To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

[bannsise]

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

You gave your DD her name, it's her choice what to call herself.

Call her ee-sa. Her feelings on this take precedent. Maintaing a relationship with your adult DC is in the balance.

We have family names. My sibling did not like it. From when they went into the world as an adult, they have asked people to call them something related to their proper name. They get to choose their own name and identity.

Just keep it up OP and you will solve your own problem. She will break off contact with you and you won't need to call her anything.

I really think you need to step off this hill. Why wouldn't you call your adult child by their preferred name? It feels petty and self centred 'well, I named her so I get to do what I want '. And all for such a minor change. My three have all changed the names they go by, two of them drastically. It's fine because I don't feel.I own them.

It's entirely possible to pronounce 'eesa' without using an Italian accent.

Think of the Italian words that we commonly use in English - panini, pepperoni, broccoli etc etc

We don't say them in an Italian accent.

Yabu.

I’m assuming she’s Italian and Isa pronounced that way would be common. I actually think it’s pretty. You should call her what she wishes if it’s important to her. That said I have names more all my children that really only I call them. And of course their full name when I’m reprimanding 😜 Mothers privilege.

Well, having read your replies OP, clearly this isn't about the name, is it?

This only makes it worse, you know. You gave her a name that has a totally different sound in her own accent/language and insisted on saying it a way that is foreign to her and everyone around her.

Then you left her at 16, moved abroad, and are still pissing about with the name.

Exactly this.

I think the most important question is, how much do you want this situation to effect your relationship with your daughter? It's a name. Yes, you chose her name, and you think it's pretty BUT now as an adult she clearly doesn't feel that way. The more you dig your heels in, and refuse to respect her wishes, you will start having a fractured relationship with her. It may be that she prefers the pronunciation that her Dad uses, it probably sounds a bit more exotic. Is it the fact she prefers her Dad's pronunciation to yours, that's the real issue here? I don't know, only you know the answer to that question. Isabella can be shorted in a variety of ways - Isa, Izzy, Bell, Bella. Most people use the shortened version of my name, which actually can be confusing as it's used for several girls names starting with the same three letters! My Aunt used to add a Y to the shortened version, which I absolutely hated!!! If I introduce myself, I always use my full name, so there's no confusion over what my actual full name is. For your daughter's sake, you need to let this go.

Do you want her to think of you the way some people are talking about their mothers on here, on this thread?

You have a choice whether to be ‘that’ mother, or her mother. They are very different things.

How would you like it if she started calling you Dad? Or Enid? Just respect her wishes and be grateful she hasn’t changed it to Nigel.

I wrote: She claims it would be embarrassing to be British when her own mother is British? Eee-sa sounds like she's in her twat era.

I specifically referred to her insulting her mother's nationality. Nothing to do with her name. Reading comprehension is a valuable skill!

Call her the name she wants

??? It’s not a fake accent, it’s a legitimate pronunciation of a name, just not your pronunciation.

She’s an adult, the name belongs to her, not to you. Don’t die on this hill.

The mother who left her at 16 and makes a huge fuss about calling her daughter her own name....I can see why the DD is embarrassed.

It is a valuable skill...nuance matters.

You said "Eee-sa sounds like she's in her twat era," thus clearly mocking her choice of name.

Thanks for the tip on reading comprehension; allow me to reciprocate: being sanctimonious on the internet makes one sound like an insufferable twat.

She's an adult, I think you should call her Isa if that's what she wants.
The pronunciation of Isabella is just about accents though, you can't say it like her dad does or it would sound weird like you're trying to put on an accent

Of course you're being unreasonable, and to be honest you sound quite bitter and awful about it. Your daughter is an adult, and if you make this your hill to die on I suspect you'll end up with her very low contact, if that.

What complete nonsense.

The OP's daughter did not grow up in the UK and does not consider herself British. The pronunciation she uses is the normal pronunciation where she lives.

Another one who can't read! I referred to her insulting her mother's nationality as being twat-ish. Nothing to do with her name.

And insulting the very essence of your own mother by saying that you'd be embarrassed to be the same nationality as her is REALLY twattish behaviour.

Once again for the people in the cheap seats: It's the INSULT that's twattish, not her chosen name!

I agree. Call your daughter what she wants to be called.

Tell her of course you will do your best to respect her choice but if you get it wrong can she give you a little leeway as you aren’t trying to disrespect her it is just a hard habit to break. I do think maybe there is something deeper that you both need to look at in your relationship if she’s getting this angry with you over a simple name pronunciation.

@bannsise

I am always baffled by the selfishness of some parents…

i mean any loving (unconditionnally), supporting and caring parent would of course respect the wishes of their adult child.

we want to resilient, opinionated and independant children with self confidence to tackle the world, it STARTS at home. Let them find their voice and use it.

we parents have to listen, you may not understand. You may not accept. But we have to respect it.

I was unsure about this at first. But after reading your update that she grew up in Italy and wants her name pronounced the Italian way, is a fully grown adult, then I think YABU. You have to respect that your daughter is her own person, you don't own her so you don't get to decide what she's called. You sound a bit deliberately antagonistic.

As someone who changed her first name by deed poll with the full support of my parents and siblings; my stance is anyone who called me by my birth name deliberately wouldn't get to do it for long because I would just stop seeing them.

She has asked you to call her by a name her Dad uses and I wonder if that is the reason you are standing strong on this. It makes perfect sense to call her Ee-sa. She won't want to hear Isabella so she might just distance herself from you.