To think she should drop the single parent label in these circumstances?

[Ynhj]

Before I say what I want to say it’s important that I make it really clear that I have huge respect for single parents. I can’t begin to imagine it all falling on you and nobody there to share the load. I’m not trying to minimise that here but I do feel with my sister it’s very different.

She works Monday to Thursday while her child is in nursery. She has Friday off with her child and then her ex collects on Saturday morning and spends the weekend doing what my sister says… if she wants to join then she does, if she wants to go out she does, if she wants to do zero parenting all weekend then that’s what happens. Anytime she needs her hair doing or nails or to meet a friend etc she can, whilst also having a full day a week with her toddler and enjoying the weeknights without the stress of being a SAHP. Her ex pays her loads and covers all the costs and more. She has openly admitted she uses the surplus half for their child’s savings and half for herself. In practice this means her food for the month or her hair and nails paid for.

In contrast I have two dc and don’t work. I have a very hands on dh but it’s rare I get two days of a weekend to do what I fancy. It does happen but it takes planning and certainly not every week! Despite this my sister is constantly on about being a single parent and how she has found ways to manage it, comparing herself to me when I am struggling with two and our situations are very different. AIBU to think she needs to stop talking about herself as a single parent? I think it’s insulting to actual single parents and to people like me who are struggling despite not being single because we don’t have the luxury of full weekends off parenting and nursery in the week!

You quoted me 1st so maybe you are the one mis reading things but i’ll keep playing the game as i’m bored.

how the hell could i in anyway be jealous of op? I’m not even jealous of her sister and her wonderful life and freedom the op has told us all about. 🙄

op needs to get a grip and sort her own life out. Most parents of young children don’t get 2 days a week to themselves. Thats the reality of a young family. Weekends often revolve around the kids - parties, trips out, activities whatever. Some 2 parent families negotiate between them “days off” where one has a lie in or one takes the kids out for the day and the other does as they like. The op has a DH who is a wonderful father and husband so that shouldn’t be hard to arrange?

Alternatively as has been pointed out she could leave him, become a single parent too and have 2 days off from her children every weekend? Join her sister in the life she envies so much.

she is a single parent and looks after her child all week whilst also working 4 days. At the weekend she co-parents amicably with her ex or takes some time to herself. Why on earth would you have a problem with this? Also, it sounds likes she and her ex have a good arrangement and are giving their child a stable and caring upbringing which is most important.

No one is suggesting seriously that OP leaves her husband, surely you know that. They’re just trying to point out how ridiculous OP is being. It’s a little like saying ‘I’m so jealous of my friend who has no car and commutes to work 4 hours a day because she gets to read a book whilst I have to concentrate on my driving for 20 minutes each way. Where is my time to read a book? It’s so unfair!’ I’m being a flippant arse here but surely you get the sentiment? And it’s not a case of disbelieving the OP, it’s a case of disagreeing after believing everything she said. People aren’t actually against OP feeling the way she’s feeling, it’s not easy being a SAHM either, they’re pointing out that how she’s feeling actually has nothing to do with her sister’s situation and trying to make her consider the fact that she too could have such an ‘amazing life’ if she was divorced and working full time.

Here’s an idea: why not divorce your husband and follow in your sister’s footsteps? You’d have every other weekend to yourself! 😂😁

But on a more serious note, it seems like this isn’t really about her being a “single parent.” It feels more like you’re a bit envious of the freedom she has—the kind of freedom you might be craving but can’t fully enjoy because you have two children.

The bigger question is: are you truly happy with your life and family? Because I’d wager that, despite all her so-called freedom, your sister would probably trade in to have the stability and completeness of a family....

This is what stood out to me

“ I have two dc and don’t work. I have a very hands on dh but it’s rare I get two days of a weekend to do what I fancy. It does happen but it takes planning and certainly not every week!”

I wonder what you are really unhappy about in your life OP? What aren’t you saying?

Because based on what you’ve written, there is no apparent reason to be so bitter about your sister’s life.

