AIBU to ask what SAHMs do all day

[Ticktockk]

Because I’m struggling a bit. Due to various circumstances I’m not working at the moment. All kids are in school all day. I walk the dog, do the washing, tidy up a bit. And then what do I do? Sometimes I go to the gym or do a bit of my hobby. I feel like I don’t have a raison d’être. But the house is very clean!

How do you pass the time? Shall I start an expensive gin habit?! Joking aside though, I’m finding it hard.

you haven't told us what you actually DO

I volunteer - I am a parent governor, WI President and work at a local cottage museum. I’ve previously had a small craft based business and last year I graduated after doing a part time MA for 2 years.

Our kids are mid 20's now and I understand your dilemma. I have a business I run from a home office but tbh I only need an hour or so to keep everything shipshape and profitable. Wife and I have decided to foster! If you feel up to it check out your options. I feel I still have some worthwhile parenting years in gront of me and am probably a calmer, more empathetic person than when I began parenting. It's quite an exciting prospect!

I've been both a sahm and a wm.
I don't know if this point has already been made but one plus of sahm-hood is that you save quite a lot of money if you cook things from scratch, mend clothes, do DIY etc.. I couldalso look after pets and garden in the way I wanted as a sahm, rather than according to the time available.
IMO they are different mind sets and it takes time to adjust from one to the other.
I would never say that a sahm is lazy, unless specifically choosing a lazy way of living eg stay in bed all morning followed by daytime tv in the pm.
So much useful volunteering is done by sahms. I think they do an important job and support family members and the community at large ( depending upon individual character)

Sorry but I didn't see why working isn't an option if you can do other things? Even volunteering etc, apologies if I've misread. Xx

It’s a good question. DH works very long hours, often into the night as it is a foreign based company. So it would definitely need to be within school hours (after school childcare tricky with SEN child) as I need to do school run and be around after school and for bedtime.
I’ve got into a mindset where ‘I am a teacher therefore I work I must be a teacher’ but actually that’s not really true and there are probably lots of other roles I’d enjoy.
But mostly when I posted this I’d got into a total funk and couldn’t see past the end of my own nose. This thread has helped me so SO much to sort myself out and be positive - whether that’s work, volunteering, classes/further education… I feel a lot less despairing now so thank you everyone.

You must be very organised as I was none stop busy when at home. Just keeping on top of the house, cleaning, washing, ironing, admin, sorting blah blah blah. I did stop and have a cup of tea, chat to a friend etc, but before I knew it, I was cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, helping with homework and then the cycle started again. Maybe we are just very messy!

Oh, are you embarrassed by me pointing out that you spent most of the day on a thread solely for the point of shaming the OP? Sorry.

@Ticktockk

I'm glad you're feeling better. When I left my job we were doing an international move with 3 kids and a couple dogs. It was going to be a while before I could work due to my visa being sorted out and it was a big shock. I couldn't wait to go back and then, after a while, when life had settled, I realised I didn't want to go back, at least not full time.

Once I got used to it, and got over the mental block about paid work and self-esteem, I had no problem at all being busy, useful and fulfilled. I recognise that you might want to go in a different direction, but as a teacher, I'd think you have lots of useful volunteer skills that organisations will snap up.

When I was furloughed I had a lot of free time. I took a job at school as a lunchtime supervisor but that was only a couple of hours..around that I'd go for a run 2 or 3 days a week, I am on the pta so always had things to do for that, and then when COVID permitted I also did reading with the children in my daughter's year. I still have 2 days off a week so have to pack more in but still read 1 afternoon and am still on the pta so have Comms or shopping/organising to do for that. Plus shopping/cleaning/tidying.

The only embarrassment here is the weirdo who went through every reply of mine, noted the time stamp and made a list 😂😂

I'm so sorry, totally get it. Similar lives, restricted work wise by DH and his job and SEN DC. Please don't think you have to prove yourself, value the free time. Hoping you, like me, find something we can find some passion about. Xxx

Oh. You and your passive/aggressive little emojis are back. I can't abide bullies, they're such sad little people.

Do you have anything useful to add for the OP?

Yes as I can't believe what lengths you've gone to, so so weird 😂

I haven’t worked in 21 years. My kids are grown now or almost grown. I sleep in till 10 or so, then go have tea with my neighbour for an hour and play with her cats. Then it’s home and the rest of my day is spent sewing and embroidering in front of the Telly. My house is a mess and I rarely bother cooking. I’m a terrible housewife. But I don’t feel bored.

The irony of you calling others weird with your posting history. 😅

I’m a SAHM, with children who are teenagers and older. My life is very relaxed. I do the school drop off and pick up but other than that just enjoy the days. I walk out dogs, run, shop, read, watch tv, see friends. I sort dinner on a couple of days but my partner and kids likes to cook too so they do it other days or we eat out. We have a cleaner who also does a lot of the washing, changing beds, ironing etc so I have a lot of free time. I have periods where I volunteer lots and then have a break for a while.

It’s definitely weird to be so bothered about SAHMs and what they call themselves. How sad, something definitely not quite right about that. 🤪🤪🤪

What job do you do?

Currently I’m running around after 2 preschoolers and I feel behind on EVERYTHING! And it’s my responsibility to remember EVERYTHING!

I feel like when they are in school I’ll fill my day no problem and maybe even squeeze in a few nice things!

My mum can have the kids once a week though and I work in my local. This has been so good for me. Earns me a bit of money and it’s a job where I just clock in clock out. No drama and I get to talk to some grown ups.

When I was a SAHM I worked in DDs school as a lunchtime supervisor, it was only 10 hours a week and a bit of pocket money.

Can't be compared to seeking out my replies, noting down time stamps and posting a list 😂

Your behaviour is much, much weirder!

Hi,
My husband has taken the kids to school this morning and then taken the three year old out, so I’m a child free SAHM for the morning. I have so far, wallpapered two bathrooms and given them a deep clean. I’m now having a cup of tea before I make us all lunch (pesto pasta and broccoli for the little one, chicken wraps for me and husband). They’re due home in an hour.
What have you been up to at your imaginary job?

Actually, I have a sort of photographic memory, so I can basically see pictures of the pages in my mind after reading them. (If you want to cross reference, I might have missed a few or made an error or two). And I'm a fast typist. Like I said, I'm good at things, not unsuccessful and unhappy so don't need to spend my time bullying and shaming OP's for asking genuine questions.

Don't you need to go punch the old clock soon so your kids will have ambition?

I was a SAHM but I have 3 children.
one disabled so needed taking to therapy in school hours x 2 per week .
i had different locations to get my children to for school so the school run was more time consuming.
i had a dog , large home , no help so actually just about managed to get everything done 🤪
Online food shopping/ order shopping not really a thing back then so had that to do .
i did meet friends for coffee sometimes that was about it