To think a disproportionate number of MN posters have failed marriages?

[HamptonPlace]

Not trying to be mean, but that is not my lived experience with my friends, family, (of whom i have plenty...) could count on the fingers of (less than 1 hand). 44 yo btw.... AIBU MNers are representative, AINBU it's not a representative cross cut of society?

Given that is it 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce (or is it higher) and then the figures for live in relationships without marriage, seems representative to me.

Especially if those with happy or at least OK marriages are less likely to say much about them.

This is a forum for support - people who don’t need support won’t be represented to the same extent.

I’d argue that the people you know aren’t representative of society. As above, 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce.

Almost half of marriages end in divorce so id say it’s fairly representative.

Happiest people don’t post as much. 🤷‍♀️

Well people in happy, loving marriages generally don't post on forums asking for advice on their relationship.

Also luckily being 44 and know so few break ups. I'm a decade younger and definitely had at least 5 divorces in my friend group and probably a few unhappily married still

I would have been able to say the same at 44. In the last few years, 5 of my closest friends marriages have ended.

It's more than one in three that end in divorce, it's 42% in the UK. A very high percentage.

is it not more likely that you don't really start threads talking about how happy you are in your marriage?

I have 1 divorce after a 7 year marriage and 1 marriage thats lasted 31 years so far. Do they cancel each other out?

Has it never crossed your mind if people are I happy marriages they won't be posting this? Odd if it hasn't!

Yabu. And goady. Most threads are about male husbands and partners, so I don't understand why you assume they're all divorced.

Also, statistically unless you're living in a fundamentalist religious sect it's unlikely that you don't know any "failed marriages".

Latest stats say 42% of marriages end in divorce in the UK, and given that people who tend to post about their marriage are going through problems (or giving others the benefit of their experience having gone through one) then you’re more likely to see those kinds of posts on here.

A quick recce of my friends and family would suggest that 42% seems about right. Including my parents who got divorced and then remarried one another.

Because MN is possibly the best place to get free support and advice and it is anonymous.

Exactly. The OP's point would only make sense if she'd surveyed everyone on mumsnet on their marriage and over 42% said their marriage had failed.

Before I was 25 (ish) I would have said the same - but because of a Catholic upbringing where people stayed together however unhappy. I never knew they were unhappy but looking back they were. My best friend from school's Dad was unfaithful throughout apparently - only his kids and a few of their friends know - and still together.

I have a much wider circle now (older than you) and so more divorces in the mix. But if I'd taken a different path, my friends and family group would also have no divorces etc.

People come here for support. They won't need support eith their relationship if they are happy. You also don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Someone you consider in a happy marriage may be posting on Mumsnet about their poor relationship.

From the ONS

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/divorce/bulletins/divorcesinenglandandwales/2022

I don't know how many users of MN there are but I am sure that it is a larger sample than all the people you know personally. So surely, a larger sample will be more representative of the population.

This ^^

Plus in some cultures divorce is an absolute no-no, so there'll be plenty of people living with failed marriages, but they feel unable to do anything about it.

I would rather be happy and divorced than stay in an unhappy marriage. Just because people are married for a long time, doesn’t mean they’re happy. Social stigma/religion for some would prevent them getting a divorce.

Staying married isn’t an achievement, it’s luck that you met someone you want to stay with…

I think the average age on MNs is older than you OP. I'm sure younger generations are less likely to get married & less likely to get divorced.

Average age for divorce is 45 for men and 42 for women, OP.

At 44, I never thought I’d be divorced by the time I was 54, but I was. Lots of couples look at each other when the children leave home and realize they have nothing left in common.

Your lived experience is a tiny snapshot. The statistics suggest s lot of marriages end in divorce.

You aren’t with your friends or family 24/7
they could easily be someone on here discussing their d!ckhead partner