AIBU to ask what SAHMs do all day

[Ticktockk]

Because I’m struggling a bit. Due to various circumstances I’m not working at the moment. All kids are in school all day. I walk the dog, do the washing, tidy up a bit. And then what do I do? Sometimes I go to the gym or do a bit of my hobby. I feel like I don’t have a raison d’être. But the house is very clean!

How do you pass the time? Shall I start an expensive gin habit?! Joking aside though, I’m finding it hard.

The children.

Allotment or garden projects?

The children

Ah ok. So far so good for mine. Two are adults seemingly unscathed by their jobless Mother.

Not about being unscathed.

Volunteer for the PTA. There will be some things you can help run. Easter egg hunt at school during school time for instance if you can’t volunteer outside of these hours, contacting businesses to sponsor prizes etc. And these will definitely benefit your children and you have more of a say in how funds raised are used.

I would also recommend some fun things too. You might not get this time back again so enjoy.

Do elaborate

My SAHM mother was a very good example for her children. We saw her working hard in the space she had (not a lot of school-hours jobs available in small-town NZ), cooking us nutritious food, making our clothing, maintaining the house, being there for us to help with homework and work through our problems, taking us to various lessons outside of school and to friends' houses, helping families who needed extra support in our community. And we also saw her taking time for herself when she needed a break, which is a great example in a world where too many people are stressed.

If you think that only working people are good examples for children then your worldview is incredibly narrow.

I don't think only workers are good examples, not every unemployed person is lazy but remaining jobless for the 12+ years children are in school isn't a good example to set to them at all, doesn't encourage them to aspire to much.

Or maybe it gives them the safety net they need to try hard things, knowing that there's someone there for them if they need support or to offload their worries.

There are many different ways to encourage children to aim high. If you're the only adult they see then sure, maybe staying at home for their entire school career will mean they think that's all adults do. But if they're going to school then this obviously isn't the case, and children are exposed to all sorts of people doing all sorts of jobs who act as examples and motivators for them.

If being a SAHM for the entirety of a child's school years was a problem for children aiming high then middle-class children would never have become doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs or anything considered aspirational since for a long time middle-class women weren't allowed to work outside the home.

Where they have the choice, everyone makes the decision that works best for their families. Your position on this is a nonsensical one.

And since I'm not interested in entrenching a bunfight on the OP's thread asking for support I'm going to leave this now.

My only aspiration is for them to be happy and not try to cheer themselves up by diminishing others.
I have a MA. I had big, important jobs before having kids. I’ve achieved plenty but my biggest achievement is having a happy, contented marriage and happy, loved children. Oh and the house is pretty beautiful too.

But being on an internet forum at 3pm shitting on other people's choices is a fabulous example. I'm sure your children will thank you for being such an praiseworthy and aspirational model.

@Ticktockk

Volunteer
Get involved in school governance
Cook (if you enjoy it)
Do a further degree
Get fluent in a language
Write a novel
Think about whether you want to go back to work at some point and, if so, same area or something different - are there any skills you should sharpen or add?

what do you do that constitutes a good example for children?

Obviously not dossing around for over 12 years and list many excuses for doing so.

Ignore the poster who has an axe to grind about SAHM. No one wins if you're burnt out and stressed, especially not the kids. If you aren't worried about money then there is no problem showing kids that you can practice self care and that they've got a mentally stable, un-frazzled mum who can help them through tough times because she will be there to talk to after school.

It is your money too, you're enabling his career

Am I the only one weak at this
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Horrace
I missed that one 👌

How would I know? You seem to have an awful amount of time to post on here, so please enlighten us?

Housewife?

Because my comments wouldn't make sense if I was jobless.

Housewife means jobless/unemployed.

Why do you care? I just don't understand the point of being such a miserable person you bother spending half the day on a thread that, apparently, has nothing to do with you.

I kind of get the feeling that being either a SAHM or an employed person is just a fantasy for you.

The why do you care comment applies to every topic on websites like this or any opinion. Why do you care that I think it's lazy and odd to be jobless for over a decade etc.. I don't think many aspire to be jobless so that doesn't make sense.

I found there were too many unfilled hours in a day, back on the 70’s, as I only had two kids, 18 months apart, so, I went back to paid employment.

But, each to their own if they can afford it. 👍

No, it's extreme in your case. It's one thing to drop by, but you (presumably a busily employed productive member of society 😂) have spent your entire afternoon on this. Why? Because it's setting such a fantastic example for your children?

Hey look kids, that woman doesn't work, so it's an excellent use of my time to make her feel as awful as I can. Yay me! What a role model I am.

Don't you have (gasps with admiration) work to do?