To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

[bannsise]

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

You chose the name and GAVE it to her so it's now her name.
It seems really mean to not take your DD's wishes on board.
I really can't see why you'd want to force this matter, I can't see how it will end well for you

But it’s her name, why can’t you go with what she wants?

You are not being unreasonable to, quietly & to yourself, feel a little sad that the name you chose has been somewhat shelved - there is a lot of emotion attached to picking your baby’s name so I get that!

However, you are being unreasonable to ignore your adult daughter’s wishes, it’s not your name and no longer your choice!
For what it’s worth I purposely chose names for my children which cannot be abbreviated because I wanted them to be named the name I chose! All well and good until about the second year of primary when their friends start giving them nicknames regardless of how easy or difficult it is to abbreviate the name! One of my children couldn’t care less what nickname people use so some of the nicknames stuck, the other will correct people to use their full name.
it is what it is, they’re people with autonomy who get to choose for themselves!

You gave her a name. She's now an adult and can decide exactly what she wants to be called. To disrespect that is rude and, quite frankly, a bit controlling. Crack on as you are if you want to alienate your daughter.

Controlling for the sake of it.

Clearly this is really about a battle of control with your ex. You are pissed off that he has “won” over the name.

For goodness sake let it go and don’t let it spoil your relationship with your daughter.

This is a tricky one, as it goes beyond just using the shortened version. My DS24 has a name which has a very standard short version (think like Michael to Mike). Family call him ‘Michael’, and his schoolmates’ parents, but everyone else calls him ‘Mike’. He has never asked us to call himn’Mike’, but if he did, we would. But in OP’s case, the daughter is expecting her to use a pronunciation which is foreign to her - that seems weird in my view. Why can’t she accept that her mum and dad pronounce Isa differently because they are of different nationalities?

@bannsise the way I see this is she’s trying to connect with her fathers EU roots. It’s not a dig at you, speak to her and see how both are feeling, but is this a hill you choose to die on?

This really made me laugh!

It's not like she's asking you to call her princess lulu bear banana crackers. Just call her what she wants.

She argues she wasn’t raised in the uk and she actively doesn’t identify as British (claims it would be embarrassing to be British).

I rarely call my 4 adult children by their names...Usually, Love, Honey, Sweetheart or something like that. If they asked me to stop I would.

YABVU to refuse to call somebody Princess Lulu Bear Banana Crackers.

She's an adult so she gets to dictate what she is called, it's her name and her identity not yours for goodness sake! I can't quite believe you've had to come onto the Internet to ask this!

Thank goodness my wishes not to be called my long name are respected!.I hate my full, long name..

Obviously you tell her that it won't be possible to say it exactly like her father does but you'll do your best.

Please don't. She's a grown adult and has expressed she doesn't want to be called Isabella anymore. My DM insists on calling me by my 'proper' name and I cringe every time I hear it. No one calls me that name and it makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward.

You might have named her but it’s her name now and she can request you use whatever derivative or pronunciation she likes (or change it entirely!) You don’t have to comply of course but be prepared for a backlash if you don’t because it comes across as massively disrespectful.

I'd have a hard time calling her ee-sa when I'd named her Isabella. But if she's insisting and she's an adult, I suppose you'd better do it. It doesn't change the fact that her real name is Isabella.

I think ee-sa as a short form of Isabella sounds pretentious and odd. It doesn't even sound like a real name. Maybe she'll go back to Isabella when she's older.

It's surprising that she's insisting. Everyone I know who goes by a short form (like Jo for Joanna) accepts that their mother will always call them by their full name. It's kind of what mothers do, given that they usually choose a name that they think is lovely.

I think Isabella is a really pretty name. Sorry she's rejecting it in favour of a silly made-up short form. I definitely wouldn't like it, but I'd humour it, in favour of harmony!

Compromise. Try and call her Isa regularly. Sprinkle Isabella throughout and claim ‘Mum privilege’!

It’s fairly well known that parents can get stuck on the name they gave when everyone else has been using short form for decades.

Don’t make a big deal out of it.

It just makes me think of old Isa on Still Game

I think family, especially your own mother get away with calling you a name you might not be keen on.

My name can be shortened in many ways and there is one I particularly dislike. However I have relatives that have always called me that - and because I love them, I roll my eyes and carry on with my day.

Being controlling goes both ways. It seems your daughter is trying to control you as much as you are trying to control her.

I'd call her Isa, but I wouldn't put on a fake accent in order to pronounce it. So it would be Izz-ah. (I now have "..'Eezer good 'eezer good.." stuck in my head!)

There are some very odd replies in this thread. What pathetically shallow relationships people must have with their parents, if they'd go low/no contact with a parent just for being 'full named'.

If you’re not living in the UK (sorry if I’ve misunderstood), could your reluctance to part with the British pronunciation be about sadness at the loss of your cultural identity in her iyswim? Wanting her to be (part) British too, like you?

Bravo!