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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s not my responsibility to prove lies made against us with the police?

76 replies

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:08

Very long story short: we have nightmares neighbours. Two AWFUL people in their late 60’s with a long history of harrassing people, lying about them and pushing them to the brink. I won’t go too far into specifics because it could be outing but so far they have falsely accused us of bursting their car tyres (despite the fact the tyres were not flat) kicking their front door in and trying to run them over, among other things.

Meanwhile they HAVE actually harassed us in many small ways which in isolation don’t seem like a big deal but as a bigger picture paint a really picture of harrasment. Standing outside our house telling lies, filming us as we go about our day, and worse - intimidating my children. They were swearing at and filming my children as they played in the garden in the summer.

I have a Ring doorbell cam. Whenever I’ve reported them I’ve been told “that isn’t enough because it’s not a crime to film people on the street/leave your car idling for an hour at 4am/block your car in so you can’t leave the street”. and when I reported what they did to my kids I was told that because I had no evidence there’s nothing they can do, even though pictures of my kids are on their phone, and because they denied it. The police didn’t even speak to my kids about it.

The problem is, their complaints are perused. They recently intimidate me outside their house (they like to get big brick shit house men to come round and do this). My husband went out and told the brick shithouse to fuck off and leave his wife alone.

We got a visit from the police the next day saying they said my DH had threatened them. I showed them the footage to prove otherwise.

My problem is now this - the police constantly brush me off, despite having evidence, including about the intimidation from the brick shithouse. However they want me to email them videos so that the neighbour’s claims can be disproved.

The burden of proof is not on me to disprove their claims. I don’t want to send videos to enable their investigation against me, I only want to send videos to prove their harassment of me. I was told they could do nothing about what they did to my kids because lack of evidence - yet when THEY have lack of evidence it doesn’t matter, I get a phone call expecting me to prove my innocence.

WIBU to tell the police I’m not sending videos unless it helps my case, not because I have to prove innocence against ridiculous claims?

They have spent years doing this to other neighbours and the police have done nothing about it. It seems the neighbours are very careful to err on the side of legal. The other neighbours have told me similar stories of false accusations that go back decades. Surely repeat offenders should be arrested at some point! The police asked to see footage of the day they accused us of trying to run them over. I did, in person, and it shows that nothing happened except THEY stood too close to the road then started screaming blue murder as we drove past them. Yet the fact they made a false report is totally glossed over.

OP posts:
Redrosesposies · 20/01/2025 08:11

Try contacting your local MP. They may be able to help.

Notsuchafattynow · 20/01/2025 08:15

But from how you have explained it on here, the footage will expose their false claims and intimidation to you and your family?

Quinlan · 20/01/2025 08:15

I was thinking all through that, “contact your MP” and then saw the first reply is the same.
Contact your MP. Say what you’ve said here, plus the details you don’t want to give on a public forum. This is what your MP is for.

You can also make a complaint against the police force.

Wronso · 20/01/2025 08:19

I was about to say the same as redroses, also people always say to write everything down, keep a log no matter how small it may seem as it shows a pattern and escalation. I wonder about the council too as people say about mediation and if you and the neighbours can go through the process it might be another way of showing it’s not you and the common denominator is them but of course you have to be-so careful because they sound well rehearsed in their actions.

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:20

Notsuchafattynow · 20/01/2025 08:15

But from how you have explained it on here, the footage will expose their false claims and intimidation to you and your family?

Which is why I’ve sent it and showed them before - but nothing ever happens, there’s no arrests, or even mention of “we are going to use this to build a case against them for false reporting”. It’s all about “we need to prove you didn’t do what they said you did”

OP posts:
Quinlan · 20/01/2025 08:21

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:20

Which is why I’ve sent it and showed them before - but nothing ever happens, there’s no arrests, or even mention of “we are going to use this to build a case against them for false reporting”. It’s all about “we need to prove you didn’t do what they said you did”

So go to your MP and go through the complaint process with the police.

Theunamedcat · 20/01/2025 08:26

It's all wrong isn't it? The police did nothing about my ex harassing me even when he threatened to burn the house down with me and the children in it they claimed it was "tit for tat" I asked if he has made reports against me then? Not yet was the bored response he was literally out on bail at the time for assault on my daughter then they blamed me when she didn't continue the complaint she literally didn't feel safe in her own home they allowed him to harass and threaten us why would she trust them to protect her during a court case

And yes they did say you could move however you will need to give him your address because you have joint children...so wtf is the point of moving then?

verycloakanddaggers · 20/01/2025 08:27

Your situation sounds incredibly stressful Brew

I think not sending any relevant footage is counterproductive.

