Things it took you far to long to work out (or admit)

[Slowontheup]

I'm so annoyed with myself for drinking so much (socially and more or less within normal UK limits but still far too much)

it made me bloated and fat. I used to deny this could possibly be the case and went to every exercise class going plus starved myself. It was the booze.

specifically and most irritating - it made my arms fat. I considered going to Brazil for expensive and risky arm surgery ffs. My arms are thin now and I'm in my 40s

i must have spent a bloody fortune. Also did many risky and undignified things in my 20s and lost many many items in taxis (more expense incurred)

maybe it's part of growing up but wish I'd limited it to 2 years instead of best part of 20!

what did you do that you wish you'd cottoned on to a bit blinking sooner?!

If you don't know enough about something say nothing, got myself in a right muddle in work talking about policitics and everything I said was nearly wrong, blank expressions looking at me, a lot of vagueness and stutters from me, horrendous tea break😒

That for years I have been pushing down a lot of quite complex feelings that go right back to childhood - I had some counselling last year which was great as far as it went but I only really scratched the surface & definitely need to explore further. Pretty sure that’s partly why I used to drink too much & why I’m now relying on strong painkillers when physically they’re not necessary or at least not daily. Trying to numb the emotional pain I guess. “Tell me about your childhood” is such a cliche yet that time of our life is crucial in forming how we are as adults. Now my DM is very poorly with no chance of completely recovering, those feelings can be overwhelming ( some of how I feel is connected to her & I have never been able to properly talk to her about it because whenever I tried she would get too upset or deny there ever being a problem & now I still can’t talk about it because she is suffering from Parkinson’s related dementia) 😢 I’m hoping I can return to the counsellor I had before as she was absolutely lovely.

I've forgotten the details, think it may have been laser lipo or something! Either way really would have been easier to stop drinking 6 bottles of wine a week or whatever was considered the norm to "work hard play hard" in London corporate environments in my 20s

I went swimming the other day and all the 20-somethings had hairy armpits! I felt my smooth under arms aged me! rather wishes I had spidy pits.

No is a full sentence
Just because they're family doesn't mean u have to like/love them.

@brassandswitch hey ! I am 5 foot and do not consider myself abnormally small !

be confident !

That I was raised in a cult (not a commune).

Still trying to work out the different ways it has and is affecting me.

That my ex had had a dog put down and told me he'd rehomed it.

That the same ex, having been told that I shoplifted as a teen during a discussion about our youthful stupidity & bad behaviour - told his relatives that I was a thief, that I'd probably been stealing from him and that I might steal from them.

(At 36, with a professional job, mortgage etc.).

One of his relatives decided to stage a confrontation/intervention about it, which i was utterly bemused by at the time and didn't put together what it was until long after we'd finished.

Also that a boyfriend from a country notorious for visa seeking and scams suggested we had a baby together because he thought it would get him residence in the UK.

Likewise that said boyfriend could have been sabotaging contraception.

You'd still be the age if you had furry armpits. I don't like them myself.

Life! Tbh always thought everyone else got it and I didn’t. Turns out I am severely traumatised, have complex PTSD and my childhood was abusive. I was never going to find it easy. Working on it!

35 before I got infront of someone who finally understood what was going on. Blamed myself that whole time.

That I'm not grow up and be less of a mess. Closer to 40 than 30 now. This is what grown up looks like.

My dad used to say "They don't make diamonds as big as bricks"

Your dad sounds like a good one.

He really was. What a lovely thing to say

It took me an insane amount of my life to learn how to tell the time. Even now I get it wrong sometimes. I'm forever turning up an hour early.
Plus I can spell a word perfectly for years but then completely forget how to spell it.

That people only really get pissed off with your boundaries because they are planning on crossing them

Very true

That feeling discomfort, fear, sadness or another unpleasant feeling can actually be sat with for a bit without the world ending. You don’t have to ‘fix’ it instantly or conclude that there’s something disastrously wrong.

I can relate regarding the spelling issue, it’s slightly concerning, I think it’s probably an age thing but maybe not, I’m 49

That tubes with the little foil tops (like bonjella) have a pointy bits in the lid to pierce it.

I spent 40 years sticking scissors or my pen knife in them. Oops

That it’s ok to end friendships ( even long term ones) if you are no longer happy in their company or if they become toxic

Also, standing up to bullies is actually easy enough after you have done it the first time and bullies are usually very weak people underneath

Be a shepherd not a sheep and haa as be a mind of your own, just because everyone else is doing it, Dosen’t mean it is right

That my mother is often right (sigh!)
IME at least, there is often a reason for a particular friendship. Try and identify that reason and then work out if that is worth it. For example, I can be friends with some people who create drama wherever they go provided I keep them at arms length and observe rather than become personally involved in the drama.

Job interviews are not deliberately designed to make you feel as terrified and useless as possible, and interviewers are not setting you up to fail and desperate to catch you out. They want you to be good; they need to fill the role! It seems so obvious when you think about it properly, but every bit of careers advice at school made the process sound like something from The Hunger Games.

Karma doesn’t exist. The universe is not going to punish the shitty people out there for us; it’s just something people convince themselves is real because the alternative is miserable. The reality is that vile people often do well in life and lovely people end up being crapped on from a great height.

Same! It's all downhill now.

That I would eventually regret being so heavily tattooed. I was 18 and thought I'd be a punk rocker forever. I was only in my early 20s when the moment of regret hit me all at once, it still took me a while to even properly admit it to myself, nevermind out loud.

I've learnt to live with them and don't really "see" them anymore but I know people meeting me for the first time definitely see them!

My mum was right!