To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

[bannsise]

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

She claims it would be embarrassing to be British when her own mother is British? Eee-sa sounds like she's in her twat era.

It's her name now. She can be asked to be called whatever she wants, and as her mother you should respect that.

I have a very dear friend who was called Izzy through childhood and now prefers Isa pronounced Ee-sa like your daughter. We just do what she wants to be honest.

That changes things.
If your pronunciation of the name is not the normal pronounce for her and where she's from, then you haven't a leg to stand on.

It's not putting on a fake accent though. If you met a different woman with that name and pronunciation you'd say it correctly right?

Don't make this a hill to die on, it will be lonely and bleak up there.
I don't go by my given name. Certain people refuse to call me anything other than that and I can't tell you how little I respect them for refusing to make such a minute change. Obviously I don't mind the occasional slip up, but wantonly refusing to use it is just shitty.

I'd tread very carefully here OP, from your updates I'd imagine leaving your daughter at 16 has massively damaged your relationship. Arguing over her preferred nickname and digging your feet in could be the final nail in the coffin.

I think the difference between a British pronunciation of Isa, and what she wants "ee-sa" is just accent and I do think she's being a little unreasonable there. I mean, it wouldn't hurt you to try, but I have a good friend who is French and she pronounces my name with a French accent so the vowel sound is different. I don't think she's not using my name, it just sounds different coming from her.

As I say, it wouldn't hurt you to try but I do think that what she's asking is that you don't say her name in a your normal (to you) accent, which I do think is a bit precious tbh.

You should shorten it and stop using Isabella if that's what she wants though.

So if you met an Italian woman with that name you’d use your own pronunciation of it?

Hard to think why this young woman is embarrassed at the idea of being British when her British mother’s excuse for not calling her by the name she prefers is that it takes “an accent” to pronounce ee-sa

It's not a fake accent, it's the correct pronunciation of her name in her country, language and culture! It's really weird that you're being precious about this. It would be no hardship for you whatsoever to just pronounce it the way she wants and is used to.

Your dd is an Italian woman asking you to call her by her name. Ffs.

Personally I’d go with it, she could easily change her name by deed poll to something completely different.

when my parents die I am going to change my name by deed poll from Isabella to Izzy, even my parents call me Izzy, I don’t like Isabella and I forget I have to use it at the bank etc, my dr’s call me it and I don’t feel they are talking to me and when called forward by Isabella I often don’t respond.

Can you compromise on the long form Ee-sa-bella, personally I really like it and if you pronounce it softly it doesn't sound so different IMO. I'm not that keen on Ee-sa either but I'm not sure it's worth falling out with your DD over is it? It is still the name you gave her, just how it's pronounced where she lives.

I think it’s very hard to change a name if that’s what you’ve always called someone. His siblings and I call my DS by a nickname that is not used by the rest of the world who use a different abbreviation of his name - fortunately for us, he doesn’t seem to mind!

So she was born and raised in Italy, and has lived there all of her life. Presumably everyone in her social circle uses "her" pronunciation, the only one who doesn't is her British mother (who if I'm reading it right, left her in Italy when she was 16 to so she go back to Britain...).

You can choose this hill to die on if you want OP, but I wouldn't expect your DD to have much contact with you if you do!

Twat era? What are you on about? The woman was brought up in Italy, where the correct pronunciation is Ee-sa; her dad has always called her Ee-sa; everyone else she knows calls her Ee-sa. This isn't a new "era" for her, nor is it being a twat.

Well that’s an interesting one. My DS works with a lady called Dorothea. Everyone calls her Dorothee-a. But where she is from, her name would be pronounced -Dorotaya.

I presume she’s never asked her co-workers to use her original pronunciation as every client who met her would have to be told what it was etc.

Why do you have to put on an accent. It's easy to say Ee-sa in a 'normal' voice. This is how her name is shorted in the country she's grown up in and lives. Pick your battles.

Well you’ve got two choices. Continue calling her Isabella or Bella and piss her off, or call her Isa and don’t piss her off. Up to you.

It's not a fake accent though is it?

You named her an Italian name when she was born in Italy. She lived in Italy. Her name is Isabella and she's asking you to just put some effort into pronouncing it properly.

I also take back what I said about ee-sa sounding odd and pretentious. I didn't realise she was Italian and had always lived in Italy. Bit of a drip-feed there!

She claims it would be embarrassing to be British when her own mother is British? Eee-sa sounds like she's in her twat era.

Is this the kind of reaction you wanted @bannsise ? To have people support you by insulting you daughter who was born and raised in a country where the pronunciation of her name is standard, because you can’t bear to acknowledge she’s a grown woman who identifies with the culture she was raised with?

There are certainly twats on this thread and it’s not your daughter.

Well that’s the point isn’t it, she’s never asked anyone to use the other pronunciation. The OP’s daughter has. I’m sure if Dorothea asked people to use her preferred pronunciation, they’d make an effort to do so.

I think that if you had a close relationship she would find your 'mispronounciation' endearing. You could have laughed it off by saying 'sorry, that's just my accent'. Instead of that you are digging your heels in saying that you are right and everyone else is wrong - the English accent is correct and the Italian accent is wrong. There's nothing endearing about that.