I don't think anyone would ever call a married person a single parent. It's just not correct.
You may well have been raising your children pretty much on your own, but you were (are?) still married.
I presume he contributed financially and even if you didn't see him, were in contact such that you could make decisions about your children?
Even people on space missions communicate with their loved ones.

I am by no means suggesting that thing were easy for you, but factually speaking you were not a single parent.

You sound jealous to be honest.

But yeh I don’t know, I’m not sure you can say she isn’t a single parent - she’s not the stereotype. However I never figured the criteria for being a single parent was how much support, money etc you were given. I’m not sure ! I get what you mean though - she can’t play the single parent card. My Mum has done this recently with me comparing her “plight” to my own. I calculated that by todays money my Dad was paying her the average wage. Not the same thing to my situation & was so irritated when I realised.

I don’t think anyone is jealous of OP. She sounds pretty miserable, resentful and burned out tbh, I feel bad for her. People are just trying to point out that her sister is not the cause of how she’s feeling.

Can you define and expand upon what exactly ‘the single parent card’ is please?

YABU and sound very jealous. She is no longer with her partner and lives alone with her child. That is exactly what a single parent is. Just because her ex does more than the token bare minimum many of us have come to expect does not make her any less of a single parent. What if she worked full time and paid for a nanny to cover the periods she wasn't there? What if she had parents who looked after her child so she could have the odd night out or weekend to herself? Would you consider her a single parent then? She sounds like she's got a bit of life balance - caring for her child, successfully co-parenting AND managing to get some time to herself, making her a happier parent overall.

She is a single parent. The fact she manages well has nothing to do with her partnership status. Is a lucky single parent if you compare with those have to do it all with not help around.
Co parenting for me is 50/50 custody or a very similar arrangement.

THIS in abundance. I know single parents who do all the parenting (emotionally/financially/practically) with no help and others who represent what you describe. And I know some 'single parents' who aren't single but are for the purposes of benefit claims. That isn't meant to be sarcastic but is a statement of fact.

Sorry I replied to the wrong person there, my apologies.

I always thought a single parent is a parent that doesn't have a coparent (or one that doesn't fulfil their parenting role at all). Not a parent that is not in a relationship with the other parent. But, seems like I'm wrong on the definition?

Well exactly, if he was having the children every weekend like in the post we are discussing he would be a co parent.

There is a difference between single and lone IMO.

Technically I'm a single parent, but when I need people to know that there is no coparent I say I am a lone parent.

comparing herself to me when I am struggling with two and our situations are very different.

I think this is where the problem lies. Your sister appears to have quite an easy time of it - can work, can spend time with her child when she pleases, can do stuff for herself like nails and gets quality time to herself and only has one child which is far easier than multiple children.. She has the best of all worlds. Where as you are a full time mum doing it all and nobody really noticing.

Im in the same situation as you and I know somebody who is similar sounding to your sister with one child.

I think the problems aren’t the differences between your lives because they are personal choices you and her have made for yourselves, it’s the fact that she is making you feel less than her by comparing herself to you and implying she has it harder and can manage, and then making you feel like crap. You know she doesn’t have it harder or even equal to you and that’s what makes it feel unfair. The person I know has made snidey comments to me like that in the past and in my head I’m left counting to 10 because if I let out what I was thinking I’d end up offending others around me in the process IYSWIM.

Of course she's a single mother!
She juggling work and childcare then doing bedtime by herself four days a week, every week. Then she has a day with her daughter. She's lucky that she has a supportive ex and can get a break at weekends but I should think Mondays to Fridays are pretty exhausting.
Seeing as you're a SAHM, perhaps you could offer to help with her busy weekday schedule?

She's a single parent, and that Monday-Thursday bit juggling work and nursery on her own will be bloody tough, we found it hard enough with two of us. Ease up on the judging.

She is technically a single parent. I’m afraid you are jealous op. If you are in fact happy with your life, crack on and stop looking at other people. If you are not in fact happy, do something about it..

If she is solely responsible for keeping a roof over her and her kids head, in terms of bills, rent/mortgage etc, then yes she is a single parent for that part