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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s not my responsibility to prove lies made against us with the police?

76 replies

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 08:08

Very long story short: we have nightmares neighbours. Two AWFUL people in their late 60’s with a long history of harrassing people, lying about them and pushing them to the brink. I won’t go too far into specifics because it could be outing but so far they have falsely accused us of bursting their car tyres (despite the fact the tyres were not flat) kicking their front door in and trying to run them over, among other things.

Meanwhile they HAVE actually harassed us in many small ways which in isolation don’t seem like a big deal but as a bigger picture paint a really picture of harrasment. Standing outside our house telling lies, filming us as we go about our day, and worse - intimidating my children. They were swearing at and filming my children as they played in the garden in the summer.

I have a Ring doorbell cam. Whenever I’ve reported them I’ve been told “that isn’t enough because it’s not a crime to film people on the street/leave your car idling for an hour at 4am/block your car in so you can’t leave the street”. and when I reported what they did to my kids I was told that because I had no evidence there’s nothing they can do, even though pictures of my kids are on their phone, and because they denied it. The police didn’t even speak to my kids about it.

The problem is, their complaints are perused. They recently intimidate me outside their house (they like to get big brick shit house men to come round and do this). My husband went out and told the brick shithouse to fuck off and leave his wife alone.

We got a visit from the police the next day saying they said my DH had threatened them. I showed them the footage to prove otherwise.

My problem is now this - the police constantly brush me off, despite having evidence, including about the intimidation from the brick shithouse. However they want me to email them videos so that the neighbour’s claims can be disproved.

The burden of proof is not on me to disprove their claims. I don’t want to send videos to enable their investigation against me, I only want to send videos to prove their harassment of me. I was told they could do nothing about what they did to my kids because lack of evidence - yet when THEY have lack of evidence it doesn’t matter, I get a phone call expecting me to prove my innocence.

WIBU to tell the police I’m not sending videos unless it helps my case, not because I have to prove innocence against ridiculous claims?

They have spent years doing this to other neighbours and the police have done nothing about it. It seems the neighbours are very careful to err on the side of legal. The other neighbours have told me similar stories of false accusations that go back decades. Surely repeat offenders should be arrested at some point! The police asked to see footage of the day they accused us of trying to run them over. I did, in person, and it shows that nothing happened except THEY stood too close to the road then started screaming blue murder as we drove past them. Yet the fact they made a false report is totally glossed over.

OP posts:
L0bstersLass · 20/01/2025 12:07

@BottomWibblyWob Do not send the police the video of your husband's interaction with the neighbour where he tells them to fuck off without speaking to a solicitor first. Do you have legal cover with your house insurance? That might get you some free advice.

Quinlan · 20/01/2025 12:20

Plawp · 20/01/2025 09:32

What’s odd is thinking that everyone has spare money to seek a solicitors advice.

If i wanted to move house because of an abusive ex and the police told me i needed to provide my new address to him, despite there being a hundred other ways to do child handovers, then i’d find the £100 needed for a half hour consultation with a solicitor to ask them that one question, or i’d have used google or just my own common sense and ignored the police officer.

Wronso · 20/01/2025 12:30

Sorry @BottomWibblyWob no help but all reasonable people can see that them refusing to try mediation speaks volumes again and As @Mittens67 says it would have hopefully showed how they are horribly outrageous people.

saveforthat · 20/01/2025 12:44

My sympathies. I am going through similar with neighbours. The police keep asking for video evidence. I don't have a ring doorbell so when anything happens, they expect me to fumble around on my phone. I wonder how the police managed in the days before mobile phones.

Plawp · 20/01/2025 13:03

Quinlan · 20/01/2025 12:20

If i wanted to move house because of an abusive ex and the police told me i needed to provide my new address to him, despite there being a hundred other ways to do child handovers, then i’d find the £100 needed for a half hour consultation with a solicitor to ask them that one question, or i’d have used google or just my own common sense and ignored the police officer.

Imagine being snarky about how much better you’d have handled abuse. Weird behaviour

saveforthat · 20/01/2025 13:12

Wronso · 20/01/2025 12:30

Sorry @BottomWibblyWob no help but all reasonable people can see that them refusing to try mediation speaks volumes again and As @Mittens67 says it would have hopefully showed how they are horribly outrageous people.

