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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s not my responsibility to prove lies made against us with the police?

76 replies

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:08

Very long story short: we have nightmares neighbours. Two AWFUL people in their late 60’s with a long history of harrassing people, lying about them and pushing them to the brink. I won’t go too far into specifics because it could be outing but so far they have falsely accused us of bursting their car tyres (despite the fact the tyres were not flat) kicking their front door in and trying to run them over, among other things.

Meanwhile they HAVE actually harassed us in many small ways which in isolation don’t seem like a big deal but as a bigger picture paint a really picture of harrasment. Standing outside our house telling lies, filming us as we go about our day, and worse - intimidating my children. They were swearing at and filming my children as they played in the garden in the summer.

I have a Ring doorbell cam. Whenever I’ve reported them I’ve been told “that isn’t enough because it’s not a crime to film people on the street/leave your car idling for an hour at 4am/block your car in so you can’t leave the street”. and when I reported what they did to my kids I was told that because I had no evidence there’s nothing they can do, even though pictures of my kids are on their phone, and because they denied it. The police didn’t even speak to my kids about it.

The problem is, their complaints are perused. They recently intimidate me outside their house (they like to get big brick shit house men to come round and do this). My husband went out and told the brick shithouse to fuck off and leave his wife alone.

We got a visit from the police the next day saying they said my DH had threatened them. I showed them the footage to prove otherwise.

My problem is now this - the police constantly brush me off, despite having evidence, including about the intimidation from the brick shithouse. However they want me to email them videos so that the neighbour’s claims can be disproved.

The burden of proof is not on me to disprove their claims. I don’t want to send videos to enable their investigation against me, I only want to send videos to prove their harassment of me. I was told they could do nothing about what they did to my kids because lack of evidence - yet when THEY have lack of evidence it doesn’t matter, I get a phone call expecting me to prove my innocence.

WIBU to tell the police I’m not sending videos unless it helps my case, not because I have to prove innocence against ridiculous claims?

They have spent years doing this to other neighbours and the police have done nothing about it. It seems the neighbours are very careful to err on the side of legal. The other neighbours have told me similar stories of false accusations that go back decades. Surely repeat offenders should be arrested at some point! The police asked to see footage of the day they accused us of trying to run them over. I did, in person, and it shows that nothing happened except THEY stood too close to the road then started screaming blue murder as we drove past them. Yet the fact they made a false report is totally glossed over.

OP posts:
BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:59

NigellaAwesome · 20/01/2025 08:37

Every time they make a false report, I would send the evidence to the police if requested and make a counter complaint of harassment.

Keep a good diary of all incidents.

Make a complaint to the IOPC against the police for failing to investigate.

Contact your MP or councillor.

Do the people own or rent?

I do, but again absolutely nothing gets done about the false reports

I I think IOPC only investigate if a complaint has already been made to the police directly but I will contact my local MP.

They own - and they thought we had rented (previous owner was a landlord and we bought privately off her no estate agents) and they contacted the former estate agent she used for renting to make a complaint against us. Apparently the estate agents had to tell them to piss off eventually (former owner is a friend and she got a call)

OP posts:
NetZeroZealot · 20/01/2025 09:01

Oreyt · 20/01/2025 08:41

If this is an ongoing police case are you allowed to mention it on here?

I might be being daft. No idea.

She has given no identifying details

Bucksfar86 · 20/01/2025 09:18

The former owner is clearly not a good friend if she sold the property to you knowing the history of the neighbours.

Police can only investigate or look at footage that they are given, or any that is public. As there is no public footage of you not doing the things they are accusing you of, the police are asking you to provide it after you claiming to have it.

If you want someone to help you, and they need your help to do so why would you not provide said footage for your own advantage? If it proves you've indeed not done anything wrong how can it help your neighbours?
Police are consistently getting a bad reputation for not doing what the public want them too, but how are they expected to prove or disprove something if you have that evidence and are refusing to provide it to assist with the investigation?

I have dealt with a nightmare neighbour myself for years and as tedious as it is going back and forth, the police have to have all evidence to provide an outcome.
You need to be patient and provide what you can as best you can to get the outcome you want. At the end of the day for the police to do anything they have to have sufficient evidence to take this to court and prove to CPS there is a problem. If they do not provide sufficient evidence to them, then there's no case and it's dropped.
If that means you assisting with this for a better outcome for yourself then it's a case of assisting, put up with the behaviour or sell up.
However you may have to legally declare the issue with your neighbours to any new buyers which it sounds like your 'friend' didn't do to you.

