AIBU to think this isn’t normal? (DP and sensitivity to nail varnish remover)

[WingingItFTM]

Start to think i’m going mad and just wanting to sense check this…

Early evening I removed my nail varnish with nail varnish remover in our bathroom (normal nail varnish and remover - not gels or anything if it makes a difference). The bathroom door was open and the bathroom fan was on.

DP is really cross with me as I was due to give DS (4) a bath about 10 minutes later (in the bathroom obviously!) and he says I’m exposing DS to ‘really dangerous chemicals’ and shouldn’t be using it upstairs near DS’s room anyway’

He won’t let it drop and has been mentioning it on and off for the last hr and a half including;

• sending me screenshots of websites referring to inhalation of high doses of acetone
• telling me to get my ‘stinky fingers away from him
• saying his eyes are stinging every time he walks near me (he wears contacts)

This is one thing in a very long list of things and I don’t want to dripfeed but in and of itself am i being unreasonable?

I know this is really minor but would love to know for my sanity!

YABU - your partner is right, this is really dangerous

YANBU - it is normal to remove nail varnish in a house with a child in it when he is in a neighbouring room

It sounds like he's got a disproportionate level of anxiety regarding this, is he like this about other health matters or is this new behaviour?

You know it's just another stick he's found to beat you with..

Not dangerous, but I get the stinging eyes when DD takes off her nail polish too. I ask her not to do it upstairs in the evening as the smell affects my sleep.

Horseshit. I’d be unimpressed if you immediately cooked or handled a newborn without washing your hands, but otherwise what a fuss.

Either he's a very anxious person or he likes to make you feel crap.

Google whether it's safe to remove nail polish in the family home and send him links. Then send him links to support for mental health

I have extreme sensitivity to acetone. Makes my eyes stream and my nose becomes super painful inside

He's not unreasonable if he reacts

He's fkn nuts.

I read all about nail varnish remover when I was pregnant because I was anxious.
Ordinary nail varnish remover, used according to the instructions, in a room with ventilation, is absolutely no risk to anyone.. not pregnant women, not newborn babies, not young children, and certainly not grown men!!
You might do some damage if you drank it or poured it in your eyes or sat there and hotboxed yourself huffing it for hours...

It just smells quite sharp is all.

I really don't like the smell of acetone so when I remove polish or gels, I put the used cotton wool etc in an nappy sack in the outdoor bin. I couldn't put it in a bin in the house. YANBU though. But acetone is kind of offensive.

No, it’s not the only thing.
The most recent thing of a similar nature was when i last cleaned the kitchen floor (flash floor cleaner diluted as per instructions).
I did this in the evening after i had put my son to bed but opened the kitchen door before it was completely dry as i wanted to go to bed and we have a cat who uses a cat flap in the kitchen.
it was very similar - links to websites, saying i’m damaging DSs health etc

He sounds like a bloody nightmare to live with. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

I always remove nail varnish in a room with closed door and then leave the window open for about 30 minutes and wash hands twice. The smell is unpleasant and lingering for quite a while.
However he is overreacting, he could just open all windows for 30 minutes and then the smell would be gone forever.

It's unreasonable to suggest she's harming her 4yo.
If there's no evidence he's allergic to it and is just a normal 4yo. Using acetone to remove nail varnish as per the instructions, will cause absolutely no harm at all to a 4yo.

If her partner has a genuine sensitivity to it he could have just said that to her politely and asked her not to use it near him.
He didn't have to go pure mental

Does he have OCD or other anxiety based disorder? My DH would get intrusive thoughts when the kids were small but it was usually things that affected his actions and generally didn't transfer to me or my behaviour.
I vote YANBU btw. Your behaviour is normal.

This could legitimately be a mental health issue. If he's getting like this about lots of things. Anxiety of some type.. it's not a proportionate reaction. Household chemicals can damage your health if inhaled in large quantities but normal household use is.. well, normal!! You are all probably at more risk when outside from car fumes!!
I think it's can be a symptom of anxiety or OCD if he is constantly thinking about fumes

I want to add that I’m trying to be considerate when using smelly things e.g. DH doesn’t like my dry shampoo so again I use in the bathroom with the door closed and then open window to air . But he would never react so obsessively it would be just a tiny bit of normal
moaning.

DH is sensitive to my dry shampoo so I don't use it. But it's a one off.

Flash and nail polish remover are completely normal household products!

His eyes definitely don’t stream or go red or anything- but that’s not to say he can’t feel it, I don’t know

thank you for your post, I’d never heard of anyone else reacting to it before

Nail varnish and nail varnish remover sometimes set off my asthma. I think his reaction was a little over the top. It's not like you are running a nail bar from the bathroom.

Ahh he's got contacts yes he could genuinely be sensitive to it. Vapes make my contact lenses feel awful as do aerosols.

He sounds like a twat

I'm sorry to hear that. Have you spoken to him about it? Tell him you understand he's trying to keep everyone safe, but you're worried his anxiety about these things is disproportionate. You could reassure him by promising to always ensure good ventilation when you're doing chemical-related tasks. It might be a good idea for him to talk to someone about his fears.

@Nightmarewithdelirium

It’s certainly possible - maybe likely- but there is no way I could suggest that to him
There is absolutely no way he would believe his views weren’t right and he would be very cross if I suggested he could have a mental health issue

In that case I would always put the fear back on him 'I'm sorry you feel worried about his but I would not deliberately harm DS and I always follow manufacturer's instructions and ensure good ventilation'.

I think you should send him links about health anxiety and OCD.

He may be cross but why is it OK for him to send you links about the dangers if you can't send him links about his mental health?
Why does his opinion automatically get precedence? Particularly when you can see from this thread that his reaction is not a commonplace one.
I think you need to just take the anger and stand up for yourself here.
Tell him that in future you won't use nail varnish remover around him but let him know that his reaction is completely OTT and may be a symptom of a mental health problem. Absolutely do not accept that you are somehow harming your son with ordinary household chemical use.

Are you sure it's anxiety he has and it's not abuse.