Not really. I consider myself a reasonable person but there is no way that I would sit through meditation with my lying drug addict neighbour

FictionalCharacter · 20/01/2025 16:16

The police are clearly seeing this as an equal handed neighbour Vs neighbour dispute, not recognising that one side is making constant false allegations. They're obviously not the brightest of police officers if they think that you can prove using video evidence that something didn't happen. You can't - you can only prove that it didn't happen in front of the camera, while it was recording.

It sounds like they're being more sympathetic to the neighbours, and I wonder if the NDNs are playing the "we're older, female, vulnerable" card. The police are meant to be impartial but I'm sure not many of us believe that they are.

AlphaApple · 20/01/2025 16:37

I do think you have enough to complain about the police.

Sounds awful, I'm so sorry.

BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 16:43

So I spoke to the police today and they need it because the neighbours have complained they haven’t done enough against us. In their complaint they’ve exaggerated the incident about my DH shouting at Shithouse. I said that’s fine and sent them the footage. It’s in two parts as Ring doorbell only film a certain length of time before cutting off and refilming if there’s something going on. So there’s a few second missing. I sent both videos. They have claimed that there must be footage of the missing seconds somewhere! I said it here isn’t and did a screen record of my ring doorbell app to prove it.

Im fucking done with this, it’s not worth going to the police clearly

OP posts:
BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 16:54

IMustDoMoreExercise · 20/01/2025 10:14

If you keep sending evidence to the police that they are lying then I do not understand why the police aren't charging them with wasting police time. Same with what they have done to the other neighbours.

Have you asked the police this?

I asked him today and he said it’s down to his inspector and he is trying to push it. I did say I don’t understand with so much evidence how they can’t make an arrest.

I wish I’d never gone to them. It was supposed to help me out, and now I’ve foolishly sent a video it to help me but to help the police get out of hot water with a complaint. I figured if I kept them on side it would serve me well and they’ve come back accusing me of hiding footage. Bastards

OP posts:
BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 16:56

ChateauMargaux · 20/01/2025 10:59

Are you concerned that the video will show your husband being aggressive and that this might be misconstrued as 'two difficult people'?

No. He’s been more than reasonable given they have sent a ten men twat round to intimidate me whilst I’m outside my property

OP posts:
BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 16:57

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 20/01/2025 11:48

Ah, OK, then - thanks for clarifying and apologies for making a wrong assumption.

It’s fine I think it was a fair assumption!

OP posts:
BottomWibblyWob · 20/01/2025 16:58

saveforthat · 20/01/2025 13:12

Not really. I consider myself a reasonable person but there is no way that I would sit through meditation with my lying drug addict neighbour

This. Their fuckwits and bullies I’m not wasting my time on them

OP posts:
saveforthat · 20/01/2025 17:13

saveforthat · 20/01/2025 13:12

Not really. I consider myself a reasonable person but there is no way that I would sit through meditation with my lying drug addict neighbour

Mediation. I wouldn't meditate with them either.

Pat888 · 21/01/2025 05:14

It might be a racism thing where the police get accused of racism -though with the grooming gangs stuff in the papers I would think they’d be braver.

JennyForeigner · 21/01/2025 05:44

Just to say really sorry OP. My friend went through similar, a paranoid aggressive weirdo who had cameras trained on their doors, would shout abuse at them and targeted my friend when her husband was out. The neighbour controlled access which they needed and to which they had a legal right.

They had to spend the best part of £2,000 on lawyers letters, but had a much better experience of the police, who were supportive and clear. Police officers twice issued conduct warnings to the neighbour.

Dismissing this stuff as 'she said, she said' is nonsense. There is a framework for vexatious allegations which includes wasting police time, and if they are trying to counter allege so that police involvement is turned back on you, then I would be complaining at all levels and asking for a review of why that isn't being considered. The tires thing sounds like a great example. We can't just make up any old shit about anyone - there has to be some basis in fact or questions asked, which should lead to the vexatiousness review.

Pat888 · 21/01/2025 06:12

Pat888 · 21/01/2025 05:14

It might be a racism thing where the police get accused of racism -though with the grooming gangs stuff in the papers I would think they’d be braver.

Sorry think I posted on wrong thread

Lme44 · 23/01/2025 20:51

Document everything and become a thorn in the officer in the case side. This includes contact with officers…who you have spoken to, when, what was said etc. Put in a formal complaint and ask to speak to the Inspector/ Superintendent. If not take your complaint to the IOPC.

MJconfessions · 23/01/2025 20:55

To be honest I don’t like the police either, I think they are scum.

but sometimes you need to play the game. If you have video footage of interactions where you are being totally reasonable and the offenders are offending and lying to the police about events…just share the footage with the police.

