Things it took you far to long to work out (or admit)

[Slowontheup]

I'm so annoyed with myself for drinking so much (socially and more or less within normal UK limits but still far too much)

it made me bloated and fat. I used to deny this could possibly be the case and went to every exercise class going plus starved myself. It was the booze.

specifically and most irritating - it made my arms fat. I considered going to Brazil for expensive and risky arm surgery ffs. My arms are thin now and I'm in my 40s

i must have spent a bloody fortune. Also did many risky and undignified things in my 20s and lost many many items in taxis (more expense incurred)

maybe it's part of growing up but wish I'd limited it to 2 years instead of best part of 20!

what did you do that you wish you'd cottoned on to a bit blinking sooner?!

I still drink btw. Just in a rather more measured way!

also I know the title should say too not to :-(

That cereals and white bread mess with everything!

I was told as a child that everyone deep down is intrinsically good inside.

Took a long time to realise this is not true, some people are really very not-good inside at all.

Also on a lighter note, that it is perfectly fine to not shave your legs for ages (especially in winter! 😆)

That my ex husband was a lying, cheating narc - wish I had worked that one out waaaay sooner.

Do you think this is absolutely true for everyone? I have white toast for breakfast still :-/ im slim but wouldn't mind losing a bit around the middle. I love it so much and can't get excited about any other breakfast type!

Honestly can't remember when I last shaved my legs 🤣

@stayathomer

Not all cereals, just packaged processed commercial ones. My homemade granola is just fine

Slowontheup

it doesn’t seem to, and to be fair they’re my weakness so I’d repeat over the day so it could be that but now in my 40s most people I know are on brown bread and porridge. I’d say one or two in the morning wouldn’t do you harm!

They are my lovely woolly leg warmers! Also we don’t have pets so you know, is nice to have a couple of furry friends about the place 🤪

It has taken me over 50 years to work out that my social anxiety and poor people skills is because I'm probably autistic. There's a lot, both diagnosed and undiagnosed in my family so it's not really surprising.

And, as above, I used to think that everyone else was better than me. Now I know that's not true.

That when someone tells you their problems you aren’t required (or wanted usually) to provide solutions or advice. Just listening and hoping they work it out is enough.

It took me all this time to realise I have boundary issues, low self esteem and accidentally get into deep and meaningful friendships (with both sexes) in a bid to fix them. (It was my job to keep the house peaceful amongst nastiness even though I was a little kid!)

DH has been so supportive with me unpicking this. And it’s been a rollercoaster ride.

I’ve always thought “I turned out ok considering. And I didn’t turn to drugs or alcohol” - but lack of boundaries IS very risky behaviour and I’m a massive numpty for not realising beforehand.

I will live the rest of my days with firm boundaries. I’ve learnt my lesson!

Not everyone is trying their best, some people are just lazy and/or selfish. Weaponized incompetence is a thing. Some people say they 'can't' when they mean 'can't be bothered to'. Sometimes it's an excess of self importance rather than a lack of self confidence.

Best things come in small packages - was always told this as a child because I was abnormally small and still am 5ft 1. Made me more conscious about my height than anything else lol

That sometimes the best course of action is to…do nothing.

In my teens / 20s I always wanted to actively ‘fix’ issues. Sitting and waiting to let things run their course is often the most powerful move of all.

Ditto on the drinking OP!

It took me far too long to realise that you can't please everyone so you might as well please yourself.

Also, that first impressions are not always true.

That people sit down to put their socks on.
I learnt this recently when complaining to my friend that I'm getting old because I now topple over when putting my socks on.
She said "how do you topple over"
I said "I cant balance on one leg when putting my socks on anymore"
She very kindly explained that people sit down to put their socks on 😂
I'm 58 and yes I sit down now and it's so much easier!

@Missionimprobable I am mid fifties and put my socks on standing. I hope to be able to still do this for a good few years 😆

1. The distinction between evil deeds and evil people does not necessarily hold true. Some people are psychopathic. They will cause you nothing but harm.

1. Florentine biscuits do not come from Florence ☺️

That people only really get pissed off with your boundaries because they are planning on crossing them

That you cannot trust your mind after 9pm. On anything. Wait til morning.

That even the most perfect person has flaws. No one is perfect.

Took me WAY too long to realise that I don't have to worry whether people will like me or not - they either will or they won't.

Also, I learned a marvellous phrase on MN: you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Steered me right many a time, that.

I only found out recently that Jeremy Vine and Alexander Armstrong are two different people.

That you can learn to love somebody. I always thought chemistry was instant and if not instant don’t bother.

Good enough is good enough. Things don't have to be perfect.

Arm surgery?
In Brazil?