Friends DC & OnlyFans

[Clorrien]

I’m feeling really conflicted and unsure what to do.
A few days ago DD (20) and I had a conversation about the likes of BonnieBlue and Lily Phillips. Mostly talking about how exploitative the porn industry is.
Anyway during the conversation she told me, someone we know has a “popular” onlyfans account. She then went on to tell me it is the daughter of one of my closest friends. The girl in question is 22. DD says she only knows as there is a link in one of her social media bios and a few of them who know her have spoken about it. I’m shocked tbh, this girl is beautiful, extremely intelligent (she got a full ride scholarship for a top US uni), and always seemed very well adjusted. Her family are very normal as well, parents very loving, not bad off financially so she has never wanted for anything. Apparently she uses a pseudonym but that seems beside the point.

Anyway, this girls mum and I talk most days and I’m finding it hard to not tell her, I doubt she knows and if it were my DD I’d want to know so I could protect her.

WIBU to tell my friend? Or is it none of my business.

There is a huge problem within the industry of these women finding their male family members are secretly paying for their content. Uncles, even fathers have been caught in this position and it’s brutally traumatic for the women involved who obviously did not want or intend for this

She has used an alias for a reason. Most women making this content do try to distance it from their personal “real” life. Some don’t, of course.

I don’t think your assumptions on their self respect are fair. You could easily argue that women who deny themselves regular sexual satisfaction are lacking in self respect too.

And, as always, there is only ever talk of women doing sex work. Absolutely not one single mention of all the men who do it also. They are clearly above scrutiny, they aren’t “lacking self respect” for making content for money with these women.. because, why? I guess their penis protects them from judgement. Shocking.

What’s fascinating about this thread is that most users who are clearly against OF for ‘moral reasons’ keep throwing judgements on the opposing side, saying things like ‘ you think OF is so wonderful’ ‘ I don’t know what circles you’re moving in’ ‘ bet you would be okay with your daughter doing this’.

nobody here has said any of those things. In the OP the question was should I tell her mum?.

Telling the girls mum is shaming her and we have all responded by saying that judging and shaming women is not acceptable, whatever they choose to do for money.

This Industry has existed for as long as humanity has in whatever form. Your husband’s, boyfriends, sons, nephews, even your same-sex friends have partaken in watching it as much as you want to think that they don’t.

whether you think that it is despicable for women to create pornographic content online or not, the AIBU in question was to establish whether the girl should be shouted to her mum or not. Most posters who said no, said so not because they love only fans or that they would have no issue with their daughters doing it, but because it’s awfully judgy, and it’s sending a message to the Mum that she should be ashamed of her daughter because she’s doing something wrong.

as I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, I would probably be uncomfortable if my own daughter was posting that type of content online, however, I would pass no judgement on anybody that does or her for that matter. I will try to have an adult conversation, and see if this would be something that she would reconsider.

Outed* not shouted

THIS! 👏

No, you are entirely missing the point.

People are entitled to hold views on someone's OnlyFans activity. Of course it doesn't exist in a bubble. What they aren't entitled to do is to believe they have a right to be involved in any decision that person makes about it.

Lots of people saying 'I wouldn't want my daughter doing it'. That's fine - totally OK to hate the thought of it, totally fine to be worried, disappointed, devastated, whatever. Completely normal to feel that way.

But the point is that those feelings would be completely irrelevant to the daughter's choice. They are your feelings, not hers. Your feelings on the matter don't give you a right to get involved or try to stop her or decide she needs your protection. Your disapproval is simply meaningless.

Why not? Working in porn, being a stripper or lapdancer, or prostitution is a shameful way to make a living. People can choose to do what they like to make a living, but other people can have opinions on it.

Wow, shame on them? What about their punters?

Literally screaming at the screen!

“it’s such a shame these dirty women selling themselves for money!! Despicable”

dad, grandad, husband, son, friend watching porn - totally fine.

