To think a disproportionate number of MN posters have failed marriages?

[HamptonPlace]

Not trying to be mean, but that is not my lived experience with my friends, family, (of whom i have plenty...) could count on the fingers of (less than 1 hand). 44 yo btw.... AIBU MNers are representative, AINBU it's not a representative cross cut of society?

"Looking at divorce rates more broadly, they have seen fluctuations over time. The average overall divorce rate stands at 31.8%, considering all marriages from 1964 to 2019. This rate varies with the duration of marriage. For instance, 35.3% of couples who married in 1968 had ended in divorce by 2018, compared to 43.6% for those marrying in 1988. Intriguingly, only 18.9% of couples married in 2008 had divorced by 2018, potentially suggestive of a trend where younger couples are more likely to stay together ."

As someone with a 'failed' marriage, I fucking hate that term.

I think women are much less tolerant of bad behaviour than they were years ago.
And it could be the happy ones don't post on here.

I think it’s this. You are still too young OP. I’m a few years younger and only have 2 friends who are divorced. I have no doubt that figure will be going up!

Absolutely

It's more than one in three that end in divorce, it's 42% in the UK. A very high percentage.

I don't see that.

"The average overall divorce rate in England and Wales is 34.2%, based on all marriages over the past 50+ years between 1964 to 2022"

But you are hardly going to come on here and post about your marriage if all is going well? I don’t think a forum where people predominantly come here with problems is a good measure of the overall audience

I consider my marriage to have been a great success in that in ended in divorce. An utter failure would have been staying married.

Maybe it’s because fewer people are getting married? (Ie so only the most committed still bother). Also maybe fewer people can afford to get divorced 😬😬?

At least half the kids in my children's classes always had divorced parents, so I'd say without looking any further, it's quite representative!

I know, because arranging parties or sleepover makes it very obvious it's mum/ dad's weekend! Divorce are not a secret.

It's people still married who are the exception around me.

AINBU it's not a representative cross cut of society?

I think it’s far more likely that you, your family and your friends are not a representative cross cut of society.

Mumsnet gave me the bravery and perspective to leave an absolute shocker of a relationship. So if I hadn't been here I'd still be in what all my friends and family thought was a lived experience of a great relationship....

@Lostcat Yes, I said upthread that younger people are less likely to get married. And financially it's probably harder to divorce. People get married later too and are often engaged for longer vs the past.

As I said on another thread my parents are in their 80s and still together. My mum has slept with other men and she bullied me and my dad. I see staying together in that situation as more of a failure than divorce. At least if they'd split I could have got away from the abuse once I was old enough to have a say.

I think it's probably about right.

I'm 38 and off the top of my head I know so many failed marriages/relationships.

My parents
My husband's parents
My SIL
Friend of my husband
2 of my friends
Friend of a friend
Probably at least 10 people from/through work who have been divorced or separated from a long term relationship.

For me it seems more unusual to know someone who is still on their first marriage/long term family style relationship.

And that they've only been married 10 years as opposed to 50?

It’s your own figures that don’t add up to the societal averages.

I've been happily married for 30 odd years and I I'm almost certain we won't get divorced but I wouldn't see getting divorced as a failure or even as a bad thing. If people don't get on then why on earth do they stay together.
If it was more acceptable then maybe more divorces would be amicable.

Over half of marriages end in divorce
people also rarely post if everything is fine

Oh yes, missed that 🤭😆. I had assumed the stats were over the same 10 year period. That’ll be it then.

People may not be married for so long but they may still have been in relationships with each other. I met DH at uni (like lots of my friends) but we didn't marry till a decade or so later.

YABU for referring to "failed" marriages. Sounds very judgemental

Which boards are you taking into consideration?
There are posters which are here for specific topics around parenting, or elderly parents, or pregnancy etc.
If you only read the relationships board or AIBU, you will get a completely skewed perspective.

How silly, OP! Between one third and half of marriages end in divorce!

There is a much higher proportion of educated women on here and women who take absolutely no shit. It's no wonder that when faced with a really bad situation they choose to divorce rather than to stay. It's a position of strength, not weakness.