Have you opened a harassment case, and have you pursued a complaint about police non-response?

Separate the two things in your head. Respond to police requests if they will clear your name.

Pursue your own case. Keep diaries, detailed records, any video evidence and escalate complaints about police non-response.

You could also get advice from a solicitor.

DivergentTris · 20/01/2025 08:27

If your videos prove your version of events, then why wouldn't you send them in, and why wouldn't you want to give the police all the tools they need to believe you? They need evidence, and you have it to support you and are reluctant to give it. Without it, the police don't have evidence that you didn't do what they claim, and they can't act.
If you want to defend yourself and prove your point, give them what they need to do their job. Then if they don't act you have an argument, right now you haven't got a leg to stand on.

Mittens67 · 20/01/2025 08:28

You have my sympathy. I am going through a situation which has some similarities with a neighbour.
If your local council has a Community Safety Officer (not a police officer, a council staff member) then speak to them. Mine has been a great support in liaising with the police on my behalf. They don’t only help people in council owned housing but private property too.
My local councillor has also been helpful.
The police can be quite blinkered in such cases and not actually look into things fully which can mean people like your neighbours can use baseless police reports to harass others.
I have found that as with many large organisations there is often a lack of internal communication and nobody stands back to see the bigger picture. Each report gets dealt with in isolation by busy officers who just want to tick off jobs which they see as very minor issues as quickly as possible.
As regards any evidence whilst I agree that you should not have to prove your innocence, if your video disproves your neighbours claim then withholding it seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Quinlan · 20/01/2025 08:29

Theunamedcat · 20/01/2025 08:26

It's all wrong isn't it? The police did nothing about my ex harassing me even when he threatened to burn the house down with me and the children in it they claimed it was "tit for tat" I asked if he has made reports against me then? Not yet was the bored response he was literally out on bail at the time for assault on my daughter then they blamed me when she didn't continue the complaint she literally didn't feel safe in her own home they allowed him to harass and threaten us why would she trust them to protect her during a court case

And yes they did say you could move however you will need to give him your address because you have joint children...so wtf is the point of moving then?

That’s not true though. You don’t need to tell him where you live. All he needs is a location for drop off and collection of the kids. He doesn’t need your address.

Why did you believe them? Police say shit all the time. They are individuals who don’t actually know the law on a lot of stuff so they give stupid advice like “you have to give him your address.” You don’t. Why didn’t you check that with a solicitor? Odd.

DeathNote11 · 20/01/2025 08:32

Bitter people with plenty of time on their hands are a social scourge. TBH, I think I'd be inclined to send the police anything and everything I had that demonstrates how bad they are. If they've got the time to do this to neighbours, then they've got time to harass services & professionals too. The police are likely looking for enough ammo to go round & read them the riot act, but know they're in for a world of harassment themselves if they don't turn up armed to the hilt with evidence.

I had an utter git of a neighbour myself (same sort of scenario but with the added pleasure of him sending photos of vistor's cars to my ex, whom he'd known for years). I finally lost patience & sympathy & started reporting him for absolutely every little bit of his low level antisocial behaviour. Police, dog warden, RSPCA, adult social care, council. He moved after 6 months stating I'd forced him out of his home. I feel no guilt, I merely employed HIS tactics but executed them much more effectively.

NigellaAwesome · 20/01/2025 08:37

Every time they make a false report, I would send the evidence to the police if requested and make a counter complaint of harassment.

Keep a good diary of all incidents.

Make a complaint to the IOPC against the police for failing to investigate.

Contact your MP or councillor.

Do the people own or rent?

Oreyt · 20/01/2025 08:41

If this is an ongoing police case are you allowed to mention it on here?

I might be being daft. No idea.

ThisBreezyQuoter · 20/01/2025 08:43

Their role as investigators is to independently investigate both sides, evidence which will prove or disprove accounts that's why they should be gathering all evidence in order to make an informed decision.

Have you considered civil injunctions, the balance of probability that a crime has been committed is lower and they can be drawn up by a solicitor however make sure you put power of arrest on it as its not worth the paper its written on.

Whyherewego · 20/01/2025 08:46

It's clear they know how to trigger an investigation ie use the correct terms to indicate it's more serious whereas you probably don't.
Ultimately it's in your interest to show the police that you are innocent because eventually they'll be marked as a vexatious complainant if everything they say to the police is shown to be wrong/exaggerated. You then can show this to be a campaign of harassment against you. So I'd personally send the video showing your DH did nothing wrong.
I'd then call the police up every time you are intimidated and say something like you are in fear for safety or that you are being threatened.
If they film your kids then I'd call police again and imply concern about inappropriate images.
Just up the anti on them !

