Things it took you far to long to work out (or admit)

[Slowontheup]

I'm so annoyed with myself for drinking so much (socially and more or less within normal UK limits but still far too much)

it made me bloated and fat. I used to deny this could possibly be the case and went to every exercise class going plus starved myself. It was the booze.

specifically and most irritating - it made my arms fat. I considered going to Brazil for expensive and risky arm surgery ffs. My arms are thin now and I'm in my 40s

i must have spent a bloody fortune. Also did many risky and undignified things in my 20s and lost many many items in taxis (more expense incurred)

maybe it's part of growing up but wish I'd limited it to 2 years instead of best part of 20!

what did you do that you wish you'd cottoned on to a bit blinking sooner?!

That Madagascar is actually a place not just a cartoon film

I am post menopause too, no difference for me, I must be in the 15%.

Also things change from one year to the next within universities. When I was a degree student my Uni required a higher # of UCAS points for the subject than the more well known Russell Group Uni in the same town. The course I applied for also had vocational time in the local hospital. When we got to 2nd year however this had all changed, course requirements had been slashed and they no longer offered the vocational opportunities because "other students had failed to turn up in years gone by". I would have been far better off going with my gut to the Russell Group Uni instead of miserably wondering how people who could barely write were getting 2:1.

Having worked in one of these places for many years I know exactly where you're coming from. I can go off for a mere 15-week research sabbatical and when I return have to mug up on a whole new set of acronyms that have replaced the ones it took me two years to familiarise myself with in the first place. When I went off on maternity leave I left my department to come back to what felt like an entirely new department. It was unrecognisable! All the assessment regulations, procedures for creating new curricula, internal systems, marking procedures: you name it, they'd messed with it.

I'm sure these places employ little gremlins whose sole task it is to make our jobs hard!

And I'm with you on standards but make no mistake: those of the Russell Group are by no means better. Course requirements are less robust everywhere and so much of course content has been removed and replaced with shorter extracts and bulked out with study skills - ones which should already be prerequisites of higher education. Teaching students how to write, reference and construct arguments was not part of the deal of this job until very recently.

UKHE, it's safe to say, is not what it was.

Just love that saying!

Success isn’t equal to money or grade.

A night out is often more fun if you don’t stay until the bitter end. Recognise when you’ve “had your fun”.

Loud people can lack social skills as much as (more than?!) quieter people.

That I've had SAD and anxiety since I was a child but had no idea. It took being medicated for PPA to realise that's what it was! I never knew life could be like this and it took 35-ish years to know!

Same lol took me 27 year

Your own mother can lie to you, to your detriment. Took me years to suss that.

I’m 65 and only a few months ago, I came to the realisation that I don’t have to shave my legs to go swimming at a health club. It turns out, no one looks and if someone does and has a negative thought about it, well that;s just none of my business 💪

Yea..I wish my mum knew this! 😊

So why did you think they had different names?

So what do you suggest people eat that isn’t effected by those things?

That I'd suffered with anxiety for many years without realising what it was. A constant feeling like you're full of bees is the closest I can come to describing it. An internalised shaky feeling, or like an electrical current running through me.
One day I read an article where someone described her anxiety as feeling like a beehive, and then it just clicked.
I get occasional episodes of it now, but I'm better at controlling it and I usually know how to avoid the situations that cause it.

That and networking. Never realised in 40 decades of working that you're supposed to schmooze all the people you really can't stand in order to get on. I was never much good at hiding my distaste.

Absolutely! We need to talk about money especially salaries to ensure we're getting equal and fair pay. So many companies I've worked for had a ban on employees discussing salaries. We need to be transparent.

That marriage isn't always the best option for a woman, even if theyre planning to have kids.
I feel like it's pushed a lot for 'security' but I'm seeing increasing numbers of couples where the woman still earns more even though they're also doing more of the childcare.

I saw a colleague earning over twice (probably 3x) what her husband did fund the majority of their life for years and then support him through a degree with unsociable placement hours / locations that meant the majority of the childcare fell to her. Then he cheated on her and left, taking half the value of the house that he'd contributed very little to.

My marriage is fine and we don't intend to divorce but it brought home how much I'd lose out financially if we did. I've always been the higher earner despite taking a career hit for kids. I actually love being married from an emotional point of view but I do feel guilty because my kids have less security - we'd likely have to sell the house to divide the funds if we divorced, when I could have bought it alone.

That the way I react to things and my anxiety/depression/ beating myself up internally is because I had undiagnosed adhd

Well, it certainly does not apply to me and I am in various menopause support groups, and it’s NEVER been mentioned.
It was quite a sweeping statement.

Ask for help. Wish I reached out to people when I was younger - sometimes just for the minor things.

Do you mind me asking how you worked out that oxalates cause issues for you?

Hi, If you scroll back to 10:32 yesterday (21st) I explained how I discovered this.

Good luck with it. It's a revelation

Say what?!! I'm almost 51, and well into menopause. I'm going to have to check that now🫨🫣....... as i'm sure a few of us on here will no doubt be doing. You've started something😅 !

I was a HUGE WWF (wrestling) fan as a child. Went to see them at Sheffield Arena.

Was about 22 before I found out it wasn’t real wrestling

Same here! When I was 18,I thought I was hugely fat,when actually I was a size 10 and weighed 9 stone. I had gorgeous hair which I hated and seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to make look nice,flawless skin which I thought was greasy and blemished etc etc. Now at the age of 61,when I look back on photos of myself then I think OMFG what the hell was I complaining about?!

Must be doing something right then. DS has had one cold in six months, and I had the same one and was more poorly than he was! He also didn't catch the cold I had in September.