Cherrytreeblossom1 · 20/01/2025 09:24

The person who makes the claim bares the onus of proof. Innocent until proven guilty etc.
You shouldn't have to prove anything, the police should be requesting proof from the neighbours to back up their claims not from you. Without proof they can't do anything.
Your neighbours sound awful, perhaps though showing proof to prove your innocence each time they make a report about you could lead to you being able to make a report about their clear harassment through false claims against you and for wasting police time? Turn it back on them?

Plawp · 20/01/2025 09:32

Quinlan · 20/01/2025 08:29

That’s not true though. You don’t need to tell him where you live. All he needs is a location for drop off and collection of the kids. He doesn’t need your address.

Why did you believe them? Police say shit all the time. They are individuals who don’t actually know the law on a lot of stuff so they give stupid advice like “you have to give him your address.” You don’t. Why didn’t you check that with a solicitor? Odd.

What’s odd is thinking that everyone has spare money to seek a solicitors advice.

Meanwhile33 · 20/01/2025 09:32

This sounds awful but in you situation I would be fully cooperating with the police and giving them everything they ask for. Otherwise they will just have you pegged as two awkward neighbours making complaints about each other and being difficult when asked for evidence.

Ophy83 · 20/01/2025 09:39

In a similar situation we instructed solicitors to write to our neighbours telling them that if the harassment didn't cease we would be applying for an injunction. We got a letter back accusing us of being really mean but it has largely stopped the behaviour.

MyDeftDuck · 20/01/2025 09:40

But you do need to submit every scrap of evidence to the police to strengthen your case - it's not going to cost you financially is it? Just collate all you have and email it over. Job done! And keep on complaining until someone listens to you. Take your complaint higher (chief of police in your county) and your MP but the louder you 'shout' the more you'll be heard.

YourHappyJadeEagle · 20/01/2025 09:42

Redrosesposies · 20/01/2025 08:11

Try contacting your local MP. They may be able to help.

Edited

This,
If you feel the police are not treating you fairly you can also contact the Police and Crime Commissioner for your area. www.apccs.police.uk/find-your-pcc/

Offcom · 20/01/2025 09:44

Seems odd that police would contemplate trawling through what is presumably hours of footage to prove someone did not burst/deflate their tyres. Could there be another reason they are after it?

You’re not being unreasonable, but if it’s no drama to send footage I’d probably just do it, totally get why you feel that way though.

I’m so sorry for what is going on with the neighbours, absolutely dread finding myself in this situation.

SharpOpalNewt · 20/01/2025 09:45

Plawp · 20/01/2025 09:32

What’s odd is thinking that everyone has spare money to seek a solicitors advice.

It doesn't cost much for an initial consultation and to write a letter, and you aren't charged for asking how much it costs. I wouldn't assume the OP can't afford it, they could at least approach a solicitor and see if they can.

SuperMaybe · 20/01/2025 09:49

I'd send the videos as it's going to look as though you have something to hide if you don't.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 20/01/2025 10:04

I know you have said you dont trust the police but cant help thinking this is affecting how you are seeing this. I would be taking any input from the police, because while they are disproving the neighbours claims, it is proving yours. I dont see why you would not cooperate.

Notanother0nee · 20/01/2025 10:05

Standard of policing in the UK.
They don't investigate anything, they act outside of the laws they are meant to uphold. They don't follow their own rules and make it up as and when it suits.
When they are caught out its "an apology" no matter what they cause.

It drastically needs to change. The whole nationwide force is a joke, they are either perpetrators or enablers. There are no good eggs left.

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 20/01/2025 10:11

I'll never understand why troublemakers like them don't just prefer to live and let live in peace. How does this kind of behaviour make them happy, let alone anybody else?

I may be way off the mark here, but from how the police have handled this, I'd be wondering if the chief inspector might know the man of the couple well from a 'club' that they both regularly attend.

Iamnotalemming · 20/01/2025 10:13

To assume the best, I would say that the police approach all parties the same and will not necessarily believe any party without evidence.

