He's played you guys for suckers. And don't let your partner move in any more of his homeless friends.

He says he won't qualify for housing because he has large council tax and HMRC arrears.

I understand why you want him gone but why have you put up with his selfish and inconsiderate behaviour since October without saying anything?

It's all well and good assuming he should have known how to behave better but he wasn't doing it, you let him get away with it and now you are pissed off.

What's wrong with telling him it's his turn to wash up, cook, clean the bathroom? You were doing him a favour not running a hotel.