Bumping into your childhood bully - AIBU?

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I was horrendously bullied in secondary school, for no reason other than I am ND and struggle to fit in. I was left terrified of going near school, and for years refused to socialise. Even now I find my peers a bit scary. The worst thing was that they laughed at my name - which is a perfectly ordinary name, and the one my mam chose - but I hated being called my name for a very long time. They’d sing songs at me, throw food at me. I had to hide at lunch behind a wall.

That was nearly 20 years ago, we’re all now in our 30s. I now live 300 miles away from the miserable cesspit I grew up in. I very rarely go ‘home’.

I went ‘home’ this week to see relatives, and had to nip into the local shop I went to as a teenager.

One of the worst of the group still works there, countless years later. She looks 15 years older than me, she looked tired and miserable, clearly smokes 30 a day, and to be blunt, she’s the same size as I am.

Meanwhile I have a senior professional role. I have a good group of friends. I’m respected at my job and in my personal life. I’ve got two degrees, and I’m happy. Not happy all day every day, but mostly, I’m content.

I saw the woman who made my life hell, and walked straight past her. Everything she and her friends did to me, I’m now the one who’s laughing. AIBU to feel a bit smug?

Perhaps she’s happy and comfortable in her job and I think I should wish her all the best - I highly doubt she remembers anything about me now - not worth wasting my time thinking about it, perhaps.

I can well believe that from some of the midwives I have experienced. They aren't all caring believe me

There's one thing though that I feel so bad about. Someone was mean to be in year 9, I then went OTT and said and did really horrible things to make fun of him about his family. And I feel so bad for what I did. Thing is we actually became friends in 6th form. We both apologised for our silly squabbles in lower school and we got along really well. I gave a thorough apology and it was genuinely accepted.

Nothing wrong with enjoying a little bit of karma, imo. YANBU 💐

Wow, so much hate in this thread.

Be proud of what you have achieved after adversity. Who knows what the bully's home life was or is like.

Or they are actually sadists who enjoy harming vulnerable people 🤷‍♀️

I only hold resentment towards the bullying from primary. In secondary, by 6th form all those silly squabbles went away and I got along with so many people that I used not to.

Someone did beat me up in primary, I was happy to hear that he got bullied so so badly in high school that he had to leave and change school. I later checked and that new school was a shit school that later closed down. He was very stupid (and really ugly to look it). I'd love to thank the people that bullied him.

I love seeing my childhood bully she’s got five kids who she’s always screaming at, her other half left her for someone younger, she needs her roots doing badly, she left school with no qualifications and has never had a job she can’t drive and she lives on the worst street in town. She’s clearly miserable and yes it’s small and petty of me but I look at her and I feel good because comparatively I am a complete success. Obvs I’m not a nice person for feeling this way but I do not care, I’m a nice person in most other ways. It makes me feel better about being bullied from reception to sixthform when I see her so miserable it’s not the same kind of misery she doled out for over a decade but she’s not happy and that’s exactly what she deserves. Her kids make me feel sad though because they are borderline neglected with social services involvement from birth.

I hope you made some snide remark about how shit her life is

No course I didn’t, i don’t need to she knows.

Yes I can understand your feelings and I dont blame you for feeling that
Aa you said her life is shit anyway no need to rub salt in the wounds it makes you a better person.

My daughter was horrifically bullied at secondary school. It led to an eating disorder and severe mental health issues. I removed her from the school and she eventually went back into education in a different town, regained her confidence and blossomed. She also removed herself entirely from any social media and cut contact with everybody she'd ever known. It was really bloody tough.

Now in her mid 20's, she has a fabulous job and lives in a beautiful flat in London. She's gorgeous to look at and is kind and generous. While I am aware that the scars are still there, the pride I feel that she's stuck a finger up at the nasty malicious bitches who made her life an absolute misery is huge.

I see some of her bullies as I am still in our home town. None of them can look at me, none of them have done anything with their lives. A few look at my daughter's work insta "stories" and have tried to say hi. She ignores them completely. I can never understand how anybody can get pleasure out of making somebody else's life a misery and driving them to near suicide. You reap what you sow in life.

No, it doesn't depend. Bullying or looking down on people because of some supposed superiority is never justified. Do you think 'slim' people have the monopoly on being good people? What is a better job? Do you think you are better than someone else because they work in a shop? Do a cleaning job? What does it mean to come out on top. If having a well paid job was everything there would be no divorces, suicide of mental health issue amongst those with 'better' jobs.

I am not telling her how she should feel. She asked if she was being unreasonable. I responded to that Q and stand by what I said. It isn't your job to police my response. The only inauthentic person here is you, the wannabe thread police. Jog on.

OMG love this one!!!

I was horribly bullied at infants and junior school by a girl and a boy. The girl is now dead and the boy a little ferret of a junkie and I'm glad for they made my school years a living hell. What I really wish however is that it didn't happen. This was about 55 years ago.

Who cares !! Were you viciously bullied? If not you have no right to make such remarks.

No fuck that. There is no excuse AT ALL for making somebody else's life absolute hell. None.

Don't feel bad op - I had a similar experience. Met with the bully when I was dressed up on my way out and looking my best. Her, not so much.

She recognised me and said hello. I looked her up and down and made a really unpleasant comment ( not saying what it is on here). Her face crumpled and that gave me no end of satisfaction. She shouldn't have been such a bitch. Will listen to no one with the be kind shit. She made years of my life hell - she only has to deal with one nasty comment. Luckily I haven't come across her again!

@Trolleysaregoodforemployment did you read my post at all?! I don't look down my nose at people bigger than me - the bullies looked down their nose at me (by which I mean it was just one of the many things they said to me relentlessly on a daily basis for about 3 years) being bigger than them in high school and now they are much bigger than me. So by their book what does that mean?

Actually yes....racially and physically

Then you are a remarkable person to be concerned with bullies home life.

I did read it. They posted in AIBU, not an echo chamber.

Good for you. If she can dish it out then she can bloody well take it too.

A bully made my partner's life an absolute misery for about 3 years of secondary. It still affects him now.

When we needed a major redeveloping of a property we used to own, the bully was one of the people sent by a building firm to quote for the job.

Partner clocked him straight away, told him no matter what the quote, they weren't getting the very lucrative contract, and told him why.

My son gets bullied because he's "different", I remind him that the chances are one day those bullies will work for people like my son. Because bullies rarely amount to much in the real world.

I evicted my bully. I didn't make the connection between him and the name (was a fairly common 1980s name) until I turned up to the court hearing to represent my company and there he was. He looked exactly the same, was involved in drugs and crime and on a social housing property owned over £8k in rent. I did feel satisfied when the judge gave the possession order.