However the cynic in me says the police know your neighbours are a massive pain in the arse and consume police time over nonsense and want your help to close yet another ridiculous complaint without them having to waste too much time on it. They may also be disinclined to pursue the neighbours over harassment because they know they will be a pain in the arse to investigate and they tend not to see harassment as a real crime. They barely investigate theft these days so what they see as neighbour arguments are right down the food chain.

The end result is the same though. You hand over the recordings and keep logging your complaints with the police. Or you hand over the recordings and move house. Their behaviour is highly unlikely to ever change and your energy might be better spent elsewhere.

Good luck. Bad neighbours are the absolute worst, I've been there and you have my sympathy.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 20/01/2025 10:14

If you keep sending evidence to the police that they are lying then I do not understand why the police aren't charging them with wasting police time. Same with what they have done to the other neighbours.

Have you asked the police this?

Mittens67 · 20/01/2025 10:14

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:46

So we’ve both been offered mediation, but they have turned it down and to be honest I’m disinclined to take it because mediation is for reasonable people not persistent bullies and liars.

Ive also kept a log but again this is apparently not considered evidence.

I think what I might do is just ask the police outright: am I sending this to prove our innocence or is this actually going to be used to take action against them?

I went through the mediation offered by the police. It is an independent service they contract with.
You are right that mediation does not help when one party lies and has no interest in reconciliation or compromise. My neighbour reluctantly agreed to attend and only used the time to come out with further nonsense but it was of some use as it showed others that they are completely unreasonable and in their anger they actually revealed stuff they probably wish they hadn’t.
If there is any chance your neighbour can be persuaded to attend mediation in the future I think it could be helpful to attend just to give them enough rope to hang themselves if nothing else.
Plus it shows that you have tried everything to reason with them.

Travelodge · 20/01/2025 10:16

As others have said, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. You may feel the principle is more important but it’s not going to help you in practical terms.
Follow the advice you have been given about the log, the councillors, the MP, putting in a complaint etc.
Accept the offer of mediation. If they refuse, it’s more evidence that they are the unreasonable ones.
I really don’t understand why you don’t want to give the police the evidence to prove your innocence. It’s part of building up a picture about their behaviour. If you don’t supply it, the police can assume it doesn’t exist and you could be lying about your innocence. Do everything you can to put/keep the police on your side.

Mumofoneandone · 20/01/2025 10:38

This sounds like an awful situation. And concerned that the police don't seem interested in getting to the bottom of what is actually going on. Especially as the neighbours have done this to others. Is it worth all of you putting your evidence in together about these neighbours?
Just had a quick Google and wondered if you might be able to explore a non-molestation order. Sounds as though you might qualify.

MumblesParty · 20/01/2025 10:38

I’d send the film if I were you. It might not lead to them being changed with wasting police time or harassment or whatever, but if the police repeatedly see that their allegations are groundless, it might make them take their reports less seriously in the future. And it makes you look cooperative, and them look nasty and stupid.

ChateauMargaux · 20/01/2025 10:59

Are you concerned that the video will show your husband being aggressive and that this might be misconstrued as 'two difficult people'?

PCAMA · 20/01/2025 11:08

In terms of making false reports, technically it's the police who are the "victim" of wasting police time so it's up to them whether they investigate that (and they might well be doing so in the background but they wouldn't tell you that as you're not the victim in that instance".

In regards to your neighbours allegations, the police are expected to follow all lines of enquiry, regardless of whether it points towards or away from a suspect - they can't just follow lines of enquiry that prove their case whilst simultaneously ignoring lines of enquiry that would lead them away from a suspect. If your neighbours make an allegation against you and you claim to have evidence that disprove it, you have alerted the police to a line of enquiry that they need to follow, hence them asking for the videos. As frustrating as it may be, they are actually doing things right by asking you for the videos.

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 11:43

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 20/01/2025 10:11

I'll never understand why troublemakers like them don't just prefer to live and let live in peace. How does this kind of behaviour make them happy, let alone anybody else?

I may be way off the mark here, but from how the police have handled this, I'd be wondering if the chief inspector might know the man of the couple well from a 'club' that they both regularly attend.

They’re both women

OP posts:
DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 20/01/2025 11:48

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 11:43

They’re both women

Ah, OK, then - thanks for clarifying and apologies for making a wrong assumption.