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:46

Wronso · 20/01/2025 08:19

I was about to say the same as redroses, also people always say to write everything down, keep a log no matter how small it may seem as it shows a pattern and escalation. I wonder about the council too as people say about mediation and if you and the neighbours can go through the process it might be another way of showing it’s not you and the common denominator is them but of course you have to be-so careful because they sound well rehearsed in their actions.

So we’ve both been offered mediation, but they have turned it down and to be honest I’m disinclined to take it because mediation is for reasonable people not persistent bullies and liars.

Ive also kept a log but again this is apparently not considered evidence.

I think what I might do is just ask the police outright: am I sending this to prove our innocence or is this actually going to be used to take action against them?

OP posts:
BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:49

Theunamedcat · 20/01/2025 08:26

It's all wrong isn't it? The police did nothing about my ex harassing me even when he threatened to burn the house down with me and the children in it they claimed it was "tit for tat" I asked if he has made reports against me then? Not yet was the bored response he was literally out on bail at the time for assault on my daughter then they blamed me when she didn't continue the complaint she literally didn't feel safe in her own home they allowed him to harass and threaten us why would she trust them to protect her during a court case

And yes they did say you could move however you will need to give him your address because you have joint children...so wtf is the point of moving then?

That’s awful I’m so sorry you experienced that

It does feel like “your face needs to fit” before they do anything about anything

OP posts:
v4life · 20/01/2025 08:49

I would get some legal advice they could send a cease and desist letter detailing your own view of infringements on your rights which would then be documented. Depending on their appetite for risk it might be enough to break the cycle.

museumum · 20/01/2025 08:51

Defending yourself against their claims about you literally IS supporting your claims that they are harassing you with false accusations. I understand why you are annoyed but the more you provide evidence they are lying, the stronger your case against them becomes. If you dig your heels in on principle you really are cutting your nose off to spite your face.
ps. I agree about the mps local staff being a good port of call.

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:51

verycloakanddaggers · 20/01/2025 08:27

Your situation sounds incredibly stressful Brew

I think not sending any relevant footage is counterproductive.

Have you opened a harassment case, and have you pursued a complaint about police non-response?

Separate the two things in your head. Respond to police requests if they will clear your name.

Pursue your own case. Keep diaries, detailed records, any video evidence and escalate complaints about police non-response.

You could also get advice from a solicitor.

Yes I’ve opened a harrasment case but haven’t complained about the police. The latest officer, who has dealt with them for years apparently, is very nice and appears to be understanding but I distrust the police in general. The first one I went to told me I was a nosey neighbour because I had a Ring doorbell - and then got deeply defensive when I asked if I was wasting my time by complaining about the harassment if I am being pegged as nosey.

OP posts:
countrygirl99 · 20/01/2025 08:54

We had a similar experience. Ours would make allegationsthat DH had threatened them.on days he hadn't even seen them and had been in the house so there was no way any evidence could be produced to show otherwise. In the end we wrote a letter of complaint to the Cheif Constable and that did the trick.

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:54

DivergentTris · 20/01/2025 08:27

If your videos prove your version of events, then why wouldn't you send them in, and why wouldn't you want to give the police all the tools they need to believe you? They need evidence, and you have it to support you and are reluctant to give it. Without it, the police don't have evidence that you didn't do what they claim, and they can't act.
If you want to defend yourself and prove your point, give them what they need to do their job. Then if they don't act you have an argument, right now you haven't got a leg to stand on.

Because frankly it’s not my job. The burden of proof is on them to disprove the claims, not me. The claims are false and ridiculous.

If they said “Send us those videos so we can prove they make false reports” I’d feel very differently but the narrative is that I have to send them to disprove the ridiculous claims. I can’t even believe they follow up on them to be honest. They claimed we’d let down all 8 of their tyres. When the police arrive and see 8 very much not flat tyres why are they asking me if I did it, rather than saying to the neighbours “your tyres aren’t even flat”

Thats like me saying somebody potted my window and then them turning up to see a fully intact window, and then them asking the neighbours if they potted my window. It’s like the police are scared of them or something

OP posts:
TinkyBella · 20/01/2025 08:56

Get evidence from your neighbours and present this along with your own evidence to your MP.
The police have a duty to investigate and it seems they may not be doing that.

Oblomov25 · 20/01/2025 08:58

It feels tough that you have to disprove, but I think that is just the only way to do it.