Pherian · 23/01/2025 21:05

So , you don’t want to provide videos to the police that would show you acting out toward your neighbour, just knew that help your case.

I don’t know if maybe you’re just a bit thick or like constant drama in your life, but surely if you can get this all over with then wouldn’t you want to ?

If you don’t want to provide it to the police and you’re being difficult they aren’t going to take you seriously. Maybe what you need to do is write a letter and say look it’s awful we’ve had this back and forth but I’d like to put it behind us.

Then wind your neck in .

Whatever the issue is it stems from sort it out. These kind of issues don’t start over nothing.

BottomWibblyWob · 23/01/2025 21:34

Pherian · 23/01/2025 21:05

So , you don’t want to provide videos to the police that would show you acting out toward your neighbour, just knew that help your case.

I don’t know if maybe you’re just a bit thick or like constant drama in your life, but surely if you can get this all over with then wouldn’t you want to ?

If you don’t want to provide it to the police and you’re being difficult they aren’t going to take you seriously. Maybe what you need to do is write a letter and say look it’s awful we’ve had this back and forth but I’d like to put it behind us.

Then wind your neck in .

Whatever the issue is it stems from sort it out. These kind of issues don’t start over nothing.

A bit ironic you calling me thick when you haven’t even bothered to read my posts. It’s ok, we all fuck up and embarrass ourselves sometimes, don’t feel too bad about it.

But seeing as you struggle to read too many posts: I did send the videos.

If you don’t want to provide it to the police and you’re being difficult they aren’t going to take you seriously.

Yeah that’s not how it should work. Police don’t only work with non-difficult people. Heaven knows they keep pandering to my neighbours.

Maybe what you need to do is write a letter and say look it’s awful we’ve had this back and forth but I’d like to put it behind us. Then wind your neck in

My neighbours are absolute idiots, this wouldn’t work, I’ve knocked a few times to talk things over and have been accused of kicking their door when I do (video footage I’ve shown the police proves otherwise)

Whatever the issue is it stems from sort it out. These kind of issues don’t start over nothing.

No they start over absolute fruit cakes causing trouble yet again with new neighbours. But sure it must be me 😂

OP posts:
BottomWibblyWob · 23/01/2025 21:37

Anyway, the way I see it, the police haven’t protected us by arresting the neighbours when they made countless (proven) false reports against us. By doing nothing they’ve allowed the false reports to continue. They’re only interested when the neighbours put in a complaint about them and their jobs are on the line and they’re coming to me for footage

I’ve put in a complaint, these neighbours have been the same for years with other neighbours and have never been cautioned or arrested. Presumably because they play the “vulnerable old ladies” card and the police fall for it

OP posts:
Pherian · 23/01/2025 23:04

BottomWibblyWob · 23/01/2025 21:34

A bit ironic you calling me thick when you haven’t even bothered to read my posts. It’s ok, we all fuck up and embarrass ourselves sometimes, don’t feel too bad about it.

But seeing as you struggle to read too many posts: I did send the videos.

If you don’t want to provide it to the police and you’re being difficult they aren’t going to take you seriously.

Yeah that’s not how it should work. Police don’t only work with non-difficult people. Heaven knows they keep pandering to my neighbours.

Maybe what you need to do is write a letter and say look it’s awful we’ve had this back and forth but I’d like to put it behind us. Then wind your neck in

My neighbours are absolute idiots, this wouldn’t work, I’ve knocked a few times to talk things over and have been accused of kicking their door when I do (video footage I’ve shown the police proves otherwise)

Whatever the issue is it stems from sort it out. These kind of issues don’t start over nothing.

No they start over absolute fruit cakes causing trouble yet again with new neighbours. But sure it must be me 😂

Edited

I read every word of your original post, apologies if I don’t have all night to follow your drip feed.

You all sound horrible and made for each other. Good luck with your neighbours.

BottomWibblyWob · 23/01/2025 23:50

Pherian · 23/01/2025 23:04

I read every word of your original post, apologies if I don’t have all night to follow your drip feed.

You all sound horrible and made for each other. Good luck with your neighbours.

It’s common courtesy to read all the OP’s posts before commenting.

Rather childish you’re calling me horrible because you got something wrong. How embarrassing

OP posts:
Northernladdette · 24/01/2025 09:43

I get your point absolutely, but the advantage of having the Ring doorbell is you have the evidence to back your claims. I’d send it, but verbally at some point share your concerns with the Police. You’ll probably get a shrug of the shoulders but you’ve said your piece 🙂