AIBU to ask what SAHMs do all day

[Ticktockk]

Because I’m struggling a bit. Due to various circumstances I’m not working at the moment. All kids are in school all day. I walk the dog, do the washing, tidy up a bit. And then what do I do? Sometimes I go to the gym or do a bit of my hobby. I feel like I don’t have a raison d’être. But the house is very clean!

How do you pass the time? Shall I start an expensive gin habit?! Joking aside though, I’m finding it hard.

As a long time Mumsnet reader, this is the first time I’ve ever written a post.

I am currently going through a similar phase in my life after 12 years working in a high pressure role, then having a baby and then feeling slightly lost with what to do with my time now she is at nursery. I know in some way it’s down to burnout and I’m in such a fortunate position to be able to have some downtime, however there is always the feeling like I should be doing more in terms of work/money/career and I’m not pushing myself enough.

Your post and all of the ideas from the other commenters has really helped me and made me feel much more positive about being more structured this week and actually enjoying my time whether be cleaning, cooking, gardening, going to to the gym.

On a final note, I think it’s really sad how judgemental some people are on this site. It baffles me to see people care and be so opinionated about other people’s lives. You never know someone’s reasons for needing some downtime and I find it really sad that some have to put down others because they are not happy with their own life.

This post has been so helpful to me so thank you OP and to all of the other posters with their ideas!

It was the reply your comments deserved. You sound pathetic.

It's the same standard copy and paste response everyime 😂

*Everytime

Put in the time to support your dcs disability?

Everytime eh, you do this often then? Maybe you and those like you should stop posting unhelpful things on SAHM threads and it won’t happen.

I meant in general on here, every single time people trot out a fake patronising copy and paste response to a comment they don't like .. 😂

In this case it was because people were answering OPs question and you have arrived just to be an arse.

Maybe if we all ignore you, you’ll go away. I think you’ve been fed enough.

I think as a lot of people on this thread have said, it's not that much time and it just allows you to get a lot of things done, to a high standard, while maintaining weekends as free time. And I think that often the problem IS the guilt - you feel like you SHOULD be doing more. But I'll tell you this - when DH was a SAHD I didn't for one second feel resentful if he had some time off when DS was in nursery because I absolutely loved that I didn't have to do any washing or clearning and that on weekends we could all just have a nice time.

I often think that the difference between my SAHM friends (and their families) and me and my WOHM and families is that the SAHM families often are just rushing less, and so can sometimes get more done, or to a higher standard. A very very kind SAHM friend was going into the next big town last week and she very kindly picked up a few things for me from speciality shops we don't have locally. I was so grateful because I almost never have time to go to the big town, and if I do, it's either when I'm in a mad rush or it's on a Saturday and it means a) crowds and b) that I have to give up something else.

So please don't feel guilty. Enjoy it and think about the benefits not just for you, but for your DH and the DC too!

And absolutely watch a box set or meet up with "daytime' friends or join a yoga class, just for you!

I'm doing an open university degree

Anyway OP....

I do the school run, tidy up, prep dinner, exercise, see family and friends, any admin type stuff and just do whatever I like, lunches out, hobbies etc. I also sometimes just do nothing which is nice!

So please don't feel guilty. Enjoy it and think about the benefits not just for you, but for your DH and the DC too!

Agree with this. Our house is really relaxed because there’s plenty of time to do everything and it really does benefit all of us.

Please don't waste all your lovely free time on organising cupboards...
You owe it to the working mums with no time on their hands - to do something worthy, enjoyable, silly, lazy... but not bloody cupboard organising!
LIVE - ENJOY!

Having down time after a challenging period (did you say quiet time?) could be just that, a few calm hours. Are you sure you can actually commit to something else - having a few hrs a week where you need to amuse yourself is a luxury and should be a win, not time that needs to be squashed with a commitment necessarily. I've run around like a blue arsed fly for years and had a bit of a breakdown...don't ever exert yourself just so that you don't have time to sit and think/figure out what you actually enjoy. We don't always have to be busy and society often shames us for doing things we enjoy or having peace.

I work one morning a week.

One morning I go to a yoga class
One morning I do a 10k walk.

Once a fortnight I do a big grocery shop which by the time I’ve done the shopping, got home, unloaded the car, unpacked everything has somehow taken me three hours. The other weeks I just pick bits up as and when we need them.

Other than that I walk the school run rather than driving it which takes twice as long but is better for all of us, spend a couple of hours cleaning, maybe sort a cupboard or drawer, hang washing up, fold and put away another load of washing, get dinner prepped and maybe have half an hour free before it’s time to do the school run again and then take children to their activities.

I’m usually busy all day but don’t have to clean in the evenings and weekends like I used to and take fewer shortcuts with meals.

I don’t agree with whoever said decluttering is a one time thing, it’s a constant process here as children grow/interests change/lifestyle evolves. It’s obviously easier to keep on top of if you’ve previously done a big purge but it’s still an ongoing thing. Also OP I’m envious that you say your house is very clean, I feel
like I could clean forever and still not get to that point!

I would start by trying to find structure within your week so for example;
Monday - gym/run
Tuesday - deep clean a cupboard or do a house related chore that you have been putting off
Wednesday - do the food shop and batch cooking
Thursday - do something nice for you (facial/hair appointment/nails etc.
Friday - volunteer

you know perfectly well what I mean.

You do sound bitter 😂 but there's always one on these threads. You wouldn't bother to have such negative judgement if your own life was fulfilling.

I do feel sorry for people like you, who are resenting their lives so much. If you REALLY cannot find something to do at home, your life must be very boring. And not that successful if you are that much on MN!

I didn't, that's why I said I don't know what you mean.. the rest of your comment makes no sense either. I'm not the jobless one dossing around at home so I can't make sense of it. Again just another copy and paste response being false and and trying to patronise 😂

yes dear, enjoy your high flying career and your busy life, it's great you have such an amazing job and no time for dossing around trying to start a fight on an anonymous forum 😂

I didn't say that either.. 😂🤦‍♀️

I'd say that is unemployed (no DC to loom after). Would you not want to return to work? No wonder you are bored.

Get a dog!

But seriously, don’t over commit yourself. With SEN kids, you can come out of the tricky times for a few weeks then it all gets complicated again. I had about three weeks last year when they were all in school.

Home educating two dc now. So that keeps me busy. But really, once back from the school run, done the house jobs, admin etc, it only leaves an hour or two before school pick up. Which is home educating time here but could be anything! It’s not that long!

I'm freelance not a SAHM but I try to only work school hours. With life admin, some days I only get 4 hours to work. Depending on your skill-set, I'd either do a distance learning course (OU? Vocational training?) or maybe look at some self-employed work?

Are all your children in schools that have enough TAs that they aren't begging for helpers? In the family we have children in schools across the NW and they would bite your hand off for even two hours a week.

Do you all have tiny houses? There’s always something else to do in mine, or in the garden. A mountain of laundry. I cook from scratch as much as possible. I do two one hour exercise classes and spend a half day sorting stuff out for my elderly dm and take her for lunch, but I’d struggle to find the time to do much more for myself during the day. Afternoons are a busy schedule of driving dc to different activities

Evenings and weekends are family time, for reading, relaxing, gaming, taking trips, days out, hikes, movies, crafts etc. We all chill out together.