To think she should drop the single parent label in these circumstances?

[Ynhj]

Before I say what I want to say it’s important that I make it really clear that I have huge respect for single parents. I can’t begin to imagine it all falling on you and nobody there to share the load. I’m not trying to minimise that here but I do feel with my sister it’s very different.

She works Monday to Thursday while her child is in nursery. She has Friday off with her child and then her ex collects on Saturday morning and spends the weekend doing what my sister says… if she wants to join then she does, if she wants to go out she does, if she wants to do zero parenting all weekend then that’s what happens. Anytime she needs her hair doing or nails or to meet a friend etc she can, whilst also having a full day a week with her toddler and enjoying the weeknights without the stress of being a SAHP. Her ex pays her loads and covers all the costs and more. She has openly admitted she uses the surplus half for their child’s savings and half for herself. In practice this means her food for the month or her hair and nails paid for.

In contrast I have two dc and don’t work. I have a very hands on dh but it’s rare I get two days of a weekend to do what I fancy. It does happen but it takes planning and certainly not every week! Despite this my sister is constantly on about being a single parent and how she has found ways to manage it, comparing herself to me when I am struggling with two and our situations are very different. AIBU to think she needs to stop talking about herself as a single parent? I think it’s insulting to actual single parents and to people like me who are struggling despite not being single because we don’t have the luxury of full weekends off parenting and nursery in the week!

Just to add, it can actually be quite painful not to be with the father or mother of your child anymore. I’m sure I’m time he will meet someone else and she will go through that and watching her child have a stop mother etc so maybe that will make you feel a little better to see her in pain?

YABU for about 10 different reasons, including thinking that - as someone with a partner and the ability to stay at home with your children fulltime - it's your place to tell a single parent what they can call themselves.

If you're that jealous then leave your husband and get a job?

Yes the OP said it and she us going to say that as some sort of pathetic justification for her jealousy.

whether the sister does or doesn’t actually “go on & on” is irrelevant - op needs to change her own life if she unhappy.

She could always leave her husband and have every weekend off and then they could “go on and on” together

This. If the sister never opened her mouth. It wouldn’t change OP’s situation or how she feels about it.

This. OP, you sound small minded and bitter.

You have no idea what being a single parent actually involves.

Ffs, I’d say you’ve got it pretty easy if this is all you’ve got to complain about.

She’s not with the child’s father - quite literally the definition of a single parent.

Maybe she’s struggling or lonely not having another adult with her.

Anyway, quit the jealousy and if you’re not happy, as someone said above get a job and put your child in nursery.

So split with your partner and make sure he takes the kids every weekend. Then you'll be equal! But you'd have to get a job.
Honestly how ridiculous to be jealous of your sister.
I was a completely Lone parent but mine went to their GP's one night a week. Did it make single parenthood easy, no it made it survivable. Be careful what you wish for.

Why are you and others so invested in OP leaving her husband who is a good father and husband?

If you’re going to disbelieve the OP then what’s the point of even engaging with her thread?

Jesus. Sibling rivalry's a bit much innit.

You need some counselling OP, your jealousy of your sister is ridiculous. And horrible.

If your sister is constantly comparing her situation to yours, then it's not surprising you are also comparing the two.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You and your sister would do far better to support one another, recognise the different struggles each has, celebrate the luck you each have rather than envy part of one another's set up.

She is a single parent, albeit one who's ex fortunately contributes financially and with childcare. She is working 4 days a week - that is not easy - and coming home to solo parent each evening, get the child and her up and out every morning for work and nursery alone.

You have chosen to stay home with your DC rather than work, presumably because that works for your family. You have a hands on DH, there is no reason you can't arrange to have child free time at weekends for nail appointments or whatever.
I mean, if you think she has it so good, you could divorce your H and get a job to emulate your sister's arrangement?

You don’t even have a job, have an admittedly hands-on husband and yet you’re struggling and complaining? 🤦🏽‍♀️
She is literally a single parent; do you think it only counts if they’re poor and unhappy?

Why are you and others so invested in OP leaving her husband who is a good father and husband?