The disapproval isn't meaningless though, is it? Someone on OF can choose to ignore the disapproval, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. If the OF person is so sure she's doing the right thing, she won't give a toss. So it really doesn't matter if the OP has a word with the mum. If having a word does cause upset, it rather suggests that maybe life on OF isn't the sunny uplands you suggest.
You can scream from the rooftops that someone "doesn't have a right to get involved" or have an opinion, but that doesn't mean they won't. If @Clorrien knows, I suspect a lot of people know about this woman being on OF. All those people may feel they have a right to comment/have an opinion/judge on this woman the rest of this woman's life. Anything else is naivety tbh. You might really really want to believe that the world has changed, but it hasn't changed that much. Future employers/future mother in laws/future kids' teachers... The OP having a quiet word with the mother is the tip of a very big iceberg.

Thanks. Acually, I agree. But OP asked and I would want to be told if I didn't know. Not sure how one would broach the situation in that case, though.

It's the punters who should be shamed. This is why I support the Nordic model on regulating prostitution. There is no right to have sex, no right to buy it. Attitudes such as those feed into the existence of OF and porn and prostitution, which devalue, commodify and exploit (mainly) women's bodies and their self-autonomy. OF etc has nothing to do with bodily autonomy and everything to do with treating women as pieces of meat for men's use.

Why is it shameful?

I didn't suggest that I had a right to know, only that I would want to. Not the same, as you say.

shameful in your opinion. But the point you’re refusing to acknowledge is that your opinion has zero relevance to another adults career decisions.

if the daughter was 40 or 50 or 60, would you be wanting to tell her parent?

I think strippers and lapdancers would be quite offended to be lumped in like that

And again, largely ignores there are many, many men who engage in "sex work"

It's none of your business what so ever

If she wants to sell videos of herself having sex and people want to pay for it, then that is no concern if yours

I was a lap dancer for 5 years in my 30’s, I'm
now 42, all of my closest friends are from that time & were/are dancers. And also lawyers, nurses, bankers, project managers, married, with children, we are all completely normal well adjusted people with normal relationships with normal men. Still count it as one of the most fun times of my life & I made a lot of money! One of my friends has gone on to be one of the biggest OF creators out there & is a millionaire. Jeez, peoples views are so outdated.

Bear in mind that by telling your friend (if she doesn’t already know) you could be the catalyst the irrevocable destroys her relationship with her daughter. Would you want to be that messenger?

I have 3dd and if it was my youngest I would want to know as she has just turned 17 but my elder ones are both adults and what they do is up to them - and if it involved OF I'd rather stay ignorant.
I do think your dd has put you in a difficult position but it will come out sooner or later so I think I'd try and pretend I didn't know.

None of your business. Keep out.

I think this was the right thing to do.

Your daughter's friend is 22 but I get it completely - how many here made mistakes in their early 20's? It's really easy to make mistakes that can affect the rest of your life, especially one as exploitative as OF.

I know very few under 25's that aren't still finding their way, they make these mistakes because they are inexperienced. Therefore it makes sense if you have an existing relationship with their mum you checked.

They may be an adult, but they can still be exploited. The mother already knows, so you would hope they have thought it through and the impact this will have on their future. At that age all you can do is advise, and they make their own mistakes.

The sad thing is OF will have far far more serious ramifications than most mistakes made at that age...

£10,000 a month you say….

Jeez, this thread is depressing. Women defending the exploitation of women as if it doesn’t actually drag every woman into the equation. I don’t care how long prostitution has been around and if it’s the oldest profession- this just proves men have been in the business of exploiting vulnerable women for centuries.
Yes, digital ‘sex work’ does create a more sanitised version and women who engage in OF are able to separate themselves from the punters but it’s still exploitation. We wonder why men don’t see women as equals or as anything other than sex objects- because we are fooled into playing along with this shit.
Are men doing it? And when I say that I mean are men doing OF content for female consumption (not gay content) because if they aren’t, then we’re playing right into the hands of the patriarchy and misogyny and it’s being sold to us as empowerment.
Bear in mind MSM takes part in soft advertising for OF, think of the articles you’ve read about how much money the content creators on OF make- this is subliminal advertising. You don’t see many articles about how females are raking it in in law/finance etc, they want cannon fodder for the porn industry and our young women are just lapping it up. It’s depressed AF.