AIBU to ask what SAHMs do all day

[Ticktockk]

Because I’m struggling a bit. Due to various circumstances I’m not working at the moment. All kids are in school all day. I walk the dog, do the washing, tidy up a bit. And then what do I do? Sometimes I go to the gym or do a bit of my hobby. I feel like I don’t have a raison d’être. But the house is very clean!

How do you pass the time? Shall I start an expensive gin habit?! Joking aside though, I’m finding it hard.

I see friends, read books, at the moment I’m planning a birthday party.

Also if it's a reasonably long term thing, join a group where you can make new friends free at the same time - regular exercise class or hobby...

Cooking from scratch - I had no time to keep ontop of housework after doing that and admin and a couple of coffee meet ups.

I think when it’s a change it takes a while to adjust.

When I had my first baby I remember being lost as to what I was supposed to do.

The SAHM’s I’ve known that seem to enjoy it throw themselves into their children’s world by volunteering at school, doing the PTA, running the toddler group and that kind of thing. But if that’s not for you (like it wasn’t for me) then a part time job is the way forward.

I’m a SAHM and I agree with all this! This is what I do, the 5.5 hours go fast, takes up to an hour or so to do a basic clean up of the house when home from school run, washing up, washing away, load on, tidy up, then have a shower, do some admin, buy a birthday present, research house renovation project, chat with mum, volunteer for a couple of hours, pop to the shops, do an online food order, slow cooker on, buy uniform, book a holiday, etc etc and that’s the day is gone! You just end up responsible for ALL the admin / school / Brownies/ family / life stuff that isn’t working for money, and the aim is to do most in the week so the weekend is clear

I'm not SAHM but do have two days a week when the DC are at school and I don't have work. I do a bit of tidying and washing but also go to the gym every day and meet friends for coffee, go for a walk, lie about watching tv, bake, eat, whatever I like basically. I love it but probably because it's only two days.

My studies and linked volunteering take up 3 days a week. The other two days are household chores and all family admin like booking holidays, dentist, my own appointments, house renovation etc . I’ve made myself a bit too busy tbh

I've been a sahm for many years and all my DC are in school.

I organise my week which really helps and also volunteer 1-2 days a week

Just to add, I do also feel guilty if I’m not busy running round after everyone doing something practical when the children are at school. Partly because my partner WFH full time so he’s always in the house, I feel bad if I sit down watching This Morning with a cuppa whilst he’s hard at work. I also don’t like housework very much. I’m much better with a routine and productive things to do (like helping at school, sorting our renovations), and the bathroom cleaning gets done when it has to. Otherwise you can just feel like a housekeeper. I do love a good sort and clear out though

Free online courses?

Do your Council run any online courses?
A new language? Family Tree?

I used to meet with friends a lot.

Things I do as a SAHM;

• Bake/cook from scratch/experiment more with cooking.
• lots of reading/ perusing local library/thrift store for books
• build Lego
• taught myself new skills via online learning (lots of free stuff).
• taught myself more DIY, so I don't always have to rely on DH to put things together for me.
• taught myself basic car maintenance.
• deep clean house, regularly

There's heaps of stuff you could do. I know I'm rarely bored. I also host alot of evening social functions, so there's preparation for that.

Have a nap. God I love napping. Can't wait until I retire.

Repaint the house, sand and varnish the kitchen table, buff the floors, organise the new bathroom... these are all things that I'd like to do if I was off work.

As it is, I have 6 hours a week off (9-3 on one day) so I go to the gym, do a big shop/unload it, go for a run and clean the house. It always feels very rushed!

If you've come out of a hectic time, I wouldn't underestimate the need to recoup yourself.

I'd be reading, lightly exercising and making really good food.

This! Mine are in secondary now but 1 SEN so not many hours. I follow one of my dc's to school, then I workout, stop by the shops to get sth I've forgotten on my list, home to laundry/cleaning/dinner prep, lunch, have a nap and ready to get dc. I am never bored tbh. Too many books to read!

I'm a SAHM (overseas). I get 5.5 hours 4x per week and 3 hours 1x week. I learn a language (required for renewing my visa) 3x a week. But to be honest I hate being a SAHM because it feels like mind numbing drudgery 99% of the time. I had a career I loved before so I now spend most of my time applying for jobs, I also recently did an online post grad course at Uni.
My son has ASD and to be honest I don't feel I have enough time to do everything. He's very challenging and requires more energy to parent than the average kid. Most of the time I'm cleaning, washing, ironing. Make all food from scratch - I'm in a country where they don't have ready meals/UPF. I exercise. And I go for lunch with friends once a week.

6 hours a day five times a week is quickly filled as on 2 days I have my youngest at home with me so it's not really a free day. On the other 3 days I try to get my household chores done, go to the gym and help in some voluntary roles.

Maybe you need some down time? It’s ok to watch tv. It’s ok to exercise or go for a walk or mooch around a shop. Read. Bake. Paint. Walk. And rest. You are allowed to rest.

Mmmm well the first thing I’d ask if how much disposable income you have? As that will dictate a few suggestions. Can you have facials, massages, meet friends for lunch/coffees? Try Pilates etc
You can do plenty but really depends on your financial circumstances.

i have a SEN child on a partial timetable.

I drop her off, not always first thing, come home, wash up and clean kitchen, have a cuppa, clean litter tray, sort washing, vacuum. I find that takes up a chunk of time.
One day I go food shopping first thing. I go out and get anything DD or DH needs. Might clean bathroom, floors, change beds. Make my lunch, make dinner.
Sometimes I go for a walk. I like going round the charity shops every few weeks.
I do various crafts though that fill my time.
I do any house things during the week so my weekends are totally free.

If she was in all day guaranteed I would sign up to a course. I saw today a local food bank want volunteers and I would do that, but I’m not guaranteed to turn up, so I can’t.
I also find it hard to meet up with people, I have one friend who is part time I go out with.

It’s hard if you aren’t officially ‘unemployed’ as carers allowance doesn’t count the same way for training. So to do courses you often have to pay, and I’m only on carers allowance. But I might have done more training otherwise.

are you maybe lonely? So you can keep yourself busy with cleaning and cooking and walking the dog, but it’s all solo activities until your dc comes home. If you’ve been a bit frantic dealing with a child with SEN, have you ended up with few local friends who are free in the day so need to make new “day time friends”.

Id start with some volunteering. Charity shops often need volunteers to sort out donations. (If you aren’t scheduled to be on the till it’s less of an issue if your dc is sick/has an appointment so you can’t go.)

do other parents at the school have dogs? Suggest a group dog walk (there may be some who don’t work full time so have a day they can do.) if there aren’t any others, there may be local walking groups who meet in the day you could join.

Joining other groups that it’s ok if you miss sometimes - eg our local independent book shop has a cafe and has a monthly book club read the book, turn up for a coffee and cake and a chat.

Do you have a local adult education centre? As well as doing courses that lead to employment, ours also has hobby courses on in the day like beginners sewing or art classes or languages.

I don't know ANY SAHM who has time to have pamper sessions, read book, watch daytime tv! And they don't spend their lives cleaning either.

You might need to declutter your house once, but when it's done, it's done.

It's fair that you become responsible for all the admin and housework if your partner is working full time, but that means you waste half a day with the car's MOT, YOU waste time finding a plumber, you are the one wasting time trying to find a GP for your sick kid. Individually, it's not much, but it adds up...

It also means that you have entirely free weekends, when others are catching up with housework, batch cooking, gardening and all the boring chores.
Your partner works full time, but he's got his weekends back to, because he's not expected to deal with chores then either. It's fair and it gives a better life balance.