Think people are being sarcastic TBH. Seeing as how the OP is so envious of the life of Riley of her single parent sister.

Thanks not really sure what went on with my DM but my DC are at Uni now. It was extremely hard when they were little and the odd hour to myself or a night out with DH every few months would have made a world of difference (especially as she did so much for my DSIS on a regular basis. But my DM could never see the unfairness of the situation and how much that hurt.

I think my DM always preferred my DSIS to me as she was the baby of the family and DM enjoyed feeling needed. DSIS tapped into this so DM had no time or inclination to help me out occasionally or even visit or spend any time with me and my DC.

If I ever said anything. I got well she is on her own she doesn’t have a man behind her and I can’t let her down or DN down. But she seemed perfectly capable of letting me and my DC down on a regular ongoing basis and no qualms or apologies about doing so.

OP with your sister you just have to do you and let your sister be. No joy or benefit will come by doing or thinking otherwise either on this forum or in real life.

are you the op?

If he’s such a good father and husband then why does she never get a break or a chance to get her hair done?

why are you “engaging” with the thread just to keep quoting me? people are offering the op advice. Her sisters life is not hers. She is jealous of it so she must he unhappy in her own.

so she can get a job and use nursery like her sister does. Or leave her husband and have full weekends away from her children like her sister does. Or ask her wonderful husband / father to take a turn of a day off on a weekend. Her sisters “luck” doesn’t define her life - she is a sahp and she can change her lifestyle, regardless of her sisters.

Maybe you need to have a chat with your DH to see what he can do to alleviate the "stress of being a SAHP".

She didn’t say she doesn’t get a break, she said she doesn’t get two days a week to herself.

I didn’t ‘keep quoting’ you. YOU quoted me, or did you forget that as well as forgetting so many details from the OP? 😂

You sound jealous of OP.

It’s not a competition about who has it hardest you know. Especially not with your own sister!

Rather than being bitter that she’s got things set up well, why not be happy for her. You know, like a sister should.

And maybe look at what you could do to make your set up work better for you.

I mean you could get a job and see how that works for you?

I always like the phrase about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.

She is a single parent. She is not a l9ne parent.

I think you are confusing terminology.

Single parent - a parent without a live in partner but who's ex is still involved with the kids

Lone parent - parents entirely alone, no ex on scene

Until my now dh moved in inwas a single parent and had been for 7 years. Dd's dad is involved, has her probably 30% of the time pays fairly. Ut I was a single parent.

Sounds like there's some jealousy issues between yourself and your sister.

Hmm , gently YABU - as what you mean is it doesn’t seem that she’s a single parent who is struggling. Where as you are in a happy relationship but sometimes struggle to get any time to yourself (as many parents do!).

I understand your frustration with her if she does go on about having it really tough - but she still counts as a single parent. She could just as easily argue that there are other single parents who have it even easier than her - the super wealthy ones who can afford a Nanny 24/7 for a start. Imo it doesn’t help to compare yourself to others if you can try to avoid it.

That was terribly unfair to you and I could sense and element of favouritism ☹️. That is shortsighted and hurtful behaviour from your mom.

Sou ds like her ex gets to be 'fun daddy' and your DSis does all the drudge work of drop offs, bedtimes etc by herself. She deserves her weekends off.

That's how a failed relationship that has children should work, just because the father of the child does his bit, that doesn't mean she's not a lone or single parent, she is, so is he (if he's single) because they parent the child on their own during their time with the child (with joint decisions as necessary).

The social default and expectations when hearing single parent has become one parent buggering off and dropping all their responsibility, leaving it to the other one, but that doesn't make people in a situation that doesn't happen not a single parent.

This is a really interesting post.

Struggling at moment as 8 year old home for Summer holidays (Aus) and will not leave my side or go to his Dad’s for longer than a night or holiday care.

I do get money from ex husband but it’s inconsistent and doesn’t cover easily what I need.

Currently trying to talk my son into after school care so I have more work opportunities.

Never considered that with successful co parenting life is so much easier. I do compare myself to single Mums that have it together but you just never know the advantages they might have.