Should I be helping out parent financially?

[Virginrivers]

I’m an only child who was raised by my DM as a single parent. She’s now in her 60s, single, and still works full time in a relatively low-paid job. She’s always been independent and has never asked me for money. She manages to get by after covering her bills and rent, but when unexpected expenses crop up like car repairs or private dental fees (thanks to no NHS dentists!) she often puts off the work entirely due to the costs, or has to get in to debt in order to fund it.

I’m fortunate enough to now have a successful career, earning a low six-figure income, and I live comfortably with my DH who earns a similar amount. I’ve always been v generous with gifts for her on birthdays and at Christmas, but I’ve never offered help with more day-to-day or unexpected costs like the ones mentioned above. I do have costs of my own to pay for (DH and I about to buy a house in London and currently TTC) but technically we do have the funds to help out much more than I do.

AIBU for not doing more to help financially? Would really appreciate your views.

I think it would be nice to offer to help if you can afford it but it really depends on your relationship and your financial set up

Why not ask her if she'd allow you to pay for her private dentistry?

I think that'd be nicer than giving her money (if she'd accept it) and would be really helpful to her

I would offer.

I think I would offer something. Can your DM make any savings? With anything?

Could you cover a dental plan? Play car insurance for the whole year? I would definitely help my mum or siblings on that salary. No questions

I would offer too

Unfortunately not. The cost of living has really hit her hard in terms of having extra cash each month, yet her pay hasn’t reflected the increases (she’s NHS). As it is she doesn’t have internet, or a landline, and generally lives very frugally (shops in supermarket or charity shops for clothing etc.).

I think it would be nice to help her if you can.

If you think she's too proud to accept financial help, maybe offer to put her on your dentistry plan at work or some other made up round about way of help

Without question. I would and could not see my own mother going without something such as a car repair or dental treatment if I could afford to pay for it.

Really can't understand why you haven't helped her out before now to be honest. Poor woman.

Hadn’t thought about the dental plan but that’s a really good idea. Thanks

I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t? Unless there’s some back story here where she was a terrible parent, why would you not ensure your mother had decent medical care if you can afford it?

I would offer. If she doesn't want help she will say No.
It would probs save money in the long run to address repairs (including teeth!) as soon as they arise rather than putting them off.
OK, she's only in her 60s but don't you want to feel you were a good daughter and did what you could for your mum?
And besides, if she owns her own home you'll get it back in due course.

On your salary and with an equally earning high salaried partner I would be giving my mum several hundred pounds a month to make her life more comfortable. She probably went without a lot to ensure you got a good education. I would offer but I would also insist she takes it.

Have you also looked to see whether she is entitled to any benefits to top up her income?

I agree with this! Your poor mum.

Yes absolutely. She’s not a homeowner (not that it matters as I would never be looking to help only with the expectation I eventually get something back).

Yes, definitely 🙂. If you can afford it and you have a good relationship with your mum, why would you not?

She might refuse, but it would be good to offer.

You say she "gets by" but does she have a savings buffer? Maybe you could open a joint account with her and put a small amount in each month. If she won't spend it, then it's still in your name as well to dip into if you need it in the future.

I couldn't live an affluent life and leave my Mother living in poverty.

She did make a lot of sacrifices and get herself into debt when I was younger in order to give me a good childhood, it’s something I’ve really been thinking about lately, hence the post. I think I’ve not done enough sadly

I was about to write something similar.
OP, she cared for you and spent her hard earned money on you until you grew up and left home, now is the time for you to do the same. You should be offering these things and more, how rude and cold

I absolutely would. I would never see my mum suffer.

I think I would give her a gift of money for birthday, Mothers day or whatever and say thanks for being your Mum, & she can use it however she wants. what a nice daughter you are.

I think this is unfair. OP is clearly concerned about her mother and wants to think about how to support her.

In a heartbeat, and long before now.
Strange that you haven't.