To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

[bannsise]

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

What hole are you trying to fill with this behaviour? There must be something missing from your life if you need to have this much control over what another adult is called, so much so that you’ll argue with them, start a mumsnet thread and refuse to do as this adult has asked. Very odd behaviour.

OP what do you think the consequences will be for your relationship if you ignore her wishes and continue to call her Isabella, and are those consequences worth it to you?

You’re being highly unreasonable, op

YABU

BUT if she spells it 'Isa' does she not get called eye-suh or ih-zuh? Ee-zuh wouldn't be my instinct from that spelling.

If she were your adult friend, and corrected your pronunciation of her name, you'd go along with it, right? There's obviously history here, but I would just let it go. It's not worth the power play.

Compromise. Try and call her Isa regularly. Sprinkle Isabella throughout and claim ‘Mum privilege’!

Please don't do this. It's far more respectful to call her what she wants to be called. You'll only build more resentment if you continue to call her what you want, even if it's only sporadically. You won't be "winning".

Of course it does hurt a bit, you chose her name carefully and she has now chosen to prefer her dad's version. It's one of those things that can't be helped and for the sake of staying on the best possible terms with her, just call her as she asks you to do.

I live in the uk now, but DD was born abroad and I was never able to get her back to the uk with me (as any court would rule she should stay where she is ordinarily resident). I obviously stayed in the same country as her until she was 16. I appreciate “ee-as” is a relatively normal nickname in the country she is from but that’s not what I named her!

My mum insists on calling me my full name and she was and is the only one to do so. I just think she's a dickhead and we take the piss out of her behind her back about it. It's a control thing.

Up to you.

She doesn’t live in the uk, the pronunciations she uses are normal in the country she is in.

Just go along with her wishes. She's an adult.

You gave her the name but it’s now HER name to do with as she wishes. You don’t get to keep ownership of someone else’s name!

but that’s not what I named her!
it's a shortened version it's not like she's asked to be called Stephen!!
You are being beyond ridiculous and petulant, do you think everybody loves the name their parents chose?

How will you ever cope with that. Stop acting like a child.

She’s 22 she can choose what she’d prefer to be called tbh? You don’t respect her. You’re thinking of yourself here and how you feel, yes perhaps disappointing she doesn’t like the apparent ‘lovely’ name you picked out it’s not great imo so I see how she feels. We are all entitled to like different things. She wants to be called Eesa which also isn’t great imo but it’s her name and her life. Just suck it up or you’ll ruin a relationship over it.

My parents named me Alexandra but everyone calls me Alex 🤷🏻‍♀️. Loads of people use versions of their name that aren’t their actual birth name. You didn’t name her Bella either but were happy to call her your preferred shortening. You’re just not happy to use hers/her father’s shortening.
I suspect this is more sour grapes about her father than it is about the name.

Given how identifying the pronunciation is, you won’t have any problems calling her anything if she discovers this thread.

So far you’ve opened your adult daughter up to being ridiculed over the pronunciation which has cultural significance and value to her, it being implied that she’s shallow, pretentious and pathetic, and all so you can validate your weird power play with adult women who are enjoying throwing insults at a total stranger for wanting to be called the name she identifies with.

It’s not really a mystery why she might identify with her father’s culture and be embarrassed to be British really, is it, if this is how you behave.

So she lives in eg Spain, wants to use the local pronunciation and you're refusing?

This doesn't reflect well on you, I'm afraid

It's her name, not yours. This just seems such a pointless thing to argue about.

It does not matter that you chose her name originally. She's now chosen to be called by a shortened version. It's her choice, you really should respect that.

Save the full name for when she's done something that annoys you, or you want to tell her off.

I think this is quite an important point - so I’m changing my earlier view! If that’s what she grew up with, then I can see her point.

But I’m sorry that she’s so hostile to one part of her heritage - yes, we all know the UK has problems, but she does seem to be being almost deliberately provocative to you, OP.

It’s her name. You gave it to her, now it belongs to her. You should respect her wishes.

Italy. I don’t feel like I should put on a fake accent when saying my own child’s name that seems very odd!

I honestly can't comprehend what the big deal is? You're making a massive mountain out of a mole hill all because you insist on being able to call her a name you're so hell bent on preaching how you're the one who picked it.

It's her name. She is the one that responds to it. She is the one that uses it. She will introduce herself as Isa. Just respect her wishes and call her by the name she has asked you to.

You should respect her wishes which might change over time anyway. This is not a hill to die on.
I prefer my full name to a common shortening and if people don’t use my full name I just correct them. Frequent users are ignored but tbh people respect my wishes.

She's a 22 year old woman...