Do you believe the dads who say ‘she stopped me from seeing my kids for NO reason’?

[thecherryfox]

long story short, when I was pregnant I had to flee my abuser as he was making threats on my life. I had to seek help from multiple professions - all of which including the police told me to not allow my newborn to have contact with this dangerous individual.

My abuser went full force with his smear campaign against me, he told everyone I didn’t allow contact with our baby ‘for no reason’ and I was bitter among lots of awful horrible lies about me. He also started a go fund me called ‘daddy’s matter’ where he victimised himself and claimed he was a victim of alienation. During the relationship, he isolated me from my own family and friends so I had to rely on his family and friends. During his smear campaign, he ensured I lost those family and friends so I had no one.

it broke me watching these people believing I wasn’t letting him see his child because I was this horrible monster and no one questioned why I didn’t allow him. I’ve heard so many experiences from other victims of abuse where they have also experienced this and because we protect our children - our abusers get treated like they’re the victims. Everyone believing their lies helps abuse their victim further.

so I guess my question is, do you believe men when they say that their ex is ‘bitter’ and stopped them for no reason - or do you question why don’t let them. Because I can assure you, the parents who ARE ‘bitter’ are such a small percentage and the truth is that us parents have to do it to protect us and our children.

This. Self representing in court doesn’t guarantee anything. Often it guarantees losing.

Also there is something wrong with having your self represent in court just to see your child.

So because your relative was treated horribly by an abusive ex-partner, you are sure that no women use their children as a bargaining chip, or to punish ex-partners?

I agree that an amber flag is raised in my head when a man says that they are barred completely by their ex. Were they abusive? Have they had enough love to fight for their children? But I'm open to hear their story in more detail before I complete my judgement.

It’s also sometimes not good for the kids to be dragged through courts, especially if they have been led to believe dad is a bad guy.

sometimes the narrative is he’s taking me to court to punish me, only wants access because he doesn’t want to pay child support, he’s just a horrible man who likes to take me to court, he’s knows I cannot afford it etc.

everytime a dad asks for 50:50 on here you can guarantee the replies are “he just wants to get out of paying”. Losing CM can be quite impactful on a household budget so I can see there are reasons to not want to allow access from the woman’s side.

if your kids are crying and screaming when you arrive to pick them up because they’ve been told daddy’s a mean man who’s nasty to mummy and makes her cry, what do you do? I can understand not putting the kids through that every week.

when they’re older they can actively choose not to go, so what’s the point of court when the teenager won’t go anyway?

there’s only really a small window when you can use court to try and force access, when the kids are to young to have an opinion. And even if you do get a court order, there are early any consequences if she defies it.