To continue calling DD by the name I gave her

[bannsise]

My DD is 22, her first name is Isabella, I chose the name as I love it and think it’s very pretty. Since she was little I’d always call her Isabella or Bella, her dad who I wasn’t with called her “Isa” (ee-sa).
As a teen she insisted I didn’t call her Bella, I happily just used Isabella.
Now she is insisting I call her Isa, she says she doesn’t like Isabella, no one apart from me has called her it in 10+ years. She also complains I say it wrong anyway (her dad is European and pronounces it ee-sa-bell-a, I say is-a-bell-a). I replied that I can’t say her name wrong as I picked it!!

AIBU to say I will continue to call her Isabella (with the English pronunciation) and not by Isa as that isn’t the name I chose for her and I don’t like it.

If you love the full name so much, buy a house plant and call it that all you like.

I have a long name which I shorten to a variation of my name which I like.. My parents insist on calling me by a different shortened version. So if my name is Elizabeth I always use Lizzie, they call me Liz. It really irritates me, I have asked them many times to use my preference, they just don't and it drives me mad. Go with what you daughter wants.

There is more to this than is immediately obvious. Your daughter is trying to control
you. You don’t want to be controlled. The name thing a a symptom of a strained relationship. You need to fix the relationship.
People on here seem to think you can always choose what you are called. You can’t. I would much rather be called Mrs G by salespeople and youngsters etc but they rarely give me that courtesy. I would also like people to pronounce my name correctly but very few people do.
Having said that it is not a hill to die on. You can call her what she wants to her face, and still refer to her as Isabella when speaking to your friends. As someone above said, most of the time you don’t need to call her anything when you are talking to her.
My own son doesn’t mind that I am the only person on earth that calls him by his given name and doesn’t shorten it. He looks on it as one of Mum’s little quirks.

I had to reread that as when I got to the end I was presuming it was a teenager. She’s 22? Tell her to grow the fuck up. It’s her name. You are English and will pronounce it the English way.

But if you corrected someone and asked them to call you by your choice, surely they would do it? You might as well say that the OP is wanting to control her daughter..... I think your suggestion of calling her by a name that she doesn't want to be called by behind her back is quite sneaky and unpleasant.

Life is too too short to correct everyone who mispronounces my name, I assure you And it is not sneaky to refer to someone by a different name to the one you use to their face. It’s real life.

Your daughter is trying to control you.

😂😂

She just wants to be called by the name that everyone else calls her.

If something is important to my daughter, such as her name, then it's important to me, as yet another way to demonstrate that I listen to her, respect her, and care about what is important to her.

Not to have a power play over, or show how little care or respect I have for her feelings.

Equally, when she tried it, I made it very clear that I didn't like her calling me by my first name, and please call me Mum. She respected that, and has never done so since.

Works for us, nohow.

Why is it unacceptable for an adult to want people to use the name or nickname that they have chosen, @SwerveCity?

Having been called by my full name until my mid-twenties, I made the choice to be called by a shortened version of that name - my mum refused to use my chosen name, and that showed me that she didn’t respect my choices as an adult. I don’t think that is a message any decent parent wants to give their child.

When ds1 chose to be called by a shortened version of his name, I did it without demur, because it was his name, his identity, and I never wanted to make him feel the way that my mum had made me feel.

it absolutely is when you KNOW you are going against her expressed wish

So if your adult child changed their name legally by deed poll and you still called them by their old now no longer their legal name, that would be OK? Names aren't set in stone. People are allowed to change them, whether officially or not. And by not respecting that, you're taking an axe to a relationship.

@SwerveCity What would you say to me? “Grow up!”?

The young woman has made a decision, it’s hers to make, HER “label”. She feels it’s important enough to attempt a change. I truly wish I’d changed my name, years ago.

Is a bell really necessary on a bike - not a very kind name in the first place.

Don't choose a name that can be shortened in more than one way if you're not happy for your child to shorten their name.
It's really that simple.

Call your daughter 'DARLING' from now on.

Both my son and youngest daughter are called by shortened versions of their given names . But only by their friends ..immediate family use the full name. With no problems, but my grandson hates his name being shortened and tells people "my name is S××××××n and I don't like being called anything else ." Maybe find a pet name or something that's just for the two of you ?

Yabvu. Kids have no control or say over what name they are given. But she’s a young adult now and has the right to go by whatever name she chooses. It would be disrespectful and controlling to continue to call her a name she doesn’t like. You can insist if you like, but be prepared to see a lot less of her!

I don't think she'd like that either. She wants to be called by the name she wants to be called by.

My Mum is the only person to call me by my full name. I'd feel aweful asking her to stop.

Completely unreasonable, just like the teacher who refused to call my daughter by her preferred shortening (very standard name, recognised shortening, think Beth rather than Elizabeth) because she didn't like it. After several polite requests, I advised my daughter to just not respond to the teacher when she called her by her full name, which quickly acheived the desired outcome. I wouod advise your daughter to do the same, not respond to you until you use her preferred name. It's her name after all, not yours!

Even if she decided she wanted to be called Ermentrude I think you should call her that personally. Are you sure you aren’t just miffed because her dad is winning the name game?

Think of her as Isabella, just call her Isa /Eesa , it's how she wants be known & really not worth falling out over .

I legally changed my name to a shortened version, so no one can argue "but your name is...". Not on my passport, it isn't.

You never know, if you keep pushing the issue she may do the same. Very hard to argue that her name is Isabella once her official documents say otherwise.

I actually find this a really tough one. I have an adult child who I use their full name, all their friends use a shortened name - thankfully they don't mind me using their full name. How would I feel if they asked me to use the short name? I wouldn't like to as I don't like the name and its not the name I gave them. But also on the other hand I have a full name which I'm never called, always a shortened version. If my mother wanted to use my full name all the time I personally wouldn't be too fussed as she's my mother and she gave me that name. I would be annoyed if everyone called me it as I don't feel anyone other than my parents would have that right. So, i'm torn - but i'm swaying more towards she should allow you to use the name you gave her - which I fully understand goes against the MN grain!!

You gave her the name, it’s hers now and she can do what she likes with it.

Do you disrespect her choices in other areas too?