DH cheated, I don’t believe his version of events

[Bellanova]

DH and I have been together for 5 years, we are late 20s, have a 9 month old and generally very happy.

Last week he went on a work trip to Barcelona, he got back yesterday. I could tell immediately he wasn’t himself and asked what was up. After pressing for a while he told me “I cheated, we’ll sort of and I used cocaine”. To say I’m stunned is an understatement.

He went on to tell me he met a girl in a club, lots of people were using cocaine in this club and he was very drunk so he did “one line”, he then admitted she had done more. He said she then said they should go back to hers, he said he wasn’t thinking at all and said yes. When they got back she apparently said she doesn’t sleep with guys the first time she meets them but she would give him head. He said he didn’t really believe her that she wouldn’t sleep with him, but she did in fact just perform oral sex. He said they also made out and touched but she kept her skirt and underwear on the whole time. He then told me he spent the night at hers and the next morning he woke up erect and she noticed and performed more oral sex on him.

I know I probably shouldn’t have asked for all the details but I had to know.

AIBU to think it is very unlikely a girl would take a guy back to hers, but stop shy of actually sleeping with him?

I don’t even know what to do from here, I don’t want to leave him and it doesn’t seem premeditated but I just don’t believe he didn’t actually sleep with her. He also follows her instagram (she doesn’t follow him back) and she is bloody stunning which has knocked my self esteem into the ground. Then there is the drug use! Gosh I feel like my world is collapsing around me.

I’m so sorry op. You have done the right thing - he will keep cheating, lying, taking drugs - you can never trust him, he’s an immature, low-life. Make sure he pays for his child.

NRTFT
Oral or penetrative is cheating. Gutted for you OP. Only you know if you can get past this but I’d say get your ducks in a row and secure your finances and home because this could easily wreck your marriage.
No judgement here what you choose to do but you and dc should be first considerations.

Sorry OP, this isn't his first time cheating....he got caught out ny a work colleague and he is now covering his tracks. Tell the twat to bags his bags and leave......once a cheat, always a cheat.
And as for the cocaine.......words fail me.

Echoing comment above, I have the same pit in my stomach feeling reading your updates. Absolutely awful. So sorry you have to go through this.

*pack his bags

Hugs OP - you've got this.

It is clearly a culture with this man and his industry/work that him and his colleagues feel a foreign trip entitles them to take cocaine and cheat on their wives and partners.
I am not making excuses for him it all sounds absolutely pitiful. As for his comment ‘ngl’ means he has an absolute ability to remove his wife and baby from his mind at a stroke. These women he’s meeting, if he has money I would doubt they are just random beautiful Insta strangers, as well, unless he looks like a Hollywood A lister and has a bucket of charm to match.
Not sure why he has chosen to reveal this now, perhaps someone else knows and was going to tell OP.
And of course he’s upset and throwing in counselling but as I read on here this week counsellors are not magicians.
He did what he did because he could, and because he has no conscience.
At such a young age it is awful but OP has many years ahead and time to make a new life for herself.
It is devastating to read the hope and trust in her first posts though, that it was a one-off.

I'm so sorry OP . X

Just read your update OP, you must be reeling, I’m so sorry. You have done the right thing, let the anger carry you through the next few days. Confide in people you are close to, get them to speak with him so you don’t have to. There was an amazing poster on here a few weeks ago who was heavily pregnant who had similar I think and she was so strong, I suggest reading her post if you can find it - there was so much advice and support on there and I imagine some of it will be helpful from a logistics and finances pov too.

Who cares whether that’s the truth or there’s more to it? His version is more than enough to LTB! What they did do was bad enough and he’s told you that he’d have done more given the opportunity, it’s only because of the woman that they didn’t. Get a grip OP

What an absolute scum bag. I'm sorry OP.

It sounds like anything with you is a nothing burger.

Oh god OP - I'm so sorry. What an absolute bastard!

Please take care of yourself - get support from friends and family ❤️

What is a nothing burger? (English not my 1st language, sorry).

This sorry tale as it stands would be enough for me to leave.

If you don’t want a lifetime of worrying what he’s up to (you already know he is more than capable), then I strongly advise you to leave this man sooner rather than later.

Just read more, this man will never stop chasing other women.

Posters who don't read all the OP's posts are so bloody annoying.

He's a serial cheat.

It doesn't actually matter whether he had PIV sex with her or not. He still cheated. Up to you what you do with that. Best of luck, OP.

ETA: I've read the whole thread. You've made the right choice getting rid. Things will get better, I promise. You deserve so much more than a cheating wanker of a husband.

It’s an Americanism meaning of no substance. 😊

I am so sorry to read your update @Bellanova - hope you've got some good family support around you. What a total shit.

Honestly OP, you should be glad you’ve found this out as he’s clearly an absolute rat.
I Posted before I saw your latest update and it was obvious you had no intention of leaving him, when of course you should have just based on the incident in Barcelona. It’s a good thing you e found out now about his many betrayals because that seems to have given you the kick up the ass you needed to leave him. Don’t go back, he clearly has no respect for you already and would have even less if you forgave him. Make better choices for yourself and your DC - your ‘D’H doesn’t deserve either of you.

Aaah as in, it's a burger made with nothing? 🤓
(Sorry, I'm derailing the thread. My apologies OP.)

I'm so sorry for you and your baby. You will be better off without him in time and will be a better as a single Mum instead of with a shitty partner like him. What a horrible man!

Have you support like family around? You're in shock now but I'm glad you found the truth out and have kicked him out xx

Just when I think it can’t get any worse it does.
He went to pack his things and I said I wanted free rein of his phone as I don’t believe a word he says.

He has a hidden folder, not only filled with nudes of his own (which I’ve never seen) and nudes of various women. But the worst of all is there is clip maybe 25 seconds of him literally fucking another girl!! You can’t see any faces or anything but I can tell it’s him!!! How disgusting who films that and who lets a guy a film that!!

I’m so gutted for you OP but this is no reflection on you at all. He could be dating the most perfect woman in the world (doesn’t exist anyway) and he’d still cheat. Some people are just like that. I’m so sorry he’s putting you through this heartbreak though. You’ve made the best decision, you’d never trust him again. Every work event you would become a huge ball of anxiety which isn’t fair on you. Focus on you and your baby because that selfish arsehole doesn’t need any headspace. It will be hard at first but time is a healer and you will move on and find someone worth your time.

I'm so sorry. What an absolute ahole. Once you could maybe forgive if it was genuinely a drunken mistake. But to talk about it in the way he did to his friend - as soon as you said that it became clear he was a habitual cheater, and lo and behold you have found the evidence that he is. Don't look back OP, you know you can do so much better. Your child will be better off with a happy mum who isn't constantly looking over her shoulder.