To think a disproportionate number of MN posters have failed marriages?

[HamptonPlace]

Not trying to be mean, but that is not my lived experience with my friends, family, (of whom i have plenty...) could count on the fingers of (less than 1 hand). 44 yo btw.... AIBU MNers are representative, AINBU it's not a representative cross cut of society?

Never fails to surprise me the people don't understand the concept of a 'statistically valid' sample and that their friends and family won't be enough! MN also won't be typical because as pp's have said, happy people don't come to vent or ask for advice about their relationships.

As for age, at 44 no you probably won't know many divorced couples (thought none at all is unusual, out of 5 friends 2 of us were divorced by 40). Fast forward 15 years and that will change dramatically. I'm late 50's and it's astonishing how many men I know have chosen to cheat / leave for an affair partner after a long term marriage. Or just leave because of a late mid-life crisis.

Of course some women also realise that they are heading for 60 with a boring, useless, unloving man, and it's not what they want for the remaining years of their life.

Every single one of my friends is divorced.

The majority were also victims of dv. I'm just glad women have more options these days.

When I said "educated" I was referring to the fact that women were giving themselves options by working in jobs where they could afford to leave a partner.

There is a surprising amount of marriage breakdown within fundamentalist religion. I don’t have stats but this is from personal experience. Looking back, the ones who split up were the most outwardly successful marriages that we all envied - the shenanigans were happening behind the scenes.
And another thing I noticed during my time there, it seems quite common for married women (especially the older more conservative ones) to have mental health breakdowns and depression.

Plenty of people look to the outside like they have happy marriages but actually don't. The only people who really know what is going on inside a marriage are the two people in it - no matter how close you think you are to someone or what they tell you.

Lots of men have affairs and never get caught especially in certain work sectors so the wife thinks it's all perfectly happy and to her it is.

A divorce isn't the only indicator of a failing marriage.

People are cohabiting longer before marriage also though. It's 7 years til my husband a d I have been together 25 years, but we're only on our 6th anniversary.

But you are hardly going to come on here and post about your marriage if all is going well? I don’t think a forum where people predominantly come here with problems is a good measure of the overall audience

Exactly. Dh and I have been happily together for 20 years and married for 10. I'm not going to come to MN and start a post about how great he is though.

I'm surprised you know so few divorces tbh. Im in my 30s and whilst not too many of my friends are divorced, probably 60% of my friends have divorced parents and plenty of my wider circle. Plus some of my non divorced friends are dating divorced men etc. I'm really surprised you can only count on one hand

I think it's just firstly people wont post if their relatively happy. Secondly MN is a good place for support and thirdly you probably won't know a lot of the ins and outs of your friends relationships. Also perhaps you live in a sheltered area?

YABU on a few fronts. I doubt MN women are somehow mysteriously unrepresentative of the female population at large.
Bigger YABU for describing it as 'failed'. The idea that a woman has to stick to one man her whole life or 'fail' is ridiculous. Especially since a lot of women still marry young.
Very old fashioned and unhealthy to mark the many marriages that end as failing.
I don't consider my marriage failed. It ended and I'm glad it did. I don't particularly regret it either. It simply happened at a point in my life that has passed.
It would have been a far bigger failure to stay in it.

Exactly this. Unhappiest people let you know on MN.

What is the point of this thread? And how do you know how your life and relationships and those in your circle will turn out in the end? And how do you know what proportion of mumsnetters are divorced? Also define failure. Almost everyone has more than one relationship over the course of a lifespan. Many women thankfully have been able to safely leave shitty relationships and move on to happier times.

This made me laugh. People on here would think you were being smug if you started a thread about your happy marriage, and tell you so too 😂.

Same here.

OP I think you are living in an echo chamber and you surround yourself with people like you. You're probably more likely to form friendships with those who are in similar positions to you because you have that in common.

Since becoming single I get invited to less "family" events, so I meet fewer people, but so do those who also go to the events, they consist of people just like them.

YABU op because you sound very smug

I would imagine (or I am projecting as I am a lone parent with ND children) that many single women or parents of SEN kiddies use MN as their support network. I know I do.
Hence demographic will be slightly skewed. Similarly it is one of the few spaces that allow discussions on gender identity, so you'll have more on here, interested in sex-protected rights.

You can Google it - quoted in plenty of places. You also don’t give any evidence as to your stats.

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/most-divorces-london-uk-census-data-b1062398.html

Bearing in mind this was one of many links I found.

Hi, thanks all for you comments. Interesting to read....apologies to those that my use of the word 'failed' was not ideal... that was just the word that came to mind... In terms of MN as such, it is not just about relationships that i have gleaned this observation, complaints about IL, hen nights, issues with DC etc.. Even with the England/Scotland stats (from Ireland, live in Scotland, so maybe that's something(!), but my friends groups are those i've known for decades...so think know pretty well, not work colleagues or whatever..) the ... finished (?) marriages seem like more than 50%, across all MN threads? Anyway so on and so forth this is what that this observation has stemmed from. Not just DP complaints... I have just found it surprising I have found, in the 6 months I have been active on MN... I have noting but empathy (and pride) for those whom have 'escaped' dangerous/unhealthy relationships...So apologies to any I have offended :)

p.s. I am entirely aware my contacts are extremely unlikely to be representative of the population as a whole!

Pus add on top people who co habitate that split up

But how do you know it’s more than 50% across Mumsnet threads? I am happily married but haven’t mentioned it on here!

Failed marriage is even more insulting than broken home. Something ending doesn't make it a failure.

Well 42% of marriages end in divorce, 18% of married lesbians divorce and 11% of married gay men divorce. So it wouldn’t be unusual to know a lot of divorced people, however if someone doesn’t they may then feel divorce is more unusual so notice divorced people more when they do come across them.

Not really intriguing given that many, many people end after the ten-year point!

again, not read every single post on MN but many hundreds over the last months (another story) and ended relationships/marriages seems to be the norm on here (+50%).. and again, i am sure these are likely good outcomes for the people involved...

Very strange choice to use 'failure' when it's almost the exact opposite for women. Anyway, that's covered upthread.

I think it depends on how old your dc are. Many of my friends waited till their youngest had started secondary, when life logistically gets easier as a solo parent, until they succeeded (😜) in removing the useless spouse from their lives.

Well, 66% of marriages end in divorce, so, no, you are wrong.